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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sibling’s secret wedding

154 replies

IsitanIssue · 10/10/2024 14:07

Name change for obvious reasons.

Without being too outing, keeping it short as need opinions!

I got engaged, booked the venue, sent out save the dates to our guests. After sending out the save the dates, my sibling became engaged and booked their wedding to take place abroad 2 months after mine.

To avoid drip feeding: This is my first marriage. It is my sibling’s second marriage.* They left their first marriage after having an affair. It’s been less than 5 years since they got married the first time.

We did not go to my sibling’s wedding because it was a few months after ours and on the other side of the world. Unsurprisingly, we were broke after our wedding and did not have time to plan financially to go on their holiday of a lifetime so soon after our own celebrations. Clearly, relations were strained. This has created a HUGE rift in the family, and this sibling shouted at me several times and family members have been furious with us for not attending their wedding.

TWIST: It now turns out that my sibling secretly got married LOCALLY just days before our own wedding. So when we did not go abroad a few months later, we actually did not miss their legal marriage, as this was secretly attended locally to us with parents there. No one else seems to know the wedding abroad was not the legal wedding. Now legally, there was no need to get married in advance locally, as the wedding abroad would have been entirely legal and they are residents there.

AIBU- No reason to feel annoyed, and they are right to resent you.

YANBU- They hid important information about the wedding when shouting at you. That’s annoying.

*They have since broken up!

OP posts:
Sharptonguedwoman · 14/10/2024 18:28

Garlicnaan · 14/10/2024 08:07

I think this attitude is silly. Does it matter whether it's legal or not? Do you want to celebrate your friend's marriage or not. If not don't go.

It wasn't me-but I can see the point. Weddings are hugely significant in some peoples' lives. I'm not sure how impressed I'd be if I'd driven to Aberdeen, say to find the actual wedding had occurred two weeks ago.
That said, civil and religious ceremonies happen on the continent all the time and the son of a friend actually got married in Covid with about 10 guests and then had another 'wedding' and party about two years later.

ilovegranny · 15/10/2024 18:31

Dear life, weddings are a nightmare! Whatever happened to ‘marriage’?

laraitopbanana · 15/10/2024 19:16

If they have now broken up…your family should leave you alone 🤷🏼‍♀️

If anyone tries and tell you when and where you can get married…ermmm… but if you can’t attend coz they don’t take you into consideration…well…not ermmmm…

laraitopbanana · 15/10/2024 19:17

ilovegranny · 15/10/2024 18:31

Dear life, weddings are a nightmare! Whatever happened to ‘marriage’?

It got promoted onto TV 🫣

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