To lie about completing a fundraising challenge

[Journeyintomelody]

This is just something I've found mildly infuriating...AIBU?

Friend is doing 4 different charity fundraising events at the same time. One of them is running X number of km in a month. Every day she posts updates on her progress. As the month has gone on its clear she is just adding Kms to top up her runs (eg. Run 5km but add 8km to the tally).
I know people social media is often a big lie but this has really grated on me, I think because it's been done so blatantly.

Things like "pressed the stop button by accident 2km in, but here's another 8km crossed off", 12km added over night but the longest distance she has ever claimed to have run is 9km. Etc.

Just venting really. I hate dishonesty. If you want to run then run. If you want to raise money for charity then great do that. Noone is going to ask for a refund because you didn't complete the challenge - especially if they can see you out in the effort. But please don't lie and use it to tell everyone how wonderful you are.

It takes a special kind of insecurity to believe that a friend’s social media pages are more popular than your own because they have chosen a random charity to fundraise for 😂😂😂

donate or don’t. Mute them for the period of the fundraiser if the posts irritate you. But why be a bitch about them? That’s unnecessary and speaks volumes about you.

Has it not always been like this, though? Kids would knock doors asking for donations and nobody had any idea if they actually did the thing they were claiming to when they handed the cash over.

Which I suppose is a bit different because it's kids, but does it really matter? I get that you say you'd rather donate to causes of your choosing, but like, just do that then? I'm not understanding why you can't just do that instead of donating to a cause you're not interested in and then getting grumpy over feeling deceived. If you cared about the cause, I don't think you'd be bothered. Because you'd donate either way.

All these fundraisers are is an attempt to encourage people to donate by making it personal to them. You care about your mate, so if they're doing something to raise funds, you're more likely to donate. It's your friendship the charity is accessing, really, not the amount of miles she runs.

I am so proud of her for running

be honest, no you aren't.

I genuinely am 🤷

But your original post is full of detail about her dishonesty, that she’s lying about her totals for every run, that you find it ‘infuriating’ that she’s lying ‘blatantly’ on sm to ‘make herself look good’!

Could it be that she is taking her total steps and distance over the whole day. So having run 5k but made up say 3k in steps walking through the day and calling it 8k covered in total?

I am proud of her for running and I want to celebrate with her, I just feel like dishonesty taints things. I guess it's just frustrating. I've never confronted her in real life. She is like a different person on social media, and I really don't like that version of her. One of my oldest friends but starting to distance myself a bit these days.

@Katrinawaves I don't do social media other than twitter - and if I did I wouldn't bang on about my donations to charity or the amount of volunteering that I do.

It is the often the same people using their hobby to ‘raise’ money for their chosen charity; they seem to expect the same friends and family to repeatedly dig into their pockets. The overseas trips are pretty bad; I don’t see much virtue in it all but see it’s a useful method for charities to gain income.
Your friend would really annoy me with the constant posts whether or not she’s done the miles and I wouldn’t fork out for so many fundraisers in such a short space of time.

Well, if she’s an old and valued friend, surely you’d address it with her rather than just distancing yourself over something so trivial? Or just mute her on SM if you can’t bear to talk about it? Pretty cowardly to just slink off, I’d have said, if she’s a good friend.

I have a good friend who does extreme ultramarathons in the Arctic and things like the Marathon des Sables. I just say ‘No, offence, P, but I’m interested in whether you saw the northern lights or a mirage of an oasis or were kidnapped by nomadic camel herders, not your blisters and how long your training runs are.’

Bit harsh. I didn't say I was distancing her over this. I think we are naturally growing apart. There's nothing wrong with that

She sounds very untrustworthy. You should tell her it looks really suspect and there's no need to lie. That she will lose friends by bending the truth more than she will for failing some running challenge. I'd strongly advise you not to give her any more 'donations'.

Maybe she is sleep running!

I give money via direct debit to charity. I'm not a fan of these performative charity events. Not as bad as friends of ours though who regularly post photos of them picking up litter on the beach and getting dozens of facebook replies rewarding them for being ao heroic and amazing. Why do they have to share their good deeds online all
the damn time?

I prefer to donate direct to charities. It saves ambiguity and the get all the cash.

No, obviously there’s nothing wrong with growing apart, but all your previous posts were about your irritation at her dishonesty and social media self-congratulation. Now you say she’s always lied about her own achievements. Why is it only really bothering you now, if you’ve been friends so long? What is it you find particularly triggering about the run inflation?

Charity is all a bit rubbish as a concept anyway.

We could just all agree that we want the government to increase funding for cancer research and services for homeless people and that we'd increase income tax by 1p to pay for it and save ourselves a huge amount of bother.

That's fair enough. You are right that I have been particularly triggered by the running, though it's been building for a long time.

I get it OP, and you have had some odd responses.

She is lying about her run distances to make herself look better. I would find it weird and off putting if any friend did this. I am full of admiration for people taking on a fitness challenge, and am happy to sponsor someone if its a charity I like and it's genuinely a big thing for them to train to do it, but fibbing about distances is not on.

I think... it's not about the running, or the charity. She's just irritating you with everything she does because you don't like her anymore. That, I understand. But OP, it's probably time to sever ties with her because you're on the edge of pettiness here and that dislike is going to drive you right over the line. I know because I've been there 🤣 When the gradual creep of disliking someone grows and every post pisses you off.

Just unfriend her and have done with it.

Yep, you're right. I'll admit, I can't stand the constant dishonesty and attention-seeking.

@Journeyintomelody I get it! Someone on my Strava double posts every run that they do then boasts about having the highest weekly mileage in our running club. And they do the same during running every day type challenges. Really irritates me even though it makes literally no difference to me, my running or my life!!

@Iamanunsafebuilding I'll be completely honest (and I might get a lot of hate for it), it winds me up because she has been running for approximately 3 months, wearing all the gear, running for four different charities, daily posts (sometimes double posts). She knows how to promote herself and is using this as another way to tell the world how good she is. Running is something I have done consistently for the last 12 years, just a pair of running trainers, very rarely post. She has never once spoken to me about running despite our very long friendship. Now it's suddenly 'her' thing. This is just one of many examples where I do something, she copies but then puts on a show and makes it about her. Or inflates her achievements to match/beat mine, or takes credit for work I have done without acknowledging me. I know I'm probably being super unreasonable, I'm a private person and like it that way but after many years of it I'm done. It feels good to get it off my chest. I know I sound horrible but this thread has actually helped me realise how much resentment I've let build up, which isn't good for either of us.

Don't. It's a pet hate.
Years ago, I did the Moonwalk (26 miles, overnight), as part of a 'team'. The day before, two of the team pulled out, and left the other three of us to do it. We did it, and were proud of our achievement. However, the two who pulled out, didn't confess to it, and we thought they should tell their supporters, as money was given/pledged based on them doing it.
I've really thought differently about them since.

@Journeyintomelody you won't get any hate from me! It's all about the attention for some people. The same person for me isn't gracious in good or bad runs, so if they get a parkrun pb or a good time in an event they are all look at meeeee and the effort I put in. If they aren't happy there's always an excuse!

You sound like a good egg of a runner, doing your thing your way and you maybe need to detach a little from this persons posts! Or maybe do a little post every now and again when you've done something you're proud of, get yourself some social media likes 😊