Was This Rude?

[BlubBlubImAFish]

I was grabbing some breakfast in a cafe this morning on the way to work, nothing fancy, just a pot of fruit, toast and a poached egg. I was buttering my toast when a woman looked over my shoulder and said 'Oh that looks healthy' in quite a flat tone.

Now, I'm a size 20, and I'm also 6 months pregnant so currently the size and shape of an upright Shetland Pony and probably a bit over sensitive. I HATE people commenting on my food and what I eat because I've had it all my life and I did see red a bit but tried to stay polite.

I said 'oh.. thanks. I'm pregnant so don't care if it's healthy or not at the moment frankly!'.

She made some 'oh! right!' noises and I walked off.

She then followed me outside and across the carpark shouted 'EXCUSE ME! Just so you know I wasnt being sarcastic, it really did look healthy!!'

I was mortified, but just smiled and shouted back 'Oh it's ok honestly! Have a good day!' and disappeared.

Now I'm sitting with it and wondering if I was awful?? At the same time who comments on a random strangers food like that??

YABU - I was rude and over sensitive
YANBU - She shouldnt have commented on your food

I’m about a size 14 or so, I am 8 months pregnant but even before this, all me life, at work, SOMEONE will comment ‘that looks healthy’ on even some pasta or a fajita or something. People are just really really bloody weird. I’m not sure if it’s a dig at my size, I’ve never understood why anyone comments on anyone’s food but I’ve had it a lot, it’s really weird

I’d have taken it the same way as you did.
either as sarcasm or surprise that I am overweight person could choose a healthy meal.
I’ve had a lifetime of people making comments on my body and what I eat (I’ve been underweight and very overweight), so I’ve learned that it’s usually them being shitty.

it sounds like she didn’t mean anything bad by her comment but hopefully it might teach her a lesson about passing comment

I'd have assumed she was saying it was healthy to the fry up many would have chosen/been eating, but I don't know why she said anything really. She realised by your reaction that you thought she was being snarky and wanted to clarify

Forget it. She should mind her own business, or at least say it so you're sure if her meaning.
It does sound nice, by the way - love a poached egg.

I think she was maybe just making small talk, albeit not particularly good small talk. She then felt bad that it maybe sounded like an insult and just wanted to clarify that it wasn't. I don't blame you for thinking it odd but it was probably just one of those misread social situations.

On the one hand, no there's no need to comment on a stranger's food. On the other hand, it won't necessarily occur to someone who has no issues around food or weight that this might be an unwelcome opening gambit for a bit of friendly chitchat with a fellow café-goer. I imagine it's the kind of thing that would once have been totally normal and non-controversial, but now isn't, due to the increase in both the prevalence of weight problems and generally the variety of things expected to give offense.

I've had this at work a couple of times. I'm starting to think some people's diets are so dire that they are genuinely surprised to see someone eating something healthy. I once got a meal deal of some sushi, nuts and a coke and one of my colleagues said "oh, you're into all that healthy stuff are you?" 🙃

I really doubt it was anything to do with you at all. I'm sure it was about her either deciding what to have or regretting what she had ordered and she is one of those people that thinks out loud all the time.

Edited to add I have a family member that can't go anyone without making random comments (along the lines of this women) to people. Drives me nuts.

It's just about ok to discreetly point at what someone else is having and ask the server what it is, or if it's a convivial sort of place ask someone else if they would recommend what they are having as it looks good, but it's never ever polite to make a remark that implies some sort of judgement about the contents a strangers meal, even if it's a positive one.

In our staff room one of the main topics of conversation is other people's lunch! 'Healthy' is quite often a word used. Nothing in it. I'd say it to someone regardless of their size (which I couldn't give 2 hoots about anyway) but realise some people are sensitive about food. Bit weird to just come up behind someone & say it though.

Staff room is different though.
I brought in some leftover stir fry for lunch the other day, and everyone was remarking on what a great cook I was and how delicious and healthy it looked. I was very happy with that even though I did try and explain it was the bag of veg/noodles/sauce you get as a bundle in most supermarkets with the addition of chicken and cashews and took 10 minutes to make.

I think it’s sad that strangers are discouraged from speaking to each other because every offhand comment is now offensive

This. It's just some chit chat, this is definitely a you issue OP.

I once got told off in the middle of a busy staff room, by the headteacher, for having a pot noodle for lunch! I was there on supply and yes they’re not a healthy lunch, but I looked at her and said in my head and with my eyes “Fuck off.”

I think it's boorish to comment on strangers' food unless it's a question such as 'that looks delicious. Which sandwich is it ? I think I'll order the same!'

There is no need, it isn't a comment that's a conversation starter or adds anything to their day and can sound judgemental.

If she wanted to chat, she could have tried something else.

Blimey, what did she say? Did she think she was in charge of lunches too?

Oh I'm just waiting for the counter thread of someone who is probably mortified! You know when you've realised you've put your foot in your mouth and you try to fix it but end up making it worse! Don't give it another thought OP. She did make a mistake, you handled it well.

And as a side note, your upright Shetland pony description made me smile. I hope your day gets better and honestly, do not give it any more thought.

This. She deserves what she gets.

This sounds like something I could have done. I imagine she’s thinking about herself and her own diet, meant to comment what a nice breakfast that looked but somehow her compliment came out wrong.

Yes people shouldn’t comment on someone else’s food, I imagine she hadn’t clocked you or your weight as she was thinking about herself. Then when it was clear she might have misspoke she tried to clarify, which again came out worse.

Or she was a cow. But I tend to read these awkward stranger interactions and think it’s something I could have embarrassed myself doing.

I reckon she was making chit chat and you confused her with your answer. you don't care if it's healthy because you're pregnant? surely that's when you should care. she probably suspected sarcasm from you and that's what prompted her to chase you and clarify.

This. Don't lose any sleep over it though.

She said “My name are you having that?!” in a shocked voice.

Poor lady must have led a sheltered life, if the sight of a Pot Noodle gave her the eebie jeebies 😂

Normal people with brain cells don't comment on other people's food, OP. You weren't rude, her comment was unnecessary. Whether she meant it to rankle or not, your response was pointed and put her in her place - and good enough.

Running across the car park after you to excuse her comment will probably have made her think to keep her mouth shut in future - and good enough again.

Women never, ever comment on men's food. I've not seen men comment on men's food either. Women do not need to have their food commented on by anyone and only those lacking something, would.

Well in Britain, we have the weather; we have plenty of it to talk about. There is nothing offensive about the weather. I thought everybody knew that?

Talking about what somebody else is eating is rude. And everybody should know that. If they can't follow social rules then yes, it's sad - and yes, they should be discouraged from speaking.

Tbf if a woman comments on a man’s anything, he’s likely to take that as interest in more than just his food. I’ve learned to never show any interest in what a man is doing / wearing for this reason, because most men only take interest in women they are attracted to and think women are the same.