Is it weaponised incompetence or are men just rubbish?

[NarnianQueen]

I absolutely believe that men pretend they can't do things like cooking or laundry without making a disaster of it, so they won't be asked again, but now I'm starting to wonder... I've seen so many men struggle with simple tasks when it really isn't going to benefit them to do it badly. Sometimes I think it's because they believe their way of doing it is the proper way, and everyone else is bodging it. My dh will meticulously place items in the dishwasher, taking 40 minutes to stack it, whereas I would take 5-10 minutes to shove it in - probably not to his liking, but perfectly adequately. But it's one of his jobs (his choice!) so I know he's not doing it slowly to make me take over. Same with guys at work - I work in events, and there can be lots of waiting around - when a man's in charge we all just stand around, when a woman is running it, she will always say "While we're waiting for the lights, let's sort out x..." You get so much more done.
They genuinely seem to struggle with things that women just get on with! Anyone else notice similar?

My DH is the same. He will take an hour to clean the bathroom while I can clean multiple rooms in the same time. But he is slow at everything, including reading things, it drives me mad because he just takes forever to do anything and I can't watch (and it's not even done that well).

It's so interesting! I have teens...a boy and a girl. My DD won't sleep unless her bedroom is perfectly tidy and everything arranged just so. My ds doesn't make a huge mess to be fair but he just doesn't really care about what it looks like.

I've not seen this, to be honest. Most men I know are perfectly capable, rounded adults.

I'm interested to know how people can confidently say this? I mean, I can say this about my own husband, because I live with him, but anyone else I'm going by what I'm told and maybe a couple of hours visiting.

By the way, my husband is a perfectly capable adult - but that doesn't mean he can't be a lazy so and so on occasion!

Also men and women’s brains ARE different and traditionally male and female tasks started that way because it is generally speaking what each gender is good at!

It's not really about being 'good' or 'bad' at things - most household chores require no real skill level to achieve to a decent standard (cooking and DIY possibly the exceptions). Effort, yes, but not skill.

DP has owned a bike now for 10 years and still has no idea how to pump up the tyres or how to oil it. We've lived in the same house now for 20 years with stuff kept in the same places, and if I said 'go and fetch me a screwdriver' I would just get blank looks.

Not in my experience. My grandad was a fastidious cleaner (might be an ex-army thing?). My dad, male flatmates, husband, brothers have all been extremely competent (some weirdly focussed on dishwasher loading efficiency).

I am clean and tidy, but relatively slap dash (same with most women I have lived with), my husband will flat dry all my wool, put all my tights on a delicate cycle (I didn’t realise this was a thing), regularly run cleaning cycles. I’m just not really that bothered. I do all the cooking as that’s what’s he’s not so bothered about - works well between the two of us.

weirdly focussed on dishwasher loading efficiency

I also focus on dishwasher loading but for no other reason than I am the one who empties it. The better it's loaded, the quicker I can empty it first thing before catching my bus!

Very few. But how many men work on building sites or oil rigs?

I dont see why Bob from accounts doing the same job as Julie from accounts gets a free ride on dishwasher duties because john works on an oil rig.

Plus my personal experience of men is the more 'man' the job the better they are at running the hoover round or ironing etc.

But that might just be me being lucky.

my DH splits jobs fairly with me - fortunately I'm mostly in change of interior while he deals with the garden

and DIY -he's good about the dishwasher and washing but takes4 times longer than me

That has nothing to do with housework.

I've also never known a man who, on being visited unexpectedly, will say 'oh, sorry about the mess,' whereas almost EVERY woman I know will do, even if the place isn't untidy at all.

I’ll be honest I’m a woman and I don’t care that much about that stuff. The house can’t be a cesspit but I’m not running myself ragged because it’s a little bit messy. If some jobs like mending clothes or sorting boxes of old toys or taking stuff to the dump or painting the downstairs bathroom take a while to get to it’s not the end of the world & if we only sweep up a couple of times a week in between the cleaner coming and there are sometimes crumbs on the floor I don’t care. I actually think accepting good enough and spending just enough time to achieve that is efficient and pragmatic rather than lazy.

The title of the thread is "are men just rubbish" not "is Bob from accounts just rubbish"

In reply to the guy who said that it's not weaponised incompetence but complete indifference...so you're indifferent to women's feelings while you expect them to do all or most of the drudgework...What a lovely basis for a healthy relationship...no wonder divorce is so common...

It speaks for itself that you're not in a healthy relationship with someone who has no respect for you.