To have snapped back at moody dp

[linziiee]

I wake up every morning with the the children while dp stays in bed. Dp is self employed and doesn't work late nights or early mornings. Mainly just a few afternoons a week. So no excuses for staying in bed and not helping. I wake up get 3 dc ready, take two to school and one to nursery before going to work myself. Dc woke dp up be with just general morning noise and he woke up vile, (it was 8am, so not super early) barging into livingroom shouting im sick of this, waking me up everyday. Wait until the weekend when your sleeping, ill wake you all up so early with banging. I defended them and said they've done nothing wrong, their just getting ready for school and they should'nt have to tip toe. You should be up helping anyway. Then he flipped on me calling me lazy when he is the poster boy for lazy. Now were not talking because he's mad at me for calling him out.

You must absolutely leave this vile man

Him threatening you is coercive control, a crime.
Call Womens aid.
Call SS, self report that your husband abuses you and your children and threatened you with SS if you try and leave, ask them for advice.
Start taking control OP.
He is abusing your poor children.
You can act.

Oh that's good in a way. Only thing is he will make sure he pays very little child maintenance

Sounds like your family life would be a lot happier if you split up. Sounds like you've gradually fallen into this pattern and have had your eyes opened recently. Do not let this be your life. Your kids are happier when he's not there - says it all really.

I can remember that when I told my then husband that I wanted a divorce he said that nobody would grant me one or let me see the children because they’d immediately be able to see that I was “mental” for wanting to leave him…

it’s his fear and weakness that is making him make threats re social services

I’ve been really happily divorced for ages

don’t let him put you off doing it if you really want to- your life will undoubtedly be better after

Just one thing- if you are physically afraid of him acknowledge that and get support x

OP, for the sake of your kids, get them away from this miserable lazy arse. He add’s absolutely nothing to your life.

I think you know the answer

Honestly sitting here thinking about it he contributes nothing positive to our lives.

And there's your answer OP.

I can tell from reading just what you’ve posted here that you would cope amazingly without him, your life would improve. Tell him ‘ social services get lots of fake calls from sad pathetic men who were always too selfish and lazy to do any parenting then get mad when their partner tells them some truths. Social services will see right through you- remember that when you’re talking to them. They are thinking you pathetic excuse for a man’

Honestly sounds awful. I would seriously be considering ending the relationship. I have a 3 and 6 year old and my partner is always so happy to see their little faces in the morning even at 6am when I get them up for breakfast club! I mean he’s usually gone by then but the day he can have a lay in till 7 he does not care about being woken up!

OP I have just left one like this. Please do the same - like me you are already doing most of it on your own. your children deserve better, just like mine does.

I have a friend like this, her partner is completely bone idle,.doesn't help with kids can't hold down a job,.does nothing but quick to criticize everything she does. She does everything herself, walks around on eggs shells Incase she upsets the poor little flower. It blows my mind!! You're going it alone anyway! Loose the excess baggage which is your useless partner. You'll find that it is way better being alone than in this toxic situation. As for him calling ss, call his bluff on that one for sure! Your kids are going nowhere, that's the only thing he can think to say to manipulate and control you. Pathetic man. Run!

You should get out now and live happily with your children looks like your already well trained in being a single parent with how useless he is

I wake up get 3 dc ready, take two to school and one to nursery before going to work myself.

Please start making plans to live without him. You will have peace and calm, a wonderful new life.

Do you own or rent? Whose names?

But you are coping without him, sure he does nothing except making your life harder?! Without him there will be less mess, 2 less to cook for, do laundry for, clean up after and best of all your children and you can be yourselves. Yes there will be less money coming in but also expenses will be a bit less and you might be able to claim some welfare support? Don't worry about social services, like what is he going to say, you are the only parent those children have!

Bye bye DP.

Ugh.
Is there a special farm where they grow these horrible, self-centred, lazy potato-pig men?

What I really mean is he's a miserable, bone-idle DARVOing wanker, and a nasty sod to his DC too.

Imagine how nice life would be without him OP!
In the meantime, I'd be getting the kids to bang some saucepans together before school as part of your new morning noise-making ritual.

You are doing it all anyway and paying the majority of the bills, all that will happen if you leave is you no longer have to expend the mental energy on trying to judge his moods or tiptoeing around your own house incase you kick him off. He is adding nothing positive to you and your children's life. He's just an emotional drain who is blighting your children's childhoods with his moodiness.

What are you and your DC getting out of this relationship? Think how different your lives would be if you were putting this much effort into someone that appreciated you

Life is too short for this. Get out for yours and your kids sake. Would you want your children to enter into relationships like this, because that's what will happen? Get free of him, then you and the kids can have positive energy in the house all the time. You'll be amazed how much more you end up liking yourself when you don't have the resentment of living with a mean, negative, moany man child!

And phone social services for what?? For a start, no he won't and secondly what on earth do you think would happen if he did? If there was any investigation whatsoever, they would see the situation for what it is and dismiss it. They're not daft.

Be free. Be happy. Enjoy your life. Enjoy your children.

So want to hear that OP is leaving this vile excuse for a man. I’m not normally in the LTB camp, but when your ‘partner’ is having such a negative effect on your life and your children’s, surely it’s time to get out?!

"Not abusive"?

He hasn't hit you but he seems to be going for gold in every other method of domestic abuse.

Belittling and undermining of what you do? Yep.

Financially abusive, leaving you to pay for 100% of the child costs? Yep.

Barging into rooms and shouting, leaving you all walking on eggshells for fear of provoking him? Yep.

Gaslights you into thinking you can't cope without him? Yep.

Threatens to use external agencies as a vehicle of control? Also yep.

Have my first ever LTB.

Leave him.
He’s only threatening SS as he’s scared that you’ll actually leave him, he’ll have no live in maid, will have to get a proper job and look after his kids sometimes. There are nothing but benefits for you.
You and the kids prefer it when he’s not there, make it permanent!