To feel rubbish about this - breastfeeding groups

[Fiftycents]

I go to a local mother and baby group, it’s very casual and usually friendly. Made quite a few friends there.

Before the mother and baby group there is a breastfeeding group, there is a 30 min gap between the two but some mums stay on for the baby group.

Went to baby group as normal yesterday and about halfway through a lady stood up and announced some ‘good news’ and proceeded to hand out certificates for some breastfeeding mums, for 6 weeks and 3 months breastfeeding. We were then all asked to give them a round of applause for all they had achieved.

AIBU to think this is a insensitive to those that wanted to breastfeed but couldn’t? I tried for weeks to bf dd, we saw multiple lactation consultants, had tongue tie cut tried nipple shields etc but as she spent time in SCBU after she was born and was tiny she had always had formula and I ended up switching as she wouldn’t latch at all. I stopped expressing after 2 months as my own mental health was suffering.

YANBU - it was insensitive and they could have just waited for the next week to give out certificates
YABU - get over it

I am an extended breastfeeding mum and fundamentally do think that we should be able to say that breast is the highest form of nutrition for babies, and that formula is also very good but second best.

However, handing out little certificates is a really awful thing to do and I would cringe as I know how hard some of my friends tried to feed their babies.

It’s a bit like celebrating your three pushes and done birth to a mum as something you’d “trained for” to someone who also did hypnobirthing prep but needed all the interventions. It’s not always in your control and sadly some people can’t read the room.

I say yabu get over it. DS had severe tongue tie and I felt like I was breastfeeding a crocodile until it was snipped at 12 weeks - my nipples were shredded but I still continued. If I could get a certificate for that I’d have been over the moon.

It’s no more or less insensitive than people asking new mums when you’re ttc a second even when you know they had ivf. Or cliquing off into groups.

All must have prizes.

Or none must have prizes.

I agree breast fed is probably best however dd would literally have starved if I kept trying doing this hence why she also had formula. My supply was not enough to sustain her even though I expressed for 2 months. That’s not what the argument is about.

Nobody with an age in double figures needs a public ceremony and a certificate for doing something that is very ordinary, though by no means universal.

In the UK most mums don’t even try to breastfeed. The people who try and fail are rarer than hen’s teeth - we just think there are more of them as they’re more likely to create threads like this. Similarly women who are infertile like me are rarer than women who aren’t but we’re more likely to seek support and so are ‘louder’.

It’s no more or less insensitive than people asking new mums when you’re ttc a second even when you know they had ivf. Or cliquing off into groups.

And it would also be bizarre to give attendees at a baby group certificates and require a round of applause for doing any of those.

I voted yabu because it's just such a meaningless thing rather than me judging your feelings. It isn't actually worth the paper it's written on.

Yes insensitive...not being able to bf DD1 was a big factor in my pnd and I would have found this quite upsetting. Will you feedback to the group leader?

NCT leaders often say ‘well done’ to women on their second / third / fourth birth or those who didn’t get assists / pain relief. If I got offended by that then I would have driven myself crazy. The thing is someone always has a better parenting experience than you - that doesn’t mean it can’t be celebrated for fear of offence.

YABU I think it’s nice and it wouldn’t bother me.

theres enough rain in the world to complain about a little sun

I don't think I could get wound up about this. It's a bit cringe'y and maybe a bit insensitive but I wouldn't actually care

IME breastfeeding club is for mothers who struggle with feeding and need support. Why shouldn’t they have their struggles recognised and their efforts (pain, suffering, blood sweat and tears) celebrated in front of others?

A decade on I still remember the resentment I felt when a HCA at the childrens centre I went to made a big thing of apologising in advance that a weaning video she was about to show include - shock - images of breastfeeding. Like the mere existence of breastfeeding should never be spoken of. As one of the very, very few mums who breastfed in the area, I was definitely made to feel uncomfortable and as though I was causing “problems” for the bottle-feeding mums. Your attitude feeds into that kind of thing. Breastfeeding shouldn’t be a shameful secret!

@dontbenastyhaveapasty it wasn’t at breastfeeding club, it was in a regular mother and baby group that they handed these out.

Breastfeeding groups can be ruthless though. I remember one poor woman who had tried so hard but still couldn't manage to breastfeed successfully and all I wanted to say was "Just try a bottle" but I probably would have been asked to leave if so. The online breastfeeding facebook groups could be insane too, seeing bottle-feeding as akin to sucking on poison. Absolutely no help for anyone who wanted to combi feed. The all or nothing approach is not helpful to new mums.

There are long term and population studies.
It effects women’s health as well as babies.

But I wouldn’t give out certificates myself.

I agree it was insensitive. Some folk try hard to breastfeed and it just doesn't work out.

Yes, I know, but that was my point - why should there be an assumption that breastfeeding can only be mentioned / acceptable during breastfeeding club and at no other times?

I don't think it's insensitive exactly, but it's weird af to give out certificates for breast feeding. I breastfed my children but would be cringing if someone gave me a certificate for it. 😬

This isn't comparable. Because not only are there no certificates nor expected rounds of applause from the group for the unmedicated births, but you're not trying to pretend any NCT class give out prizes for going off in cliques.

It's cringey as fuck, and the comparisons people keep making all fail because they're not things that random participants attending completely different groups are roped into.

Weird to do it in the baby group and weird to have certificates at all, surely that wouldn't be encouraging to the people who are struggling to BF or have to supplement their supply. But many people can't breastfeed for reasons outside of their control, they are not worse mothers for it. So I wouldn't let it bother me and I would know I tried my best for my baby, not a certificate

I think NCT 'leaders' just run short antenatal courses for first time parents so I'm not sure when they'd be doing this.

Why wouldn't celebrating breastfeeding be encouraging to people who are struggling or supplementing?

I was asked to bf my baby in a corner at a baby group 4 years ago because me feeding my child would "trigger" the rest of the group 🙄

That being said, I think handing out certificates for breastfeeding is very cringey. I appreciate they may have their struggles and the organiser probably had nice intentions, wanting to give them a boost or something. But it should have been done in the actual breast feeding group - waiting till next week wouldn't have hurt.

@Fiftycents if I were you, I wouldn't dwell on this too much. I agree it was tactless but I really don't think it's worth making a big thing of.

YANBU. Mutual support and encouragement is all very well but ultimately how women feed their children is a personal decision and not suitable for public awards/certificates imo.