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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel awkward seeing my friends naked

128 replies

Sundaycoffee · 08/10/2024 22:52

How do you feel about seeing your friends walk around in the nude? Is it assumptious of them to think you would be fine with it? Or am I the prude?
One of my friends is perfectly comfortable whipping everything out when we are away together (e.g when she is changing she will just stand there chatting to me totally naked). It makes me feel awkward and I don't know where to look.
She's a size 22 so everything is very "out there" I don't think her being smaller would make me feel differently but it's definitely a lot harder to try and ignore her gigantic boobs 🤣
Would you be fine with this? AIBU?

OP posts:
RoachFish · 09/10/2024 06:47

Being Scandinavian I have to say that I’m glad we don’t have these hang ups around naked bodies. The only long-term friends I haven’t seen naked are my UK friends. I have been skinny dipping with most my Swedish friends, we have sat naked in saunas together, we get changed in front of each other and that’s both males and females in some cases. I would hate to think of these very natural occurrences to be seen as something rude or uncomfortable.

I also worked as a model for a decade in the 90s/00s and have had full on work conversations with my boobs out.

honestasever · 09/10/2024 06:54

I would feel uncomfortable but know I shouldn’t.

I would also feel uncomfortable being naked, I’m quite proud of my body so I’ve no idea why tbh

UnimaginableWindBird · 09/10/2024 06:58

I'm fine with that, and grew up in a happily naked culture, but realize that most people in the UK feel awkward around nudity so I try to keep covered around them, but if I'm completely honest, the constraints around nudity make me feel quite uncomfortable.

greengreyblue · 09/10/2024 07:00

I don’t know anyone like this There’s no need to be naked around others unless it’s your partner or you’re at a nudist beach. I’m not a prude, was quite open at home when chn were little but I would change in private.

Beezknees · 09/10/2024 07:01

I don't know anybody like this either.

I don't think anybody should be forced to look at someone naked if they don't want to though.

teatoast8 · 09/10/2024 07:02

I've seen some friends naked vice versa really doesn't bother me

FrenchandSaunders · 09/10/2024 07:27

@Headinthesand21 … colleagues 😳😳

FrenchandSaunders · 09/10/2024 07:29

Friends of mine got into a hot tub naked on a holiday … I didn’t join them.

Despite growing up with a mother who was happy to swan around in the buff, even in front of my friends, I’m actually quite private.

Skyrainlight · 09/10/2024 07:45

Sundaycoffee · 08/10/2024 23:09

Yeah totally get this when people are changing at the gym and spa and that doesn't bother me at all and I don't pay any attention. It's more the expectation to have a full blown conversation with someone with your knockers and everything else out with the assumption that you're going to have to look directly at them/make eye contact

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Super uncomfortable. I would not enjoy this and may actually move so I didn't get the full frontal view or ask them to pop a gown on while we chatted or just decide that it was a good time to need the loo in the hopes they would be dressed by the time I finished.

ChampagneLassie · 09/10/2024 07:46

I think she’s behaving as she would at home and obviously feels totally comfortable with you. I think it’s hard to say something without potentially hurting her feelings

NunyaBeeswax · 09/10/2024 07:47

zeitweilig · 09/10/2024 02:40

Have you never been to a public pool changing area?

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Hundreds of times.
My home town baths in the 80s were separated by sex. But had cubicles everyone used or they'd be wrapped in a towel in the communal areas.

These days the baths I go to have large unisex changing areas where there's tons of cubicles and no real communal areas, just walls of lockers. No naked people wandering about there either.

Anoisagusaris · 09/10/2024 07:50

Waiting9 · 08/10/2024 23:09

It’s possibly life stage dependent perhaps? I’m in my 20s and have definitely seen my friends in different states of undress for example staying over at each other’s homes, living together at university, getting ready for nights out, going to the gym/spa/sauna or getting ready on holiday together. It’s not that unusual especially if one person needs help with something like doing up a dress, or one occasion where the shower broke and someone came in to quickly fix it, or worst case if someone ended up very drunk and needed to be helped to get home and in bed. That’s just off the top of my head though thinking back the last few years!

