To lie about completing a fundraising challenge

[Journeyintomelody]

This is just something I've found mildly infuriating...AIBU?

Friend is doing 4 different charity fundraising events at the same time. One of them is running X number of km in a month. Every day she posts updates on her progress. As the month has gone on its clear she is just adding Kms to top up her runs (eg. Run 5km but add 8km to the tally).
I know people social media is often a big lie but this has really grated on me, I think because it's been done so blatantly.

Things like "pressed the stop button by accident 2km in, but here's another 8km crossed off", 12km added over night but the longest distance she has ever claimed to have run is 9km. Etc.

Just venting really. I hate dishonesty. If you want to run then run. If you want to raise money for charity then great do that. Noone is going to ask for a refund because you didn't complete the challenge - especially if they can see you out in the effort. But please don't lie and use it to tell everyone how wonderful you are.

Personally I find this style of virtue signalling fundraising distasteful even when done properly. Even that ‘Sir Tom’ walking his garden during lockdown. Even worse those adventure holidays, raise £3k, 2k pays for the trip, 1k for charity, being able to bore all and sundry forever more about the ‘experience’: priceless.

More like £2999 pays for trip £1 to charity, people rarely raise above the minimum required for the trip so there’s hardly ever excess to charity

@jen337 Agreed, Same person in OP did one of these trips. Distasteful is the word I was looking for!

The dishonesty makes me cringe even more.

I don’t donate to fundraisers anymore for this reason, especially avoid the million and one Facebook donation requests too.

Having completed a sponsored swim, and counting every single length, there's absolutely no way I would have lied about my totals!
All the money raised went to the charities in question too, no cut for a nice holiday. It's shameful to lie imho but then some folk lie all the time.

It’s annoying, but at the end of the day the money is going to charity. So I think, if you can afford to give £50 to cancer research or whatever and you want to, does it matter how many miles your friend ran?

It doesn't matter at all. I think she is just cheating herself. Id rather choose the charity I want to donate to.

I also think some of the following up messages are distasteful

"So far I've raised £xx, help me reach my target 🎯 "

No, you haven't raised or done anything yet. That money has come from the generosity of others.

As an alternative...
"thank you everyone for your generous donations, together we have raised £££s"

So don’t donate. You can’t control what she does, or how she counts her totals, but you can certainly tell her why you won’t be doing it again. No one is forcing you to donate to this rather than a charity of your choice.

I agree OP.
I hate the 'I have raised....', and always said something like 'thanks to generous donations we've raised.....'.

You're definitely not being unreasonable to feel frustrated by this—it can be really annoying when someone is bending the truth, especially when it comes to something as well-intentioned as a charity challenge. It’s like they’re missing the point of the effort and the honesty behind it. Most people would respect that she’s putting in effort for a good cause, even if she didn’t hit every kilometer exactly.

How do you know she’s lying? My husband always forgets to turn his on for walks and runs.

What is the charity? Honestly I wouldn’t care how far she’s ran, she’s obviously putting the effort in.

The numbers don't make sense, so she has to be lying about something. She posts a daily tally, which increased by 12km overnight, yet she made a really big deal saying the furthest she's ever run is 9km and is working up to her first 10k. So it just doesn't make sense. I know it sounds a bit stalkerish but I notice the stats because I am run everyday and track my own.

That could be outing so I won't say the name of the charity.

She is absolutely putting in effort. I am so proud of her for running - it's a big deal for her. But why lie? It probably stems from insecurity. I wish she would understand that what she is doing is good enough, she doesn't need to exaggerate or lie.

If the charity gets the money, who cares? Surely people don't say "well, she didn't put in the miles, so I'm not going to give my donation"? Or do they??? It's all about raising awareness of the charity concerned.

Sure, I mean, that's kind of my point. Nobody is going to ask for their money back, it is great to raise awareness of the charity. But the dishonesty is unnecessary. Her achievements and efforts are already admirable, she doesn't need to 'top it up'

I couldn’t be bothered wasting energy worrying about this. I’d try to avoid her posts if it’s triggering you

I ignore my friends when doing charity things tbh, it's all a bit wow I'm so good look at me

Maybe she is doing two runs some days? So the longest she’s ever done in a single continuous run is 9k but on the day you noticed, she ran 8k in the morning and went out in the evening and did a shorter 4k?

Its a bit harsh to assume she is a bare faced liar based just on this!

For those who hate fundraisers that’s fine, and you are entitled to feel that way but again criticising others for doing them when significant funds are raised for the charities they support is a bit mean spirited. I often do these things for a charity close to my heart. I don’t pressure my friends to donate (am grateful when they do) and when the challenge is completed I quietly match the donations so the charity receives double. Part of the way in which the donations rise however is by doing daily blogs or social media posts. You can always put friends on mute over the period in question if you are irritated by these but I usually find I have a gang of people spurring me on and bantering on these posts so not everyone hates them

I feel as though it's like asking you to pay for their hobby. If you want to run, then just run. Fundraising is different to sponsorship. I don't have a problem with someone organising an event to raise money and awareness for charity where everyone can benefit. But "sponsor me to do X" (and not actually doing X) and then saying "Yay look at me I raised £££s" off the back of other people's generosity. I find it distasteful at the best of times.

Is she running more than once a day?

I know her pretty well, part of the reason it's irritating is that it's a common theme throughout her life. Just one example is when she got an A in an exam but told everyone she got an A*. She lies so much that she doesn't even bother to hide it anymore and I think in this context it's really distasteful.

I find this attitude quite distasteful. These fundraisers (I've never done one btw) are often completed by people who have personal ties with the charities, and the fundraising is a part of their process of dealing with sadness or grief. It makes me really sad that someone would look at, say, someone running a marathon to raise money for a cancer charity that supported their late mother, and think "ugh, virtue signalling."

No. She honestly posts every single run. All bells and whistles, followed by 10 selfies.

Or donate to a charity that you like, consider well run and support the cause (and if your me, have read their accounts and are happy with them), plus gift aid the donation if you're in a position to, rather than something random your friend thinks will boost her social media pages.