Please stop saying "it's been a minute"

[OptimismvsRealism]

Please stop

Also mooching stop saying that

I wouldn't buy that either 🤣

I use pass or don’t use it at all when talking to someone who is grieving. You found it trivialising but others can and do find it harsher.

I use died when I talk to others I know use the word.

Pass could also be the way someone sees and believes in death. Passing could mean to them passing to some version of heaven or reincarnation.

Yes, but it is not the speaker's right to assume what my beliefs are, or are not. This stupid coyness does more harm than good, and protects the speaker rather than the bereaved.

I have thought of an analogy. Decades ago, the lower and middle classes in this country referred to a pregnant woman as 'expecting', as the state was almost too embarrassing to be mentioned. One hardly ever hears that now. It's just plain old pregnant.

( I do love the Mitford sisters' version: 'in pig')

Passed, lost, passed away, passed on - they all need to go the way of 'expecting' ( and gross cheese powder ) in my view.

Your post made me laugh (obviously not the death bit) my 22 year old son died after being hit by a car in 2022 and it made me so angry when people mentioned that he passed away, obviously people are trying not to bring it up or to remind me of the awful way he died but tbh I don't think I would or could ever forget that.

Both me and my son shared a really dark sense of humour and I know he would have died laughing (if he wasn't dead) at some of my responses to people in the aftermath of it all. When I told one of my aunties I was going to write his eulogy her response of "oh please no" made me laugh so much and tbh it was the raw honesty of people that truly got me through what was indeed the worst time of my life.

Exactly @Ihopeithinkiknow .

Why should it fall upon the bereaved to make allowances for other people's squeamishness about death?

Most of all, when the death occurs in such traumatic circumstances. Of course you will never forget the way your boy died. I imagine it is imprinted on your very core- along with all your fabulous memories and the shared wicked sense of humour you mentioned.

What makes it worse is when people seek to avoid the realities for their own comfort. That is not what being a good human is all about.

I am so very, very sorry to hear about the death of your son.

Why should it fall upon the bereaved to make allowances for other people's squeamishness about death?

I don't think it's necessarily always that they're squeamish though. They're desperately trying to be as tactful as possible. After all, most people have been bereaved at some point themselves too.

Decades ago? It's still used, perfectly normal phrase. My neighbour in her late 20s told me she was expecting.

I'm glad it raised a giggle - Mum had retired two years previously, she'd been a union chair at our local public transport authority. The very last thing she ever did was to suspend the bus services through two towns for around eight hours. She honestly would have thought 'Serves the bastards right!.

@CellophaneFlower I was thinking paprika would be lovely, too!

And avert your eyes and run away. 😁
(Must avoid all possibility of an emotional response!!!)

And I bet it was delicious!

It was as I made it 🤣

Thanks for all these.

Mine are:

‘bits’ as in, ‘I went to the shop to get some bits’
‘chuck’ when talking about slow cookers. It’s always, ‘just chuck in an onion and some beef and it’s done’. Nobody ever just puts food into the cookers.
Threads where the OP says, ‘discuss’. I refuse to as I am not in GCSE English.
And any post which says, ‘be gentle’ 🤢

Oh yes. The daily mail loves describing women’s hair as ‘locks’ or ‘tresses’. It makes me feel ill.

Ahhh the Flumps 😍😍😍

In what context do people say ' it's been a minute' unless it has been a minute?
I've never heard anyone say this.

@RobertaFirmino hahaha it does serve the bastards right and your mum sounds great

Hi Jane,how are,it's been ages?

I know,it's been a minute ,hasn't it?

Or

Hi guys,welcome to my channel,it's been a hot minute since I reviewed this ridiculously over expensive eyeshadow so I thought I'd revisit it...

Really? That makes no sense whatsoever! How bizarre.

I know!

I've just thought of another irritation ,the retelling of past events using present tense. Look at just about any Netflix documentary as an example.

I hate that @MrsPelligrinoPetrichor. My FIL takes it one step further and uses the third person present tense when giving anecdotes, for example:

‘So I goes up to the manager and I says…’

It’s excruciating to listen to and I have to fight very hard not to run screaming from the room.

(My FIL is 80 so this is certainly not a modern or fashionable thing. He is a cockney though, perhaps it’s that).

Ah,that's definitely a cockney thing so I will allow that ( just!) but it's so commonplace now I find it hard to understand what people are talking about. I've just watched the Sweet Bobby documentary on Netflix and it was difficult to follow as she spoke in present tense the entire show!

Yes @MrsPelligrinoPetrichor she did. It was odd.

Using the present tense all the time is what I do when I attempt to speak French 😂