Partner's occasional criticism/culture 'differences'

[Celia24]

My partner and I are just back from a week long holiday. Had a lovely time overall, now feel very chilled overall.

However a couple of things annoyed me and made me feel criticised during the trip. For the record, my partner is German and typically more rigid/ordered about things and I'm quite relaxed/open by contrast although we are both quite practical.

• So on day one I pointed at an unusual looking bicycle on the road because I'd never seen it before. Two people were in the bike. When I did this he told me it was rude to point at people!

• In a bookshop I started reading a book and came across a funny anecdote relating to an in joke from our trip. I went to find him in the bookshop and he told me 'where I'm from' it's rude to walk around with a book you're not going to buy

I was so annoyed, told him I came to share a funny story with him and he was being hyper critical I wouldn't be spoken to like a child. He said sorry but what is this all about?

AIBU to think he needs the lighten up and stop having a go?

Ha, I like that! So both wrong!

I'm German and I have never heard that it's rude to walk around with a book in a bookshop. The big Hugendubel at the Marienplatz in Munich used to have (probably still has) reading areas with comfy seats and sofas where you could take books to.

@Terrribletwos I was replying to a poster who was saying she was rude and I was disagreeing.

Bonkers

I don't think that makes sense in any way tbh! In fact I think it sounds completely bonkers. What if you are buying or trying on multiple garments from different parts of the shop? And why on earth would it not be ok to show someone an item in another aisle? Baffling.

I don't think it's anything to do with being German, OP. I teach German and have worked with quite a lot of German people. None of them were like that!

I love the idea of being taught the correct distance for moving a skirt or book away from a shelf. We need some kind of highway code type guide with book/skirt moving distances.

I think it's rude to criticise people for innocuous, non-offensive behaviour. I think 'rude' is when you hurt / offend a person or damage property. I can't be arsed with arbitrary 'cultural' definitions.

I see a German has just been appointed England manager. I hope the 'no pointing, no moving books' cultural differences are fully worked out in advance.

What's rude about walking over to someone your with, carrying a book to show them?

It's rude and disrespectful to the shop owner to walk about flicking through and reading a book you have no intention of buying. You shouldn't pick things up and walk away with them if you're not going to buy it. 'But she was going to buy it' you say, well just look at it at home then.

I was out the other day and we saw two people on the same scooter, pointed as they looked great and they waved and we waved back. Pointing and laughing is rude, but waving your hand in the general direction of an interesting bike isn't terribly rude.

As for the carrying around books/skirts in a shop, it's called browsing, no of course you don't have to rush to the nearest till. It's fine to carry things around til you have finished looking down all the shelves, even across floors in a clothes shop and then take the whole lot to the till.

He sounds a bit hyper-critical and I married someone like this, it is very very wearing and eats away at your lovely happiness over what- trivial crap.

Or put the things back as you have decided against them. You can even leave them with a shop assistant, their entire lives are spent putting things back that people have decided not to buy and moved about the shop.

How ridiculous!

Did you ever hear about browsing while shopping? Selecting things as you go before deciding on what you’re actually going to keep?

You must live in a different world.

For me personally, book-buying is all about the enjoyment, the impulse that strikes me whilst browsing in a cosy bookshop, I'll read the back-blurb of many that catch my eye, flick through a subset of those, then sit down and read the first bit to see if the writing style/content actually grabs me, often discuss with DH/DC whether we think we might all enjoy it...

I can only imagine that those who think that one must Pick Up, Not Inspect The Book Contents until you get home, Head Directly To Till and Do Not Pass Go, must buy books like one buys a single plastic packet of M3.5 12mm self-tapping woodworking screws in a hardware shop when you urgently need to fix a broken chair? Like books are just a functional tool that aren't for the pleasure of reading?

I mean, how, in this scheme would you be able to make a selection between a choice of books?

@faldo is correct.
He is an overly critical man and a real cheeky fxxker to think it is his place to criticise you.
He thinks he is superior to you.
Be very wary OP.
Those traits have PRICK written all over them.

Exactly. This is why Kindle allows you to read samples for free.

German here. I'm unaware of any strictures against book-browsing unless you're talking about getting through an entire novel, then putting it back on the shelf 😉 We are indeed taught not to point at people - in my dad's words, "one doesn't point a naked finger at clothed people." Not relevant to your tandem I would have thought.

Yes some of my compatriots can come across a bit schoolmarmish, in particular when it comes to jaywalking anywhere within 500 feet of small children who might pick up the wrong idea 🤣 Yes there is a certain bluntness which is also a north-south divide within the country - you can reliably tell the north Germans by how in placing an order at the butcher's or baker's they'll restrict themselves to voicing a two-word direct object compared to the southerner's "I'd like x/y/z, please." That said, German bluntness is NOTHING compared to Dutch bluntness ("we're not rude we're just direct.") And unfortunately from 5 years living in South Holland the trouble with that is a whole lot of Dutchies are much better at dishing it out than taking it in good grace when they get dutched back in return, let alone by a mere foreigner 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Your bf sounds a bit of a prick and a bit over-earnest. Try and see how he responds to an over-earnest approach from your side - "There's a PROBLEM I'd like to address", yada, yada, serious look. It might well work!

Browsing books and skirts are different - OP was consuming the book as she was walking around, before paying for it.

This is utterly insane 😂

God forbid that she’d have eaten the whole book while she was there!

Bookshops would struggle even more to sell goods if they can’t compete with the likes of online book samples which exist to allow people to get a ‘taste’ of the book before purchase. Fortunately book shop owners have the sense to recognise this.

Do you think that chairs and sofas are in bookshops to provide you with a place to snooze?

Gosh, what’s with all these people who think you committed a major crime? I have often wandered around bookshops with books in my hand without being reprimanded. I don’t see pointing at an bike as rude either.
I think your partner was just being German. In my experience, they don’t point at people but they do have a terrible habit of staring and they are very prone to telling other people what to do.
Every nationality has its own little quirks.

We consume media. We don't eat it.

🤣🤣🤣

‘Devoured’ the whole book perhaps? 😂

What is the distinction between browsing parts of a book (or looking at its illustrations) in order to decide whether to buy it, and consuming parts of a book in order to decide whether to buy it?

I mean, the way I read books, I look at it with my eyes and the information enters my brain. Do others rip pages out and swallow them? Or, does the very fact of the book's content entering the reader's brain constitute some form of wrongdoing?