Let them. (What have you walked away from and not looked back?)

[girlfriend44]

I thought this might be interesting.
There's a saying go round and a group called let them.

You walk away from conflict, arguments, problems without getting angry and getting into conflict also chasing people when the relationship is toxic.
You basically walk away and let people think what they want.
Have you walked away and not engaged recently and let them.

I think sometimes it can make you feel better.

We always think we have to engage, argue back, try and get our point across, be worried about what people think.
Have you adopted the let them approach and has it helped you?

I've not heard of this approach.
I really wish I could do this but tbh I would need to really work on myself to be able to.

I don’t think we do always think we need to argue back or put our point across. Sometimes yes, depending on the situation.

I’m certainly not unduly concerned about what other people think. I care very much what I think of my own actions and choices, but there are probably fewer than ten people in the world whose opinion, if different from mine on something I’d done, would cause me concern.

Oh yes, with lots of people. Some people you just can't win with 🤷‍♀️

I took this approach with my (ex) in laws for over twenty years. You really save yourself a lot of angst if you can manage it successfully.

I have with an old friend. I'm not justifying or engaging...just walked away from a toxic relationship.
My life is so much simpler.

I live by the ‘Let them…’ approach and it has made my life so peaceful.

If someone doesn’t want to speak to me.. OK
If someone doesn’t want to reply to my text… OK
If someone doesn’t want to see me.. OK
If someone wants to walk out of my life.. OK
These are just a few examples but I won’t stand for any shit behaviour from anyone.

It took me getting badly hurt to be able to get to this point but I’m better for it.

Yes I do this a lot. I have learned that I can't change the behaviour of others, I can only change my reaction to it. It has improved my life considerably. And with close family, I tend to bite my tongue rather than immediately jumping in with my opinion/advice.

Mel Robbins has a podcast episode on this approach. It's really worth a listen.

I learned this as a coping technique for chronic fatigue. And also social networks. It's very helpful.

I love this theory and I try to use it in every aspect of my life (easier said than done)

Of course you need to do this sometimes
Some people will never be able to understand.
Some people don’t want to understand because only their feelings matter.

Some problems can’t be fixed because there is too much water under the bridge.

Thank you for this, Mel is great

Which episode was it please, I’ve just down loaded her podcast.

Was it the one on narcissists?

Let them / not my circus, not my monkeys /grey rock has been my mantra for the last ten years, it’s so liberating.

I’ve not missed any of the people if affected even once. They do usually try to create even more drama/claw their way back in for a while when they realise you aren’t playing ball, but they give up eventually.

Sometimes its the only course of action. Imagine a troublemaker is slagging you off behind your back, and no one talks to your face about it. People just go cold on you, how are you supposed to challenge that?
Let them get on with it and move on. Eventually people will realise they've been a flying monkey. Or they won't; its no longer your problem.

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000614815209

I concluded this 10-15 years ago.

Started with comments on Facebook. I suddenly thought, why am I wasting time trying to correct people? Why is it so important to share my opinion? who cares. Let people get on with it.

With a family member too. Realised nothing I say or do will ever be good enough or the right thing, they’d still find something to be annoyed at, unhappy with, offended by. Decided to just give up caring what they think. Let them get on with it.

now, more widely, I will rarely put across an opinion or tell people my reasons for something. I sort of nod and agree and just let them think whatever they want. I have kinda given up caring

It takes a lot of self-esteem and confidence to do that. FIL absolutely desperate to hate me so I let him, I absolutely don’t need to spend my energy convincing him I’m worth his respect 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

I didn't know this, so will listen.

My in laws.

After 15 years of arguments and my name being thrown through the mud I walked away completely. Unfortunately for them DH followed (naturally that is also my fault he made that choice).

Constantly hear gossip and get social media posts sent to me where they have been bitching and trying to get a rise out of us but it's not worth our peace.

Do they keep trying to talk to you?

I am extremely interested in this. It occupies a huge amount my head space most days. Ridiculous I know. I had close friends. One has withdrawn, one completely disappeared. It rattles round my head.

I'd like to do " let them" but I feel lonely.

I do this all the time. I don't see the point in arguing. They are not going to see my side and I won't see theirs (because it's bonkers) so I walk away, say nothing more and if they reach out I ignore or just say we're not compatible. I have done it with boyfriends, ex in-laws, workplaces, friends. It's very liberating and totally underrated.

I only argue with people whose opinion I actually value.
So it's never an argument as those people are capable of discussing a disagreement, if they were argumentative people it is unlikely I would respect them enough to put any store in their point of view.

It's incredibly easy to not argue with people whose opinion you feel has little to no value.

Another advantage is that if you walk away, and then they try to hoover you back in to the argument they created; its a fairly safe bet that you are dealing with a narcissist. In which case walking away is absolutely the safest course of action.

You can't argue with stupid. Don't even bother trying as it will get you nowhere.