Even us oldies were in our 20s at some stage 😆 I did all those things and never saw my friends naked. Although we wore underwear under dresses !

SidekickSylvia · 09/10/2024 08:03

In your last example, you were sitting down and your friend was standing. Ewww. I wouldn't like that, at all.

Tangerinenets · 09/10/2024 08:06

I’m 52, probably been on about 40 or 50 girls holidays/weekrnds and not one if my friends has ever stripped off naked. Boobs yes as we all used to go to-less when younger but never full on naked. Not sure if it would bother me as I’ve worked in healthcare for 30 years so have seen lots if naked bodies but I would be shocked.

EBearhug · 09/10/2024 08:08

MumblesParty · 09/10/2024 00:16

@mardirousse because her size makes her breasts larger and even more noticeable

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It might not. Mine stayed A-cup even at size 22.

I'm not thst bothered about nudity, but I think context matters. I would probably expect to see some nakedness in a communal changing room or shared hotel room. Probably not a whole conversation, but I can easily imagine having a conversation with some friends who seem to be unable to multitasking, so would talk rather than dress. Others would talk while dressing. I don't think I'd be particularly bothered, but if I was, I might say, "put some clothes on before you get cold."

Eekomouse · 09/10/2024 08:16

An older lady (60s/70s) struck up a conversation with me in the gym changing room while she was totally starkers. It did make me feel like a total prude as I didn’t know where to look. I was impressed by her large bush though, I hope I have the same don’t give a fuck attitude as I get older.

AGoingConcern · 09/10/2024 08:33

I'm not sure I understand your compulsion to maintain eye contact, OP.

Comfort with nudity differs wildly from culture to culture, person to person, and situation to situation so neither of you are wrong. But by maintaining eye contact through a conversation you're not signaling your discomfort with her nudity and are probably doing the opposite. Of course eye contact is polite in standard conversation, but then those manners can probably be adjusted if someone's standing there starkers, yeah?

In the pre-shower scenario you described I would have looked away (not in a dramatic way like she's offended you gravely, just don't maintain eye contact) and said "oh sorry, I didn't mean to stop you getting in the shower. We can figure it out after or talk through the door."

Disturbia81 · 09/10/2024 10:07

Never seen anyone naked in changing rooms either

Namechangetotalkaboutmysleepingpillsproblem · 09/10/2024 12:12

I feel awkward seeing my friends naked too.

jeaux90 · 09/10/2024 12:19

Other women's bodies don't bother me. What I really don't want is seeing naked men or males seeing me.

Seeing my female friends naked if we are at a spa or something changing is fine.

goodluckbinbin · 09/10/2024 12:20

mardirousse · 08/10/2024 22:58

I genuinely don't know why you mention her size

Presumably because she's fat and no-one wants to see fat people naked? Is that correct OP??

sweetpickle2 · 09/10/2024 12:26

Moveoverdarlin · 09/10/2024 00:10

Because if she had the body of a Barbie doll (thin, tanned, big boobs, long legs, toned tummy) you could perhaps understand why she was so immensely proud of it’s naked form.

Size 22 is big. Some overweight people, I’d go as far to say most feel self conscious about their body. That’s it. If you can’t genuinely see why the OP mentioned that, you’re delusional.

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Deeply weird comment.

OP, I couldn't imagine getting worked out about seeing a friend's naked body- we all have them!- but she shouldn't do it if it makes you uncomfortable.

OhMyGodAChicken · 09/10/2024 12:31

It's not something my friends do, but I don't think it would bother me really. I freely chat to my daughter (10yo) while naked - I know that's different, but I want her to see that 1) bodies are normal and 2) it's OK to have lumps and bumps.

I'm sure your friend wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable - perhaps turn away in future if you're really bothered by it? YANBU but I don't think she is either, just different x

Disturbia81 · 09/10/2024 12:39

I agree @sweetpickle2 that it's a really weird comment.
@Moveoverdarlin are you a man?

Crunchymum · 09/10/2024 12:41

She's a size 22 so everything is very "out there" I don't think her being smaller would make me feel differently but it's definitely a lot harder to try and ignore her gigantic boobs

So you're fat shaming your friend?

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