Aibu to be so irritated by this boy

[Thirdusername]

I can't work out if this boy is rude or if I'm tired.

I have 2 dc - age 2 and 5. I'm a single parent who works full time but with one afternoon off a week which I spend looking after a neighbour's son. My neighbour looks after my eldest dc in return once a week.

The boy asks for things a lot of the time which i find quite demanding but not sure if im being unfair.

For eg:

Him: What's for dinner?
Me: chicken and rice (I know he likes this / eats this)
Him: can I have something else instead?
Me: you can have some bread/ fruit but that's what we've got for dinner
Him: thats a shame. Can't you make fish fingers instead please?
Me: no not tonight, maybe next time
Him: can I have the spiderman plate pls?
Me: yes
Him: can I have that paw patrol cup please
Him: actually can I have that plate instead
Me: yep
Him: can you put on some music?
Me: yep (puts music on)
Him: Is there any more food?
Me: yep extra rice but no more chicken
Him: I wish I could have extra chicken. Do you think your dc will eat all theirs? I wish I had theirs
Me: there's lots of other food you can have
Him: no, I only want chicken. What's for dessert?
Me: yoghurt
Him: can we have those biscuits instead / can I go in the garden / can you get that toy down from the shelf / can I do painting/ can I have an ice cream / can I borrow some clothes and get changed / can you fold 10 bits of paper up / can you get some scissors

Etc etc.

I've usually got a lot of tolerance for kids. So I don't know why this gets to me so much! He sometimes says please and thank you, sometimes not.

Ps should add I hope he has no idea / think I do a good job of hiding it

Yabu: he's a kid and you're being unfair on him

Yanbu: he Sounds a bit entitled/ demanding

He's not being rude but the endless stream of questions is annoying!!! not much advice to give but lots of empathy! my 7-year-old is an endless narration of stuff he's seen, things he wants etc while my 3 year old is in the "why?" phase - I have no nerves left for them to get on! 😂

I would also find this pretty annoying. He is clearly comfortable enough with you to ask all of that. Holding firm to the current plan will help (he'll soon realise you're not negotiating over options), but I'd also ask him some questions or try and engage in another way so it doesn't feel like he's constantly pestering and critiquing the situation.

Maybe he’s simply seeking interaction to try to orient himself in a different family.

Could he be trying to imagine what it’s like to live in your household rather than his own eg the wanting to borrow clothes to change into, (which is slightly odd.)

Children can be hyper-aware of the smallest of differences in the way another family does things. The way they cook and serve meals, different food combinations, where they sit, how things are arranged such as toys, clothes, furniture layout, garden layout, kitchen implements, fruit bowl, different smells, whether or not you have to ask to do things or just take things to play with, behavioural expectations, routines and little family rituals etc etc. The differences can be scary for some children but really fascinating for others especially if they aren’t used to being in different houses.

He sounds quite bright and sociable and curious which is good and I would maybe try to ask him a few questions too, or play with him a bit more, to draw him out, instead of letting him lead all the chat.

Tbh just say no you can't.
Everything is not to be discussed.

Where is the politeness in suggesting OP cooks him something different for dinner (more than once) and then when he has what she's already planned to cook and enjoys it, complains there isn't more and maybe he could have her children's portions too?
The only person I feel sorry for is OP who seems to have the patience of a saint!

Him: What's for dinner?
Me: chicken and rice (I know he likes this / eats this)
Him: can I have something else instead?
Me: you can have some bread/ fruit but that's what we've got for dinner // no (he can't- it's his dinner. It's not pick and choose and he likes the menu)
Him: thats a shame. Can't you make fish fingers instead please? // no
Me: no not tonight, maybe next time
Him: can I have the spiderman plate pls?
Me: yes
Him: can I have that paw patrol cup please
Him: actually can I have that plate instead
Me: yep
Him: can you put on some music?
Me: yep (puts music on) // no
Him: Is there any more food?
Me: yep extra rice but no more chicken // yes rice!
Him: I wish I could have extra chicken. Do you think your dc will eat all theirs? I wish I had theirs
Me: there's lots of other food you can have // no you can this x or x.
Him: no, I only want chicken. What's for dessert?
Me: yoghurt
Him: can we have those biscuits instead / can I go in the garden / can you get that toy down from the shelf / can I do painting/ can I have an ice cream / can I borrow some clothes and get changed / can you fold 10 bits of paper up / can you get some scissors // no
Etc etc.

Close the conversation and questions down instead of opening up more questions.
Make sure there are activities for him - books, toys, drawing things and engage him in that instead of all the questions. Does he play woth your children?
He can easily get used not to bother you about everything and which aren't going to change if you are upfront in your communication but a lot of 6 yo children are alike that age.

It pretty clear that service is higher at his house than mine. And he is used to it.

I’d find this annoying and had stock phrases for my kids to stop pestering .
“What does mummy mean when mummy says no?”
etc

Well, that’s what I meant. It’s fine at home, but a bit forward in someone else’s house.

No if course it's not normal. It could be neurodiversity - an extensive vocabulary and accurate grammar but strikingly lower level of genuine social and communication skills (i.e. he isn't sure how to make conversation or signal his presence and be acknowledged and this is the strategy he's developed).

It could also be that this is how his family talk to one another at home or that he started along this track and it was successful at home and nobody has modelled better social skills in a family context.

It's not normal or abnormal but he needs firm but gentle boundaries setting asap to support him in learning when to stop asking, which thoughts we keep in our heads (i.e. I want to be given my friend's portion of dinner as well as mine) and what it's rude to say even if you say it politely.

It sounds annoying but by 6 there's a lot you can do to head off some of the questions and they are all around consistency.

No special plates, just plain plates and cups.

Make the same meal and dessert. Ideally without options for seconds. Set up some games when he come round and start a routine. Games, play time woth your dc while you cook, tea and family game.