To let DD (16) vape?

[WildInTheSky]

DD (16) vapes and so do her friends. I’ve tried everything to stop her vaping but she still vapes. Would I be unreasonable to just let her vape at this point? She knows the health risks and is nearly an adult. I’ve tried everything to get her to stop vaping and I’ve offered to support her to quit too but she is still vaping so I don’t know what else to do at this point. What would you do?

It’s the frequency that imo makes it different to alcohol.

Most people who drink socially aren’t addicted to alcohol.

Also a mum to a 16 yo, no, I wouldn’t just let it happen. I agree with cutting off money. I would also take any vapes you find in her room.

I wouldn't allow it but ultimately she's 16 and it's going to be near impossible to stop her completely. If she's using disposables why not allow a refillable one and start lowering her dosage of nicotine. I might be wrong but disposable ones are stronger and you can control how much nicotine goes in refillable so can start to ween her off or at least lower it down considerably?

When I think back to me and my friends smoking at 16, I don’t think there is much more you can do. I think you are right to ban it in your home and continue to disapprove of it due to health issues because that will cut down on the amount she vapes and will encourage her to quit. My teenage friends with very strict parents were always the most extreme.The really hard line parenting never worked. If anything, it made it more of a game. They didn’t seem to feel so guilty about letting their parents down. I don’t really know why.

We all quit smoking around university age.

Well at 16 you cant stop her.

Definitely this.
My DD says all the chavs vape and that's enough to put her off....thankfully....for now

I'm an adult vaper and don't understand the point of nicotine free ones. They're still full of loads of chemicals and you're still inhaling shite onto your lungs. Worst thing I ever did was take up vaping- am aiming to quit.

The problem is though vaping among young adults is considered more addictive than smoking. It may be quite difficult for the OP’s daughter to quit in the same way as the previous generation of young smokers did.

You won't stop her vaping if she wants to. You can disapprove and discuss in an adult way but flying off the handle pushes teenage experimentation into secrecy. Fury gives them something to rebel against.
Who do they then come to when their mates are doing ket and they need some sensible talk in their ears? Who do they come to when they've fucked up somehow? Or need to learn whether the way their boyfriend is treating them is wrong?
Don't make the mistake of thinking that bans and punishments will have any effect whatsoever on what teenagers get up to. They'll still do what they're going to do if they want to.
Far better imo for them to know you're always there and ready for them to talk to and won't fly into a rage.

Do you give her any money/pay for anything on top of her part time job? I'd probably go down the route of "well if you have money spare for vaping, you don't need the extra money I give you", and stop paying it.

I know it probably wouldn't stop it. But it would mean I wasn't funding it, even indirectly.

You can't stop her vaping but there can be financial implications and you can throw away anything you find in your house.

Other than enforcing the no vape rule at home, there’s little you can do about it. She knows how you feel about, going on and on about it will most likely strengthen her commitment to vaping.

My 17 year old vapes as do all her friends. I can’t get too worked up about it, my friends and I were doing way worse at that age!

they’ll probably grow out of it

If she's addicted to something that is legal and easily available I don't think there's much you can do.

I think the policy decisions around this have been a bit naïve. Though most evidence does show vaping is a lot better for your health than smoking cigarettes, it was inevitable that they would be marketed to children and not just to those quitting smoking. Without that the market would never expand and no-one would invest.

As pps have said I'd just enforce a 'not in my house rule'. Long term health risk has never been a persuasive argument for teenagers.

You wont be able to stop her but you can be sure she doesn't vape in the house or garden by continuing to express your concern and having rules in place about where she can cape,
No one actually knows what the long term health effects will be but they're not looking good

I don’t think going ‘nuclear’ will help. Make it clear you don’t approve and that you will bin any you find at home. The only way to guarantee that she never vapes is to stop her going out -anywhere. Which is unenforceable. I also wouldn’t go rooting through my 16 year olds bag and belongings, it is pretty intrusive and that kind of behaviour can ruin relationships into adult hood.

My sympathies.

Having never used nicotine before, DD became horribly addicted when she went away to uni after lockdown eased and the only places where social distancing was less rigorously enforced were the outside smoking areas of pubs and clubs.

We took a hard line approach: none anywhere at home, no additional money for treats, we reserved the right to search pockets if we did find anything lying around. She accepted all our conditions but continued the habit. I could never support her decision and stand by this as the only line I could possibly take.

The only thing that changed was when she had a series of dreadful chest infections and ultimately had an uncomfortable talking to from a young doctor in A&E.

She was ultimately scared enough to want to stop. It took a huge effort from all of us - nicotine patches, sucky lollipops and living with some dreadful mood swings but the main factor in all this was her acceptance and willingness to change.

i can never thank that brilliant doctor enough.

“Going nuclear”, searching her room and refusing to pay for driving lessons is ridiculous and all it will do is damage your relationship. I think you’re doing all you can by discussing the risks, encouraging her to be open with you, and banning it in your house. Surely at 16, she’s capable of making informed decisions? I know my 15 year old is (who doesn’t vape as far as I know).

The idea that she won’t get certain jobs if she vapes is also laughable. There’s no point in presenting silly arguments as it’ll just dilute the real discussions.

One concern I’d have is is she eating properly? As lots of girls use vaping as an appetite suppressant.

I would be worried.

A young man local to me ended up in hospital with permanent lung damage due to vaping.

If you can't stop her, then at least try to make sure that she's using uk-made liquids, as you don't know what quality standards the imported ones are subjected to - if any.

You probably can't stop her. I would just regularly point out the health implications and the horror stories of young people with serious lung disease caused by it. I'm sure you've already done that, but no harm in repeating it. I'd personally rather my children smoked cigarettes if they were going to smoke anything - although obviously also bad for them at least the damage is unlikely to surface until decades later, by which time they'd have probably stopped. They don't smoke though. My children view vaping as extremely chavvy behaviour with a revolting smell.

My 16 yo is vaping and I hate it but she has ADHD and said it really helps. I googled and sure enough there are loads of studies/articles saying that nicotine therapy is being trialed and developed for ADHD and tics etc. so I've had to are that she can, providing she also takes the ADHD medication. I was doing much more worse things at her age so I'm just glad she's been honest with me.

You could show her this (warning, contains extremely graphic medical images)

https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/147/5/e2020022301/180835/Vaping-the-Venom-Oral-Cavity-Cancer-in-a-Young?autologincheck=redirected

Peer pressure is huge here. I was so lucky at 16 that my friends didn't smoke. It was very much rough girls smoked, 'naice' girls didn't. By the time I got to sixth form ( designated smoking room) I was mature enough to decide smoking wasn't for me regardless of what anyone else was doing. It needs the coolest person in the friendship group to stop and then the others will immediately drop it . Presumably they all vape together and hang out outside the shop that's selling to underage teens so if she's not doing the ' group thing' then she's out of the group . The nicotine part will also be a huge factor. You have no sympathy Op. It's a vile habit; the adult version of having a dummy.

My sympathy not no sympathy

Vaping is a total curse and seems to be very addictive. It's a money spinner snd the shops should be banned. Join a campaign to get vaping banned. Don't allow it in the house. And don't give her money for vaping