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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie about completing a fundraising challenge

62 replies

Journeyintomelody · 16/10/2024 04:46

This is just something I've found mildly infuriating...AIBU?

Friend is doing 4 different charity fundraising events at the same time. One of them is running X number of km in a month. Every day she posts updates on her progress. As the month has gone on its clear she is just adding Kms to top up her runs (eg. Run 5km but add 8km to the tally).
I know people social media is often a big lie but this has really grated on me, I think because it's been done so blatantly.

Things like "pressed the stop button by accident 2km in, but here's another 8km crossed off", 12km added over night but the longest distance she has ever claimed to have run is 9km. Etc.

Just venting really. I hate dishonesty. If you want to run then run. If you want to raise money for charity then great do that. Noone is going to ask for a refund because you didn't complete the challenge - especially if they can see you out in the effort. But please don't lie and use it to tell everyone how wonderful you are.

OP posts:
Mylittlespuds · 21/10/2024 18:39

It’s not really about the race or the charity this issue you have with her is you think she lies and is a dishonest person and until you sit down with her and say look I don’t know why you do this you aren’t going to move forward in a positive way or get rid of your angst with her. You either have to have the conversation or accept her for her ways and let it go because it’s making you hate on her with it and that ain’t good for you or her. Is it worth it really? Like you say she could be insecure and surely a person who is insecure needs a good friend to help them feel more secure with guidance and support. I hope you find a way to feel better about this x

Original poster
Journeyintomelody · 21/10/2024 18:55

Mylittlespuds · 21/10/2024 18:39

It’s not really about the race or the charity this issue you have with her is you think she lies and is a dishonest person and until you sit down with her and say look I don’t know why you do this you aren’t going to move forward in a positive way or get rid of your angst with her. You either have to have the conversation or accept her for her ways and let it go because it’s making you hate on her with it and that ain’t good for you or her. Is it worth it really? Like you say she could be insecure and surely a person who is insecure needs a good friend to help them feel more secure with guidance and support. I hope you find a way to feel better about this x

Yep, I think that is a really fair comment. It's not that she lies so much as she embellishes the truth, only her small lies are getting bigger and bigger and it doesn't sit well with me. I've always tried to be a good friend to her but increasingly I feel like she is using me. Maybe the friendship has come to a natural end.

OP posts:
Original poster
Journeyintomelody · 21/10/2024 18:57

@Mylittlespuds also thanks for being kind about it. I feel bad as I have always considered myself to be a loyal friend, but I think it's gone past the point of return.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 21/10/2024 19:02

She's just making herself look like an idiot. If I sponsor a person I always pay them a set amount as I don't care how many lengths they have swam or how mamy miles they have rowed on a rowing machine.

Original poster
Journeyintomelody · 21/10/2024 19:07

caringcarer · 21/10/2024 19:02

She's just making herself look like an idiot. If I sponsor a person I always pay them a set amount as I don't care how many lengths they have swam or how mamy miles they have rowed on a rowing machine.

I hate being mean, but it's also the 10 selfies afterwards and the captions she adds about how fit and beautiful she is that make me cringe. It has rattled me (and I know IABU here) because her "challenge" is equivalent to my warm up, I don't understand the whole song and dance. I really can't get my head around it.

OP posts:
Mylittlespuds · 21/10/2024 19:23

I suppose what I wish for you both is a peaceful outcome because right now shes lying and you hating. Neither are good but with gentle talks and some understanding you may be able to sort it out. Ultimately it’s up to you both though. I had this one friend didn’t like the other for telling lies, when I reminded my friend eh look you have told a porky or two in your time and actually she may just need a good friend like you right now they sorted it out. The one who wasn’t for bothering was the better person she oversaw her flaws, saw her own flaws and they had a good old laugh about the stupid stuff they did when younger. They aren’t bessie mates but actually good friendship overlooks peoples flaws and is just there no matter what. I just hope you find some peace around it and realise there at no perfect people out there. We all have our moments but ultimately love covers a multitude of sins x

MustWeDoThis · 21/10/2024 21:33

Journeyintomelody · 16/10/2024 04:46

This is just something I've found mildly infuriating...AIBU?

Friend is doing 4 different charity fundraising events at the same time. One of them is running X number of km in a month. Every day she posts updates on her progress. As the month has gone on its clear she is just adding Kms to top up her runs (eg. Run 5km but add 8km to the tally).
I know people social media is often a big lie but this has really grated on me, I think because it's been done so blatantly.

Things like "pressed the stop button by accident 2km in, but here's another 8km crossed off", 12km added over night but the longest distance she has ever claimed to have run is 9km. Etc.

Just venting really. I hate dishonesty. If you want to run then run. If you want to raise money for charity then great do that. Noone is going to ask for a refund because you didn't complete the challenge - especially if they can see you out in the effort. But please don't lie and use it to tell everyone how wonderful you are.

If money is involved then she's actually committing fraud and you can report her to the charity she's doing it for because it can blow up on them if they are audited.

MrsMrsD · 21/10/2024 21:35

We had a friend recently raising £20k for a charity bike ride. Him and his work mates were going to Africa from the UK to cycle for charity.

The £20k was just to pay for the trip!!!!!! Not a single penny of that was going to the charity. It makes me sick.

These "charity travel companies" are just money grabbing travel agents, it's nothing to do with charity.

Bernardo1 · 21/10/2024 21:37

Morph22010 · 16/10/2024 05:09

More like £2999 pays for trip £1 to charity, people rarely raise above the minimum required for the trip so there’s hardly ever excess to charity

Show quote history

This!

PennyApril54 · 21/10/2024 21:40

I'm not completely sure how it all works but sometimes these apps etc can take a while to update. Is there a chance she really is doing the distance? Perhaps adding in non-run distances such as the walk to work etc

hollyblueivy · 22/10/2024 07:51

hollyblueivy · 20/10/2024 11:59

Could it be that she is taking her total steps and distance over the whole day. So having run 5k but made up say 3k in steps walking through the day and calling it 8k covered in total?

Could it be a bend in the rules rather than a complete break?

pollymere · 22/10/2024 12:48

I did a mile a day walk for Battersea. It felt dishonest though as some days I'd do that anyway. So I changed it to an EXTRA mile a day and made sure I did that. I didn't raise a huge sum but it was honestly come by and the money went straight to Battersea in full (some of these walks you have to promise huge sums and it's actually split between various charities with large amounts going to the organisers.)

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