Not allowing heavily pregnant woman to use a loo

[pelvicfloorisnomore]

I’m imminently due my third baby and have a massive bump. Popped to the local coop post school run and as I was checking out was desperate for the loo. My pelvic floor is pretty shot from previous 2 kids, the baby had dropped during the school run walk so I was feeling like I could not wait. The store was empty bar a couple of pensioners. I asked if I could use the staff loo as desperate, there are no other loos nearby and I was unlikely to make it the half a mile home in time. The member of staff said no against policy and I soiled myself before I even made it the front door of the shop. Completely humiliating and had to walk home like that and could have been avoided if a little kindness shown.

AIBU to expect some flexibility in branch policy to accommodate for those in need? It hardly fits with the coop key value of caring for others.

@Offtheroof

protecting their jobs is more important that showing basic compassion and human decency towards a heavily pregnant woman.

Are you going to provide financial support to people who lose their job because they didn't follow the store rules.
If not then where is your compassion and human decency?

YABVU Your pregnancy doesn’t change store policies or insurance requirements.

I think we all ought to form a women’s alliance and stand in our towns and raise money for public lavatories and an employee to look after them!

Why should public lavatories not be at the top of the spending agenda when we all have bladders and bowels and it’s a fundamental right to be able to relieve oneself with dignity. And women can do this far less easily than men.

It’s not a glamorous cause but it is a necessary one and it’s a cause that young men aged 28 to 45 in councils who are forming public policy don’t care enough about for the obvious reasons that they don’t have to endure the indignities of pregnancy, they don’t look after little dc as much as women and it’s often women who are caring for elderly relatives as well as some elderly men.

I’m really sorry you’re not getting more support on this - it really varies country to country - I’ve asked when I was pregnant, small kids just starting to use toilet and found some places are just much more family friendly than others.

Why would a shop take out a restrictive insurance policy that states that only people on the payroll are covered for accidents? Also, people aren't saying it's "entirely possible" that is due to insurance. They are saying that it is due to insurance as if they have read all shop insurance policies and that's what they state.

Most councillors are actually quite elderly - sadly, cutbacks mean loos are expensive to maintain (too many people fouling them or shooting up) so they get closed. OP - there is an app called Flush that lets you know where your nearest public loo is. Might not be of use so much in the sticks but if you go into a town maybe

I have both (part of the same insurance policy) and they don't distinguish between areas. In fact, it's personal to the business, not the premises as covers incidents outside of business premises.

Yes it's incredibly unfair to put someone in that position imo

I really feel for you OP - I hope you are ok now. Like others have said it’s an insurance issue but in all honestly I’ve let plenty of people use staff toilets where I work as I use my common sense and kindness. I’d rather get in trouble that have someone pregnant / disabled feel humiliated and have an accident .

some people have given you a hard time probably the same ones who think we should let workmen or delivery drivers pop into our homes to have a stinky leisurely poo

Why would a shop take out a restrictive insurance policy that states that only people on the payroll are covered for accidents?

They wouldn't, they'd have one saying that members of the public are only covered for accidents if they're in public access areas.

@rainbowunicorn

I’m not claiming that it’s
against the law. I am stating that the coop have set out clear aims about their moral stance and the kind of changes they want to see in society.

There 10 core values that they abide by are:

1. Caring for other people
2. Democracy
3. Equity
4. Equality
5. Honesty
6. Openness
7. Self Help
8. Self Responsobility

10. Social Responsibility

I don’t think that my experience as a customer fits in with that. If they want to make these big claims then they should allow flexibility in their policies to allow a society where you can be “caring for other people”

I'm sorry OP, I can imagine the humiliation and the knowledge that you could have been spared it with a little human compassion.

However I can also see that businesses do have to have rules and policies in place and the staff member you are talking to at the time is probably not going to be able to use their discretion for fear of getting into trouble. And in that situation you don't have time to try and find a staff member who could.

More public toilets are the answer. And a gentler, kinder society where we can treat one another with compassion and trust. Neither are quick or easy fixes though.
Tena pants for the rest of pregnancy and being kind to yourself - any reasonable person witnessing it would have felt compassion for you. And likely have either been in or close to being in a similar situation.

Worth seeing a gynae physio after you've had this baby to help strengthen things up for the future.

Those who think the staff member should have let the op use the loo can I ask - if doing so meant losing their job (which it could, depending on the company) you think that staff member should have accepted being fired and having no income as a price worth paying? That they should prioritise the op over paying their bills and feeding their family? That's genuinely how you feel?

It must have been embarrassing for you but unfortunately that is the reality of being pregnant. The Co-op aren’t going to let you go in their staff area because if you start trying to steal stuff they then have to manhandle a pregnant woman out, and that will look worse on the front page of the local paper than wouldn’t let someone use staff loos. It’s not the Co-ops fault you don’t have a car or that you had to do the school run or that the baby moved.

Humanity would literally end without women being pregnant and having babies; it’s not an optional extra!

Store policies and insurance policies should reflect that.

There should be some public acknowledgment in the form of private and civic facilities that women having babies allows economies to function and countries to thrive.

Look at any struggling community and it is one where the birth rate has fallen dramatically.

The law is an ass sometimes it really is! Society has forgotten what is important.

I work in retail, we do on occasion let customers use our loos. But one of us has to escort them and wait outside the toilet door and escort them back.
When a delivery has come in, it's no.
When it'd leave one person alone on the shop floor, it's a no.

Use some Attends.

Sorry but you’re not the only woman that’s been there. Would you expect a random homeowner to open up and let you in to use the bathroom?

You can't be flexible with policies. That's why they have policies. Same with any other industry.

I'm disabled (use a wheelchair) and have IBS.

It's very rare these days that shops etc will let you use staff loos.

Tena pads are the way to go.

There are many people with problems with continence and this website can be useful.

www.toiletmap.org.uk

Why are we all so accepting and passive?

It doesn’t have to be the “reality of being pregnant” if the law insisted on the provision of decent facilities.

I agree, that there should be more flexibility, and it is most often women who lose out with these strict policies, but the OP seems to think the staff should have been flexible in her situation right now, when they could have gotten into a lot of trouble for doing so. So, absolutely we should campaign to change things, in the future, but I don't think the staff can be accused of not caring or having no morals because they don't want to lose their jobs based on how things stand right now!

So are you going to complain to the Co op then?

No I don’t think shops should let customers use the staff toilet, as PPs said, it’s an insurance thing. It’s worth asking but not to get angry at them saying no.

You should have preempted that you may need the loo before getting home and either - gone home after school run and back out, or asked at the school to use theirs.

YABU it’s not all about you. You aren’t staff and it’s not a public toilet. I say this as someone who has been pregnant with twins, who ended up with a combined weight of 12 pounds plus 2 plus placentas and 2 sacs. I clearly needed the toilet a fair amount of the time

Of course staff should be free to do what is right and humane. What a passive lot you are! See an injustice? Challenge an injustice!