Aibu to be offended about my grey hair

[Liglig]

A friend randomly left a voicemail on my phone after I missed their call asking if I would like to come to their house to have my hair coloured.

I have never ever mentioned my grey hair being a problem, I am getting so have brown hair with grey strands.

I kind of feel offended like they are indirectly telling me I look old or look bad. Another person also suggested I dye my hair last year, I never asked their opinion so now it's giving me a complex.

I don't particularly like my grey hair but am prepared to embrace it, I can't deal with the dying hair plus I am not at ease with the chemicals in the dye, I already have very thin hair and cancer is high in my family I think dye would be no good for me for those reasons alone anyway.

Should I be offended, I can't help but feel insulted a bit, deep down they probably mean well but still why do people feel the need to tell me to alter something that was not my choice 😞

Are you quite sure she didn't have a mobile hairdresser visiting? My neighbour often asks if I need a trim when her stylist calls.

Hi no she is not particularly fashionable

I'm sure your friend meant well but that was childishly rude of them. It's very fashionable to go grey now. Sarah Harris who is an editor at Vogue sports a fantastic long head of grey hair alongside all her designer clothes. I have been grey for years now and no one has ever made rude comments. I think the view that grey hair should be covered up if you're a woman is intrinsically misogynistic and becoming outdated.

I agree that it's rude, even if well-intentioned.

I am in my late 30s and am also starting to go grey. I've never dyed my hair and I don't want to start now so will be embracing it. Loads of my late 30s/early 40s friends are also going grey naturally.... I think it's far more common nowadays and a positive change. It seems quite an old-fashioned view that you have to avoid going grey.

Personally I think dyed hair on women of a certain age looks very obvious and I don't want the root regrowth so I won't be starting down that road. Each to their own but I would resent the implication that your greys are something that should be covered. If she's in her 60s she's not fooling anyone with her dyed hair!

Hair dye can also be very ageing.
There's nothing wrong with going grey naturally.

I think grey hair looks awful on both men and women. Just my view.

I dye my hair at home cheap as chips to do.

I think dyed hair can look awful too, especially when the rest of the features indicate that some grey would normally be present by that point. Are there other natural features you also consider awful?
Home dyed hair often has that unnatural look where it's all the same colour and there's no depth or variation to it.

Grey hair just looks like hair on an older person.

I don't understand what's so bad about ageing. I think the amount of grey hair I have is probably average for my age (45) and I think I probably look about that. Maybe I look a bit older, maybe a bit younger. No idea. But why is being my age meant to be something I'm embarrassed about?

I've recently stripped all the dye out of my hair to get as close to my natural, mostly grey colour as possible. Whilst the colour itself is less "attractive" than my brunette was, the lighter hair has literally taken years off my face. You're doing the right thing OP and your "friend" is a bit of a dick.

I think home-dyed hair looks awful on both men and women. Just my view.
Rude, much?

Nothing wrong with ageing.
My point was simply to state that saying 'grey hair is ageing' means very little, because dye can be ageing too.

Was it just to dye your hair, or did they say come over for glass wine, pamper night, dye your hair etc? Or was it a direct lets dye your hair?

Yes because as you say you have white hair, which looks amazing

Most of us with salt and pepper hair dont look good

However, OP has no need to justify or explain why she doesnt want to dye it, its fine. I would just assume that the friends assume that most people dont want grey hair, because most people dont, its just a factual thing

Most of us with salt and pepper hair dont look good
I do. Because I'm happy with it. Whether anyone else thinks so is pointless to speculate about.

It's annoying. I would just let her know that I'm embracing my grey hair. There are quite a few people who are doing so now. And being natural is healthier.

I dye mine because it doesn't look great as a messy mix of white, grey and very dark brown. However, I'd never comment on anyone's choice not to. My DH keeps telling me I should embrace my grey, and it's irritating - entirely personal choice to dye or not to dye.

Utter rubbish.
Stop telling other peole they don't look good. 🫣

Definitely personal choice.
We should all do what works best for us without being horrible to others.
Grey can be ageing or not.
Dye can be ageing or not.
We all age, we all respond differently to it.

I have dark brown hair, never dyed it either! I’ve been getting grey strands but didn’t want to dye it yet. I gave the John Freida Defy Grey shampoo a go not expecting a lot and it is surprisingly wonderful! It has coloured my greys a coppery colour that blends in, very highly recommend!

Why does ageing equal not looking good? I happen to think ageing is beautiful.

Natural ageing definitely.

OP, I’m sure it wasn’t meant maliciously, but your friend was tactless. Since childhood, I’ve had many comments made to me about my appearance which have stung—some were well-meaning, some were meant as banter, others were downright mean. After a lifetime of fretting that I don’t look good enough, I’ve come to realise these comments have nothing to do with me. The people who make them are not happy.
Your friend is insecure about ageing, dyes her hair, sees you embracing it and feels a little bit off kilter(she may be subconsciously thinking—surely everyone over a certain age must want to spend money on this!!). You are showing her there’s another way, there’s no need to do what she’s doing at all, and it’s possible for mature women to be happy with who they are naturally. People don’t like it when someone shows them you can be different and happy about it.

Whose ‘truth’ is that? Yours?

Embrace it !! I love to see people embracing themselves ignore the friend she probs jealous cus she not confident to do it herself !!
And don’t cut it off just trim it regular it won’t take long for it to be looking amazing !!! (Hairstylist ) x