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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bringing your whole fucking family to A&E

354 replies

changedlife · 14/10/2024 19:52

Waiting to be seen at A&E. sent here by GP because DH has had an adverse blood result that needs to be dealt with.

A&E packed as usual. To be expected. However one family is here with one woman. There are 5 grown adults with the patient who is in her 30s... I don't know her issue but laughing a joking with the family. Just to add to the joy their phones go off constantly whereupon they give a blow by blow run down of her current medical state (she's hurt her foot it seems - from the latest phone update. )

DH is disabled. There is nowhere to sit In A&E. Foot-family are settled in and have actually just had a KFC delivery. I swear it's like an evening out for them.

DH can't stand. So have sent him back to wait in the car - which as he has a blue badge - is quite close. I'll call him when his turn comes. As I can stand.. However .. AIBU to think you don't need FIVE adults accompanying you to A&E. ? Especially with some really poorly older people have had to resort to sitting on the floor ? (And no one has volunteered their seat for them. )

OP posts:
ShinyShona · 14/10/2024 23:43

I'm annoyed enough when whole families get in the way doing the supermarket shop together. A&E would really piss me off.

flowersintheatticus · 14/10/2024 23:50

YANBU OP, there's a certain type of family who love this sort of thing. One of my dc had brittle asthma and we spent many a night in A&E and there were 'regulars' we'd often see whose dc never seemed particularly sick but they'd be there and their extended family would turn up one by one over the hours and they'd have a very jovial get together. Lots of phone calls to other family members (who must have been too far away to come and join the party) that would always start with "The child is in hospital again" followed by the same update fifty million times. I got to know them over a period of time and one of them told me that they'd been in the night before too and "the atmosphere was incredible". Not really how I'd describe a hospital waiting room, but different strokes for different folks.

Headinthesand21 · 14/10/2024 23:56

ahemfem · 14/10/2024 20:45

It's not the staff's job to be organising grown ass adults to share seats. Sort it out amongst yourselves.

Show quote history

As a nurse, I can tell you that it is the role of the staff to ensure that patients are safe and as comfortable as possible in the waiting room. Is absolutely is our job to sometimes intervene and actually our hospital is quite hot on it

ProvincialLady24 · 14/10/2024 23:56

It was the same on the maternity wards -
entire family had an outing.

viques · 15/10/2024 00:00

Motherland2624 · 14/10/2024 22:42

You can’t order kfc to hospitals

Beg to differ. In my case the slobby oaf’s husband ordered it and stood outside the hospital entrance to collect it from the delivery driver. Then brought it up to the ward.

Okitsme · 15/10/2024 00:01

I was in a breast cancer centre when there was two women with six under fives between them. One was there to support but the children were basically unsupervised and running around even when the patient went for a scan on her own. Another time I found myself entertaining an older child while his parents sat elsewhere, luckily I was there for my yearly follow up but the waiting room was full of scared women and no place for children.

Screamingabdabz · 15/10/2024 00:08

SoreHeadInBed · 14/10/2024 21:43

I empathise, but Id be cautious of judging anyone in hospital. You no nothing about this family, their circumstances or why they need to have everyone there. It may be annoying, but if you don't know what it's all about, just leave them be and focus on yourself.

There are countless reasons why all might be there from some really sad reasons (I'm sure you can imagine), to some reasons which might see minor to many but could be a big deal for this family. Who knows.

They lose the right to empathy when they act like inconsiderate cunts to everyone else.

Equally the NHS should and could get serous about this sort of shit and only allow one adult companion per patient. It would be a fairly low cost easy policy change and would probably improve the well-being and morale of the staff overnight.

margegunderson · 15/10/2024 00:13

Dollychopsporkchops · 14/10/2024 21:21

I mean I get where you’re coming from. But also, it’s not the biggest of deals op

Crap. I've been in a&e twice this year for basically gynae haemorrhage and was at risk of passing out if I'd stood for the waiting time (10 hours on the second occasion). Taking the seats from actual sick people who need them IS a big deal.

crowsfeet57 · 15/10/2024 00:41

I was in A and E a while ago when a couple turned up with three children, all primary school ages, one of whom had a suspected broken arm. It was really busy so it would have made more sense for one parent to take the other children home. After a few minutes a pair of grandparents turned up but instead of taking the uninjured children home they sat down and started passing out snacks. Then the other grandparents arrived, switly followed by two sets of Aunts and Uncles with two more children each. It was like a party and all seven of the children were running around shrieking, including the one with the suspected broken arm.

It was totally surreal.

MaiAamWaliHun · 15/10/2024 00:43

Gosh try living in India. It's normal for the whole family to turn up at hospital (also they are probably paying a share of the cost). But yes it would be annoying in a UK context.

Berlinlover · 15/10/2024 01:04

I live in Ireland and was in A&E last year. There was a teenage girl there who was a member of the travelling community. I’ve no idea what was wrong with her but it certainly didn’t appear to be serious. She had fourteen family members with her all shouting and roaring at the top of their voices. There were two members of security working there who did absolutely nothing, mind you no one in their right mind would take on fifteen travellers. I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing.

Planetsd · 15/10/2024 01:07

YANBU. I had this in the emergency maternity assessment unit last week. No seats for anyone, even some pregnant ladies while her and four family members sat eating McDonald's... There was only about 20 seats in the waiting room.

