Aibu to be offended about my grey hair

[Liglig]

A friend randomly left a voicemail on my phone after I missed their call asking if I would like to come to their house to have my hair coloured.

I have never ever mentioned my grey hair being a problem, I am getting so have brown hair with grey strands.

I kind of feel offended like they are indirectly telling me I look old or look bad. Another person also suggested I dye my hair last year, I never asked their opinion so now it's giving me a complex.

I don't particularly like my grey hair but am prepared to embrace it, I can't deal with the dying hair plus I am not at ease with the chemicals in the dye, I already have very thin hair and cancer is high in my family I think dye would be no good for me for those reasons alone anyway.

Should I be offended, I can't help but feel insulted a bit, deep down they probably mean well but still why do people feel the need to tell me to alter something that was not my choice 😞

That's hurtful for them to say or suggest if you haven't mentioned wanting your hair dyed. I'm sorry :-(

They probably meant well.
Truth is, very few of us look good when the greys make an appearance. Unless it's a full head of fantastic grey!
It is very ageing.

What a cheek. Embrace your greys OP! I went grey during lockdown as it was difficult to shop for dyes and I was concerned it was damaging my fine post menopausal hair. Best thing I ever did, I've had loads of complements as mine is a streaky grey not pure white. Slap a bit of make up on and you're good to go.

Yes it's just recently come through more than ever, I have long hair so am considering cutting my hair to even things out a bit, once all the grey is fully through I feel it will look much better.

I'd have been more bemused than offended. I used to have a hairdresser who used to quietly ask me if I was considering dye and if not did she want me to start snipping out the greys that were there. She used to be all clandestine about it like my hair was some shameful secret.

I just used to laugh and say "no, ta. Just like last time".

If a friend asked I'd just think they were being weird and silly rather than hurtful. I do have about 50% grey now I think. Anyone who thought that was any of their business I would find too silly to be anything other than amusing.

I would be offended too. The subtext, however supposedly 'well-meaning', is that there is something wrong with you that needs fixing. Happily direct them to those 'proud to be grey' YouTube channels (even if you're not entirely convinced yourself)

Well that was just rude!
Unless you had mentioned that you were considering it, then they should not be offering!
I have salt and pepper hair... every so often I consider colouring it again (I gave up 6 years ago) but then the thought of the upkeep puts me off. Yes it probably ages me a bit... but so does my face I genuinely don't think that hair dye actually makes anyone look younger!

Just reply that you are embracing your natural hair colour changing as to you people look odd past a certain age if they have no grey and block colour

I’m embracing the going grey - have moved from long hair to chin length though which makes a big difference .

No one has ever suggested to me I should dye my hair though and I think it would give me pause for thought if they did . Not surprised you are a bit hurt by it .

100% agree on not wanting to have to dye it .. I recommend pushing the thought away and carrying on doing life the way you want to

Did you used to dye your hair? And do the friends who suggest it also do so? I'd take it in the hopefully good spirit it was meant.
Sometimes when people start going grey the assumption is you might want to cover it. But it's for you to decide. You should just politely decline and say you don't like the chemicals in hair dye and are embracing the grey!
Maybe they'll decide to do the same. But I certainly wouldn't fall out with them over it. Unless there's an ongoing theme of them trying to change your looks or making you feel insecure.

I've never ever dyed my hair, I've been going grey since the age of 15, I am now 44 and the greys have really accelerated considerably more these last 2 years. The person in question is a friend older than me, they are in their 60's and they dye their hair with some of their greys showing a bit.

Speak for yourself.
I get random strangers stop me several times a week to say how great my white hair looks - other than random conversations I've initiated about having blue streaks, no one has ever suggested colouring it.

I am also considering cutting my long hair too as all the greys are mostly on the top of my head which makes me look a bit uneven, I am hoping shorter hair will even things out a bit.

I once went to a hairdresser who suggested I dye my eyebrows. No thank you!!
What a cheeky friend you have. Very inappropriate.

I did once have a hairdresser suggest I pluck my eyebrows, they are slightly bushy but they suit me, I rejected their suggestion too!

Are your friends incredibly fashionable ?

The only problem who suggested I should dye my grey hair were my parents in-law. Neither of them are at all fashionable to I ignored them. My most fashionable friend was the one who told me I should stop dying my hair and I listened to her.

Is everyone else getting hair dye adverts on this thread? 25% off!

Some women have Strong Opinions on what other women's hair should look like. My sister once opined that women with grey hair look unprofessional...years before she got her first grey 🤦🏻‍♀️😂💀 It's a combo of insecurity and internalised misogyny.

Like you, I've gone the other way, so never dye my hair and have bushy brows! Whenever someone makes a comment, I make a point of telling them how much I love my hair colour and general hairyness.

I deeply regret not going grey sooner. I love my grey hair. In women of a certain age, I can see a dye job, even and expensive salon one, a mile off and think they look so obvious. Totally agree with the poster who says they don't make anyone look younger.

If you are concerned about appearance to those who can't see beyond it, and why you should you be, I do think that you need to keep your haircut sharper when you are greying to show the lovely colours in their best light.

Old fashioned thinking makes you look older than anyone with grey hair.

Yep - made me laugh!

A bad dye job is far more ageing. My friend has silver streaks in her hair. She looks fab.

Not something to take offence at. It is not unusual for women to choose to cover their grey hair and prune their eyebrows (in my case, eyebushes).
She hasn't told you that you have to do it, simply asked if you want to. You don't want to, so just say no thanks.

If you have to ask 'should I be offended', you are probably looking for offence where none was meant.

Did you ask her why she'd assume you want to do that?

@Liglig I think because they're older and dye their own hair they are probably just trying to be helpful. Just stand your ground and say you're very content with your hair colour being natural.