Not allowing heavily pregnant woman to use a loo

[pelvicfloorisnomore]

I’m imminently due my third baby and have a massive bump. Popped to the local coop post school run and as I was checking out was desperate for the loo. My pelvic floor is pretty shot from previous 2 kids, the baby had dropped during the school run walk so I was feeling like I could not wait. The store was empty bar a couple of pensioners. I asked if I could use the staff loo as desperate, there are no other loos nearby and I was unlikely to make it the half a mile home in time. The member of staff said no against policy and I soiled myself before I even made it the front door of the shop. Completely humiliating and had to walk home like that and could have been avoided if a little kindness shown.

AIBU to expect some flexibility in branch policy to accommodate for those in need? It hardly fits with the coop key value of caring for others.

Has anyone saying insurance actually seen an insurance policy limiting liability in certain area to staff? Often fire escapes are through back doors, so I highly doubt it. I reckon in many places it is done just so they stay nice for staff, or so that they don't need cleaning for customers. So yes, I think it's completely unreasonable.

I feel for you. I used to poo myself for a long time after having ds. I think often you just need to plan around it - keep spare pants / clothes & only go to supermarkets that have publically toilets. Vote with your feet.

Yes @WomenInConstruction I agree with you the world is a very hard place now. It’s as if all humanity towards others is disappearing rapidly and being replaced by rules and regulations. I do have the utmost sympathy for the shop staff as well as the OP. They have to deal with some horrible customers (obviously not the OP) and probably their difficult bosses as well. An awful state of affairs. More properly funded and maintained public toilets are needed but that’s not going to happen I fear. I remember wetting myself trying to lift the garage door when heavily pregnant not a pleasant experience but at least I was able to get into the house quickly.

If you read my post again then you will see that my problem is not with the individual staff member. I understand why she said no and I understand why they have a policy in place. She was young (maybe early twenties). I asked politely as I was checking out and explained I was desperate/pregnant. When she said no I did not push back, I tried to leave.

What I stated was that coop has some grandiose statements on their website with their number one value caring for others. Quickly followed by social responsibility and equality etc etc. My statement was that their should be some flexibility in those policies. I don’t think what happened to me in their store this morning fits with their key values.

This is so sad we live in a society like this. Where insurance tops everything.

I've worked in a lot of shops. Obviously, it's not practical to keep letting members of the public into the back. You need to follow them and make sure nothing's stolen for a start. However, few people ask and if it's for a medical need I used to let them.

It's nothing to do with insurance. People are making that up.

@pelvicfloorisnomore I have sympathy for you, as I've been heavily pregnant before and needed a wee desperately. (And also needed it desperately whilst not pregnant!) But there's no way that random people can expect to let businesses and companies let them into their private and secure employee quarters. And that includes the toilet.

My friend works in a reception area of a particular well known place, that's open quite late into the evening and night time. It has no public toilets. She has lost count of the times somebody pops in, (sometimes drunk,) at 10 and 11 at night saying 'I need to use the loo.' When she says there isn't a public one, they demand to use the employee one. She refuses. Every time.

She's had to actually get the police out to some people who were threatening to stab or punch her if she doesn't let them use it. (As IF that is going to make her cave, and let them use the toilet FFS.)

No member of the public has got any right to use anybody's staff toilet - heavily pregnant or not. Go behind a bush. I have done before now!

You'd be better off trying to use the private loo of a small business than a staff one in a big chain. They would have more discretion. But in the big chains, you could sue them if you fell or hurt yourself in there, or at least they fear you might. So they just outright ban it.

Nothing to do with the law - nothing in the law says that retail outlets can't let people use their loos!

It's not insurance. There is no clause in insurance that states claims are excluded if members of the public go into staff areas I doubt you've read every insurance policy in the land, and many have special clauses appended to the main policy. As an example, in my job we have to do certain training and it has to be done by a certain date - required by insurers.

not a co-op, no. They can't have randomers, even pregnant ones roaming around in the staff areas... a pub, an office, even a restaurant would prob let you in but I get why they didn't.

It is in part, only staff are covered for accidents in the 'back' bit and usually on the condition that they've completed some sort of (usually useless) health and safety training. It's unlikely someone would fall down the stairs on the way to the toilet, trip over, break stuff or whatever but why should they take that risk? There are other reasons too.