Duckingella · 15/10/2024 01:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

If they travellers I wouldn't recommend challenging them;that could end up with a trip straight to resus for someone.

BananaSplitSandwich · 15/10/2024 01:38

YANBU. DH actually phoned back 999, at my insistence, after I had 4 seizures a couple of weeks ago. The last time I was taken to casualty was about 4 years ago and and I waited 14 hours for a bed. I still don’t feel great nearly two weeks later but at least I’ve been comfy in my bed and seen my consultant in my own time. It’s dreadful that people, with genuine ailments, are having to just give up on medical care because they can’t get seen 😢

4offPlease · 15/10/2024 01:49

Puttingupscaffolds · 14/10/2024 20:02

Fingerlicking fuckers....YANBU

😂😂😂

4offPlease · 15/10/2024 02:01

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 14/10/2024 21:34

The NHS has to suet this out.

The hospitals have been turned into entertainment parks.

And yes, it’s up to the staff to sort it out but can’t be arsed.

There'll be eating steak puddings in there before long

PeloMom · 15/10/2024 02:20

oh man we had one of those at our last a&e visit. I did however managed to sit close enough to them with my puking kid (our dr told us to go to a&e after a phone consult). They ordered pizza an hour or so in the wait. The smell made my kid puke even more… it was insane. It was an adult man and his 3 daughters - late 20s to mid 30s ages. Visibly nothing wrong with anyone.

mathanxiety · 15/10/2024 03:26

The last time I was in my local ER (in the US) there was a big sign on the wall at the entrance to the effect that only one person could accompany each patient, and there was absolitely no eating or drinking allowed, and no smoking or vaping. The receptionist stated the same to everyone checking in, and ordered hangers-on out, in a tone that said "mess with me at your own risk".

dottiehens · 15/10/2024 03:48

How dreadful! It is wild out there. I was having a manicure last week and a woman next to me was very loud on the phone all the time she was there. Later went to use a toilet in Westfield and a woman was on the phone very loud again while using the toilet.. Got to hear both of their life stories.
Why do they accept phones in A&E and a whole family that on top is loud? What is going on this country? Nobody cares anymore. Suddenly we find ourselves in a not very civil society anymore.

Differentstarts · 15/10/2024 05:40

ahemfem · 14/10/2024 20:45

It's not the staff's job to be organising grown ass adults to share seats. Sort it out amongst yourselves.

Show quote history

Yes it is ours do this all the time they start of by saying anyone who is not a patient needs to stand up so patients can sit down and if it gets to busy it turns into anyone who is not a patient has to wait outside

Gunnersforthecup · 15/10/2024 05:41

mathanxiety · 15/10/2024 03:26

The last time I was in my local ER (in the US) there was a big sign on the wall at the entrance to the effect that only one person could accompany each patient, and there was absolitely no eating or drinking allowed, and no smoking or vaping. The receptionist stated the same to everyone checking in, and ordered hangers-on out, in a tone that said "mess with me at your own risk".

It can easily take 16 hours in the UK for a patient to be admitted to hospital, sometimes a lot longer. Food is not provided for that patient, at least it wasn't when I previously was a relative or "hanger on" in that situation.

Differentstarts · 15/10/2024 05:48

Babbahabba · 14/10/2024 22:17

My dad was in A & E for over a day while he was waiting for a bed in ICU. There were a few of us there with him.

But you wouldn't of been sat in the waiting area taking up chairs I assume if your dad was waiting for a bed in icu he was in a bed in a&e

Differentstarts · 15/10/2024 05:53

Motherland2624 · 14/10/2024 22:42

You can’t order kfc to hospitals

Of course you can you can order food to anywhere except schools. Iv ordered food when an inpatient. Plus staff order food to. What makes you think you can't

listsandbudgets · 15/10/2024 06:42

YANBU OP.

Had to take DD a few years ago and there was a huge family group of 8 majnly adults.I couldn't tell which one was ill.

To be fair they weren't all using chairs becaise they'd bought a picnic rig and were literally having a picnic.
Flasks, sandwiches, cans of drinks, samosas, biscuits, crisps and Dips. At one point a other relative even turned up with more food.

It was so bad it was almost funny.. luckily for them DD who was projectile vomiting wasn't close to them ( or anyone who had a choice!) but the sight of all.that food was not helping her stomach I was dodging about like some kind of maniac trying to catch vomit in the bucket I'd thoughtfully grabbed as.we left the house

As for me after 3 hours I was so tired and hungry I nearly went and asked them for a sandwich and a cup of tea.. DD was eventually admitted as she couldn't even keepnwater down

BlueSkiesFromPain · 15/10/2024 06:45

YANBU

Last year I was in a car crash. I had a broken arm, whiplash and concussion. When I got to A&E I was told it was full and DH had to wait outside. I was there 9 hours alone waiting to be seen whilst others had their DH’s and mums with them. One family had turned up at 1am with 2 sisters and their DHs. They wanted checking for angina. It was a night out for them from what I heard.

Nearly 1 year later I’m about to have counselling for the distress of my accident which was made worse by the aftermath of being in A&E alone all night terrified and having massive anxiety attacks.