Not allowing heavily pregnant woman to use a loo

[pelvicfloorisnomore]

I’m imminently due my third baby and have a massive bump. Popped to the local coop post school run and as I was checking out was desperate for the loo. My pelvic floor is pretty shot from previous 2 kids, the baby had dropped during the school run walk so I was feeling like I could not wait. The store was empty bar a couple of pensioners. I asked if I could use the staff loo as desperate, there are no other loos nearby and I was unlikely to make it the half a mile home in time. The member of staff said no against policy and I soiled myself before I even made it the front door of the shop. Completely humiliating and had to walk home like that and could have been avoided if a little kindness shown.

AIBU to expect some flexibility in branch policy to accommodate for those in need? It hardly fits with the coop key value of caring for others.

This.

I'm amazed by the lack of humanity here and inability to question why society appears to be putting the (financial/legal) needs of business and insurance companies over the physical needs of a heavily pregnant woman.

Maybe, as a major retailer, the onus should be on the store to provide a toilet for customers in need? Or maybe more pressure could be put on LAs to provide more public toilets? Or maybe employers could be more compassionate and not automatically fire an otherwise good employee because they helped a woman in need? Or maybe the policy isn't good enough and needs to be re-worded? (This happens to policies a lot - they're not exactly holy scriptures).

I was told 'no' in a pub... that it was for customers only.

I have never been back in that pub and it's changed hands multiple times!

Sorry this happened to you. I promise no one noticed your wet pants (the joy of being invisible over the age of 30).

A chemist might have different insurance. The way to the toilet might not involve going through the area with controlled drugs (and if it did involve it then there's no way randoms would be allowed through it). They don't tend to have huge, heavy boxes of stock and potentially even machinery out back....

And, lone working is partly an insurance issue...

I’m sorry this happened to you :(

One of the reasons pregnancy is utter shit, for the last 2 months of my pregnancy I had to wear those adult nappies as I couldn’t go out for more than half an hour without wetting myself :(

@chungking

Yes, exactly, they haven’t specified.

I bring you back to my original post. My experiences in store do not reflect their core value to care for others.

If that is not a value which is reflected in their company culture then it should either be removed or they should be more specific.

There's also a difference between "customer toilets are for customers only" which stem from a store policy to deter antisocial behaviour and to encourage spending and "customers cannot access back areas to use staff toilets" which will come from insurance policies aimed at protecting both staff and customers....

See, I do kind of agree with this, but then you come up with lots of other issues, such as many stores not having the space for customer toilets or the insurance being more expensive, which means the cost of products might well go up, which isn't exactly great for people on low incomes, and many LAs simply do not have enough money to go around as it is.

Even making the policy discretionary can be problematic as you could end up with people who have hidden disabilities or who look just looks bit dodgy being refused access while the nice respectable-looking pregnant lady gets to use the toilet (and if she slips and sues, well that's bad news).

So, it's not really a lack of humanity for the most part, but more that you need to balance a lot of different factors and being kind to one set of people can be unkind to another.

Because some people are arseholes and would use the excuse of being pregnant to get into the staff area and steal things/cause damage. It’s a supermarket, probably a small one if it’s a Co-op, it’s not a public toilet.

It's not the world you live in, it's the country.
You have a problem with capitalism, enterprice and business that requires insurances because that industry is a big money maker then move somewhere else.
No point in 'seriously-ing' me!

You need to stop trying to make out they are lairs because they didn't let you use a toilet and therefore they don't care for others. Co-Op has extensive community action work which meets this aim. Not letting you potentially get hurt or rob the place isn't them not caring ...
They could argue that it IS them caring, if anything, because it's them protecting you from harm which wouldn't be covered under insurance

But then they'd have to have a multi-page dossier laying out every single value they do or do not hold and that would be ridiculous.

I genuinely do feel for you, and I do think something needs to change around public access to toilets though!

I used to work for Co-op, not in the shops and honestly this was so common, people trying to get us to do things we didn’t offer because “you’re Co-op, you’re supposed to care blah blah blah” - we actually had to stop offering one product because it was so common for people to try and get us to do extra work without them paying for it. Caring doesn’t mean just doing whatever it is you want.

It's not hard to work out with basic logic skills, is it? If she'd had a car she would have been home sooner or, at the very least, not have to walk home visibly covered in urine.

@pelvicfloorisnomore

Should they let homeless people take a nap on the floor? And feed them? And let them use the loo and shower? Why not, if caring is a core value?

I still think there is a massive lack of creative thinking - yes, the individual options I listed off the top of my head all have pitfalls, but surely situations like this should be triggers for us to think is this really the kind of society we want to be or could we tweak things?

Insurance companies and fear of litigation haven't always wielded so much power over people and I'm not sure why this can't be challenged.

I agree, we do need to find more solutions to the public toilet situation, as I've said. I just don't think it's fair to be annoyed at shop staff because those solutions have not been put into place yet.

I have bowel and bladder incontinence.
I have a card l carry that says " just can't wait".
I've never ever been refused to use any stores toilets if they don't have a public one .
It's nothing to do with insurance.. because they accompy you and wait for you.
Might be too late now..but perhaps apply for a card.

https://www.bladderandbowel.org/help-information/just-cant-wait-card/

The fact you didn't make it out of coop means you wouldn't of made it to the staff toilet anyway and probably pissed in the staff room, warehouse or on the stairs. The staff toilets would of been a lot further then the entrance/exit

Twice actually. We see the same threads on here like pregnancy is a disability. Those saying they should be allowed to park in disabled spots or use the spaces on public transport, it's odd.

I'm not saying those things don't exist, I'm saying OP hasn't mentioned a disability therefore most people would walk home and use the loo rather then go and buy milk and have an accident. I'm on water tablets and been pregnant and have never managed to have an accident and if I did, I wouldn't be blaming the Coop.

seriously, they couldnt let a heavily pregnant and desperate woman use the loo? the member of staff could have escorted her, nothing bad would happen. bending the rules every so often with discretion is not going to cause big issues. there is a lack of humanity in the staff's response

It sounds like you've just been lucky and come across employees who are willing or able to bend the rules.

I'm sorry, that must of been horrible for you. Maybe use a tena for the last part of your pregnancy.

I think you need a policeman's hat not blaming the Coop. 😉

Absolutely. I have let people carrying those cards use the toilet and small children/pregnant women too. They are accompanied. It has nothing to do with insurance.

As you may have guessed I was talking more generally about allowing consumerism to thrive unfettered to the extent that pregnant women, elderly people,l and those with disabilities are discriminated against, and to the extent that it shapes our very infrastructure and town planning and the way society is structured. We have allowed this to happen!