To feel DD was just not ready for school

[Outandabout43]

DD was 4 end of August and started reception in September. I know it's only been a few weeks but she is like a different child.

She cries in the morning that she doesn't want to go, she wants to stay home with mummy. She says no one wants to play with her and told me another girl she sits next to pushes her.

When she gets home her behaviour is nothing I've seen before. She will cry, sit and scream kick things, hit people and bit DH yesterday. She shouts at us and tells DH she hates him. She only seems to respond to me, but even I'm getting to the end of my patience.

I let her sleep in on the weekend but her behaviour still isn't great then. I've never known her like it.

She is sleeping okay, but has started wanting to come to my bed again, she is waking in the night crying and shouting out she doesn't want to go, or she doesn't want to eat her lunch. I've tried talking to her the odd time she is being reasonable but she just says she doesn't like school and wants to stay with mummy, I've tried to narrow it down to see if it's anything specific but she hasn't said.

I've spoken to her teacher and she stated she has been a little tearful but overall fine, however the teacher did seemed rushed so not much chance for a proper chat. We do have parents evening first week of November.

It's crushing me seeing her so distressed. Is this normal for when they start school or was she just not ready and I should of deferred her a year?

I would have deferred unless you were 100% sure she was ready, just turned 4 is so young to start school.

Spone to the TA this morning and we are all going to set up a meeting she was so lovely.

DD is very active, I've tried to implement quiet time after school and relaxed weekends but she's having none of it. When she's home she's on her scooter, playing and running riot. She also loved being outside so I'm not sure this weather is helping and she feels contained as when she was at the childminders they went somewhere most days.

Just to say I have a Sept child and reception was a nightmare behaviour wise. He also attended nursery 5 days a week before so was use to longer days if anything. School is a massive step up for them no matter the age.
We have a few friends who really struggled with reception and drop off (even to breakfast club). Its not always just drop them off and happy as some people seem to think
My DS reception teacher told me that as parents we are our child's safe space. They may behave all day at school generally, hold in emotions and generally be seen as a perfect child but when they get home, all hell breaks loose. They see you as their safe space so feel they can display any behaviour and you still still love them as it should be.
Its bloody hard when you are in that moment though but her comments really have stuck with my since then. I can really tell at what point in a term the work steps up and when we are getting close to a half term or end of term.

It does get better. My DS is now Year 2 and behaviour at home tends to now start going down hill around the last week of term. I've learnt alot about how to manage him when he gets home from school etc. What makes it worse and what makes it better.
I find a good run around the park with friends after school is a good wind down from the day. We have activities 3 evenings a week and 2 weekend days. The physical aspect of activities helps loads in regulation from a hard week learning at school.

Thankyou. The TA pretty much said this to me today that she's really well behaved at school.

I also think your right in the good run around after school, she's always been energetic so I do think it will help her let of steam. I try to just give her cuddles when she's angry and tell her I love her, but not going to lie it's so hard keeping calm.

God knows what the neighbours think.

God yes its so hard isn't it. There have been times I haven't kept my cool - this first 'I hate you and this family' I lost it slightly but we are all learning.
Its also a new chapter for parents to learn how to deal with their child's emotions and how to deal with the change in them becoming more independent etc.

I'm dreading the winter :( but will wrap up warm and take a flask of tea to the park lol.

I hope it gets better for you and sending some hugs for the hard times.

I can see you have arranged to speak with her teacher, definitely a good idea.

My youngest is a June baby, so I was worried about her starting, she also has low level SEN needs we think. We did consider deferring but ultimately decided against it, as she started school with a few good friends from the linked pre school. It did take a while for her to settle, but now in year 1, she is top of the class academically and loving school - it took time but she is thriving and I think would have been bored if we held her back.

If she can establish a couple of secure friendships that should really help her, can you arrange some playdates with 1 or 2 children from her class on a weekend so she can feel more comfortable?

You mentioned she misses being outside - most receptions have a large under cover outside area so children can be outside whatever the weather, does her school not have this? If not, maybe get involved with the PTA and look into funding this, it's so important. There should be very limited 'sitting time' at this stage, no longer than 15 min blocks for story time/phonics

I deferred my August born son (due September and born early). He has absolute thrived at school however occasionally still struggles emotionally so can’t imagine what he would have been like at barely 4. While every child is different and you know your child best, I speak from experience that deferring was the best thing for him.