The thing is, how can they be flexible if the insurance says no? It only takes one person slipping in the loo and deciding to sue and they're screwed. I'm sure most people would want to help you, but they just can't take the risk.

It is entirely possible that an insurance policy contains certain wording about maintaining staff areas as staff-only, and uses eg the example of allowing someone to use the loo. Why do people think that can't be the case?

It’s absolutely crap!

I’m sorry this happened to you.

Unfortunately, you could have gone in and tripped or something and they’d be in serious trouble.

I blame the people who try and make a claim out of every tiny thing.

I do think there needs to be a shift where people can’t sue a company over the smallest thing and then things like this wouldn’t be an issue.

It isn’t the workers fault but I would have been very upset if I were you too.

It is security and insurance as others have said. Many years ago working in a childrens clothing shop I got into trouble letting someone into a short corridor area so their daughter could try on a dress, it wasn't even the stock/staff room area.

I wore tena pads for the last couple of months of my second pregnancy after sneezing in Tesco.

It's not pregnancy discrimination. It is to do with insurance and security. A solicitor would laugh you out the door. It also has nothing to do with the staff having morals. Tbey are literally doing their job.

Public liability insurance doesn’t cover staff, employer’s liability insurance does that. Completely different policies

While i'm sorry for your embarrassment you said post school run ... presumably you would also have had to take your 2 children with you as well, so 2 (young?)children also in the back of the store/walking through a warehouse/up stairs/alone with a staff member while you were in the loo?

I think there was, or is a requiremt to provide customer toilets if you serve sit-in food/drinks (so if they have a cafe in store)...not necessarily for the public/non paying, but I imaging they would make an exception

Why are so many people being so mean to the OP?!

Goodness me, where's the kindness and sympathy, this poor woman just wet herself in public and had to parade through a small town with wet clothes, this would be mortifying!

I'm so sorry OP, I can't imagine how awful that was, I hope you are feeling ok today.

All the planning in the world can go wrong sometimes, sounds like she did plan as best she could, when heavily pregnant with your 3rd child planning timely wees so never to be caught out is not always possible, just like planning when you might go in to labour!

A friend of mine was in Aldi once and her little boy toddler needed a wee, she had a trolley full of shopping and a babe in arms and had to run outside to a bush in the car park. The manger had seen and came up to apologetically and said please don't feel you have to do that, please ask our staff and you can use our toilet in an emergency. I used a staff toilet at a mechanics once in a pregnancy emergency. There are kind people and businesses out there and rules can occasionally be broken, believe it or not.

No. I was on my own.

Regardless of your opinion on whether OP should've been able to use the loos there,

• This is a small shop she goes to regularly
• It's a one-off
• She obviously needed a wee, not to shoot up or smear shit all over the place
• She's clearly pregnant, and pregnant women are sometimes in desperate need of loos, as is well known

Why have you gone off on a rant about a different issue?

I feel for you, I really do. I've been pregnant four times and really struggled towards the end especially.

However, it's really not the stores fault. When I was a teenager I worked in a large well known store and we let a man use the staff loo. We had seen him in the store multiple times so thought it was OK. A member of staff had to escort him and it was upstairs. He 'fell' into some well stacked boxes (which as staff we somehow managed to avoid multiple times a day!) became abusive, threatening to sue the store and we had a health and safety inspection (which we passed, as thankfully we had cctv!). We also lost a significant amount of staff time while it was cleared up.

People like that are the problem, and unfortunately ruin it for everyone else.

What we should be campaigning for is more public toilets. We have recently been informed that all of the public toilets in our local area (a busy tourism area!) Are closing! Of course, it impacts women much more than men...

Does it make a difference if the insurance thing is a red herring?

Stores have sets of rules which their staff have to follow. Lots of stores have a "no members of the public through the back" rules for a myriad of reasons. Staff who break that rule lose their jobs.

You are talking nonsense. There very much is a distinction between staff and public areas. Staff will be covered as they are employed by the business and would have had appropriate training for things like fire escape procedures. Member of staff injuring themselves in their place of work is very different from member if public being in a non public area as far as insurance is concerned.