Not allowing heavily pregnant woman to use a loo

[pelvicfloorisnomore]

I’m imminently due my third baby and have a massive bump. Popped to the local coop post school run and as I was checking out was desperate for the loo. My pelvic floor is pretty shot from previous 2 kids, the baby had dropped during the school run walk so I was feeling like I could not wait. The store was empty bar a couple of pensioners. I asked if I could use the staff loo as desperate, there are no other loos nearby and I was unlikely to make it the half a mile home in time. The member of staff said no against policy and I soiled myself before I even made it the front door of the shop. Completely humiliating and had to walk home like that and could have been avoided if a little kindness shown.

AIBU to expect some flexibility in branch policy to accommodate for those in need? It hardly fits with the coop key value of caring for others.

It's unfortunate for you but they just don't allow it these days,

When I worked retail, I wasn't not allowed to "bend the rules", ever. I would have lost my job if found out. Sorry, but that's not a chance I was going to take, nor is it something I would expect from a shop staff as a customer.

So you wouldn't have had an issue with it if it had been a different company? Have you contacted the CEO yet?

https://www.co-operative.coop/about-us/shirine-khoury-haq

It's not the staff's fault, but awful for you OP, hope you're OK.

Well, for what it's worth I would have let you use the staff toilet regardless of any rules.

No they don't have special insurance. If anything the drugs in the dispensary and back mean they have to be more careful not less careful than other shops to supervise people who are not in the main shop area.

It's not the store's fault but silly to tell the OP to "plan better" in this situation.

So you think that senior management should be forcing staff to accompany customers to the staff toilets on request? That would be an incredibly stupid policy. What happens when that 'customer' pulls a knife and demands access to the safe? Or a male staff member is accused of sexual assault? Maybe you haven't read all the replies (I know there are a lot) but others have pointed out that not only is there a health and safety risk to you, but there is a security risk to staff. I'm sorry you were caught short, but it is absolutely not OK to put other people at risk because you are upset about that.

The lack of decent facilities for the public in some places drives me mad 😠.
I am older and a mum of 3 adult daughters
One has disabilities and sometimes doesn’t recognise the need to go till absolutely the last minute ( interoception) and we try to manage this as best we can .
Another daughter so needs to be able to get her little one to a loo quickly now and other daughter has IBD .
The of times I’ve raced into a cafe and ordered a takeaway drink just to use their loo is ridiculous.
The nearest Tesco ( medium size )closed its public loos because of vandalism 😩
Where we live is a very small town with no public loos but we have gone into a particular community cafe / store to use their loos .

Do that at the place I work and the op would have likely ended up injured. The toilets are at the far end of the warehouse and it's chaos. We have to know what we are doing and be alert at all times, 9am on a morning while stock is still sat on pallets is crazy. I'm not even sure a heavily pregnant woman would fit through the gaps. I know I can't always

Nothing but sympathy from me OP. My very elderly late gran was on diuretics for her heart and more than once we had to ask for 'help' as you did. I am so sorry about what happened to you.

It wasn’t on the ground floor, and it’s a trek to get up there, so the lady wasn’t just passing by the store and seeing a toilet inside on the ground floor and taking advantage. If she was on the street there would be closer toilets elsewhere. They were right near the toilets so the staff member could have opened the door for her. I was with my DM and she was also shocked by it; the staff member was not even apologetic. I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have lost her job over showing compassion for a lady clearly in need.

You'd hope not, but having worked retail as a student, I can tell you that a lot of managers are petty tyrants who would absolutely fire staff for this kind of thing! That's why I'll never blame the staff for saying no.

It does seem particularly harsh in this case, but you just don't know what management are like or how worried the employee might have been about her job!

Its not the staff's fault, you really can't expect people in service positions to bend the rule for you. They can't. They could be fired. There are usually legal and insurance reasons. My friend was telling me about the stress she had on a summer job at an amusement park, on a children's ride. Every single day there would be parents expecting her to bend the rules for some reason specific to their child who was slightly over the height limit, and either incredibly disappointed or outright enraged that she could "be a bit flexible" or "show some understanding" in that particular case. Its because the rides are insured and safety certified for riders up to a certain height only. 1) Your child's safety would not be guaranteed 2) It's literally illegal and absolutely a sackable offence.

Absolutely this.

And I'm sure those saying 'but it's a rule not to...' will know about all the reasons not to show a regular customer the way to the staff loo.... But have a little think about why it would have been the right call.

There are lot of people, who suffer from incontinence, out shopping. Shops can’t keep bending rules. As others have suggested, perhaps use incontinence pads for the last few weeks.

There should be more public loos though.

You said yourself how you could have planned better.

Don’t pick up milk on the way home, particularly if the baby has dropped.

Yes! Thank you.

So awful with the lack of public toilets. Our council made the two supermarkets put in toilets as part of their planning permission.

Where I live all supermarkets are public toilets. It´s odd that a large store such as Coop doesn´t have at least one available to the public.
I would be challenging store policy. It´s crap.

Apparently Co-Op accepts "Can't wait" cards, so if you'd have had one of those presumably they would have let you?

is it a large Co-OP though? My local Co-Op is really small, more of a corner shop size really. They wouldn't have room for toilets or anything.

Why are several posters going on about bladder control and Tena Lady? If I understand the OP’s posts correctly, this is irrelevant.

Many years ago, when I was a student I worked in 2 Oxford Street stores. Neither had public toilets but it was an unwritten rule to let certain customers e.g. pregnant women and small children use the loo. Of course it was a hassle because you had to leave the sales floor to accompany them.

I imagine the real reason is nothing to do with ‘insurance’ and all to do with having pared staffing down to the bone.

My final post as I need to go back out on the school run & then probably going to delete the mumsnet app.

To answer a few questions. No, I don’t consider myself disabled because I’m pregnant. I do however know a number of women who have had conditions that have disabled them during their pregnancy so for some women pregnancy is a disability.

For those who say that I should have prepared better, to answer your questions (again)?

Yes, I did go for a wee before I left. Yes, I was wearing a pad. I was not wearing an adult nappy, tena because I didn’t think Inneeded to but I guess I might need to now.

My husband and I share a car. He needs it for his work. We have ordered a second car but it hasn’t arrived yet. I don’t expect him to not work because I’m in my final days of pregnancy. We do a big shop on the weekend during the week I pick up small bits from the local coop on my way home. Normally works for us, but I guess not today.

I drop my son off at school, my daughter at nursery and then I have half a mile walk home. There are no bushes in the town. I did not need the loo when I entered the coop but as I was going to check out baby dropped and head engaged hence the sudden urgency.

I will not be showing my face in that coop, funnily enough.

I have not expressed any anger towards the individual shop assistant; just a sadness at what our society has become.

Thank you to the few understanding and kind worded posters on here. Your words meant a lot.

I will take the mumsnet verdict that I was the unreasonable one. I should have planned better, I should have not been there and I certainly should not have asked for or expected help in a moment of need. I have been told.

I’ve certainly a little bit of faith in humanity and the kindness of the general population today.