Aibu to be so irritated by this boy

[Thirdusername]

I can't work out if this boy is rude or if I'm tired.

I have 2 dc - age 2 and 5. I'm a single parent who works full time but with one afternoon off a week which I spend looking after a neighbour's son. My neighbour looks after my eldest dc in return once a week.

The boy asks for things a lot of the time which i find quite demanding but not sure if im being unfair.

For eg:

Him: What's for dinner?
Me: chicken and rice (I know he likes this / eats this)
Him: can I have something else instead?
Me: you can have some bread/ fruit but that's what we've got for dinner
Him: thats a shame. Can't you make fish fingers instead please?
Me: no not tonight, maybe next time
Him: can I have the spiderman plate pls?
Me: yes
Him: can I have that paw patrol cup please
Him: actually can I have that plate instead
Me: yep
Him: can you put on some music?
Me: yep (puts music on)
Him: Is there any more food?
Me: yep extra rice but no more chicken
Him: I wish I could have extra chicken. Do you think your dc will eat all theirs? I wish I had theirs
Me: there's lots of other food you can have
Him: no, I only want chicken. What's for dessert?
Me: yoghurt
Him: can we have those biscuits instead / can I go in the garden / can you get that toy down from the shelf / can I do painting/ can I have an ice cream / can I borrow some clothes and get changed / can you fold 10 bits of paper up / can you get some scissors

Etc etc.

I've usually got a lot of tolerance for kids. So I don't know why this gets to me so much! He sometimes says please and thank you, sometimes not.

Ps should add I hope he has no idea / think I do a good job of hiding it

Yabu: he's a kid and you're being unfair on him

Yanbu: he Sounds a bit entitled/ demanding

He sounds annoying. I don't think I've met a child that's not annoying though. They are built that way.

It's fine to tell him no. It's fine to say well that's enough questions now off you go and play.

It sounds like he takes “no” for an answer quite easily, so I wouldn’t call him entitled but he does sound pretty demanding. To me, he sounds like a child who doesn’t get the attention he wants and this is how he’s learnt to interact (and maybe get some of what he asks for some of the time).

I can see why it annoys you, it would drive me potty too, but I also think it’s within the broad spectrum of the normal range of 6 year old behaviour.

Sounds like my stepdaughter. She has ADHD. It is really annoying, but they can’t help it at that age, especially if they are ND. I deal with it by just engaging with her questions and being clear about boundaries/reminding about manners. If I find something rude (she often says what we are having for dinner is ‘disgusting’ though it’s now nearly always something she’s had and enjoyed before) I just say, ‘it’s fine to tell us if you don’t fancy something for dinner, but very rude to call food someone has prepared disgusting’ etc.

😂😂😂it’s actually good for kids to know when their behaviour is affecting others, and how. You don’t have to be mean, but you can let them know they are getting on your nerves!

She hasn't told the boy and he sounds quite irritating. You don't have to like everybody on the planet.

I find my nephew like this. When I was on holiday with him and he asked every two seconds for something and I just started saying no. I think it's okay to say no to children that make constant demands... it's like when making dinner for my own family, once everybody has a drink, their food and cutlery, I refuse to then get up because they ask 5 mins in for more carrots or something. They can wait especially if my dinner hasn't been touched!

Yes he sounds irritating. He also sounds like a typical six year old.

Get him and your DC playing Sleeping Lions or Who Can Be Quiet Longest next time he's over

I don't see how saying "I feel sorry for someone because of what you have done" is intended to do anything other than make someone feel bad for doing it?

Annoyingly perhaps, but you are his safe space, his second mum xxx

This. I have an 8 yr old similar as well. If he wasn’t my kid I’m sure I’d find it super irritating. Some kids are just a bit annoying I’m sure he’ll grow out of it he’s so young. Just bite your tongue and be grateful you’ve got a reciprocal childcare arrangement. As others have said - he’s obviously very comfortable with you so treat him like your own and don’t be afraid to push back and say no.

I bet you don't have kids

I'd find that annoying, tbh, especially the part where he's asked to take some your own children's portions of food before they've had a chance to eat!

Gently reminding him to say please and thank you might make his endless requests slightly less annoying, but even with the magic word I wouldn't feel like agreeing to absolutely everything in a constant flow of requests. Each question on its own might not be so bad, but a long series of one after the other could soon be wearying. Maybe more frequent answers in the negative could break him of this habit, particularly if you refocus his attention in another direction or give him something else to do.

Is it really that normal as everyone is saying? To ask for music to be put on with dinner and for a different dinner to be made and hint that maybe the other children could give up some of their chicken? I would find that a bit forward and annoying, but if he isn’t being outright rude would try and put up with it.

This can be typical for ND kids. That's what it reminds me of. The intent is in no way meant to be rude, instead many kids operate with complete honesty instead of following all of these societal rules such as being completely deferential to adults. ND or not, I love his confidence. He isn't sounding rude, he's just not adhering to the typical hierarchy and people notice this.

I do understand it can become very tiring or annoying though for you.

You could just really kindly say to him ' this is the choice, X or y and then just send him out to play. Off you pop now Timmy, got lots to do.

I don't think that would be mean.

Nope, I'm with you two. It's uncanny how like my 6 year old this is 😄

Maybe try and give him a job OP. If he has a thing about plates and cups maybe he could get the plates out for everyone, set the table and get some cups of water on the table for the kids. Might keep him quiet for 5 minutes.

I'd probably make whatever craft things he likes a bit more accessible so he can help himself and not have to bother me.

Also my son can suddenly eat A LOT. He always asks for more meat and fish. He is also a chancer, waiting on the sidelines like a vulture ready for his little brother's uneaten protein.

Exactly this. My son had a friend like this. Extremely intelligent, but also very manipulative, even from a very young age.
Unfortunately his mother was often around, so I had to humour him a bit more than I otherwise would have, and pretend to actually buy into what he was asking for, as she was a good friend of mine and I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

But when he was on his own with me, I would pretend I hadn't heard, or just jolly him along. eg when he says 'can i have something else', I would merrily trill ' no, that's all we've got today, and what a lovely lunch we've had' - now off we go to play' etc. Or when he says he wants their food, say 'well, you can just have a big dinner instead - now, let's play UNO' or whatever.

He is testing you and knows what he is doing. I bet he does it with his mother too, but she may not realise it.

YANBU - some kids are just annoying! Mine included a lot of the time.

Just to add, if you don't pander to it, and make it pretty clear you don't really care if he eats this or not but you won't make something else, he will soon stop.

No one's saying OP has to give in, and as PP said he does seem to accept a No. Mine can be a bit like this with us, all in a very whiny tone of course which isn't annoying at all... 🤯 She wouldn't do it with others but perhaps if she was in their house every week she might chance her arm.

We have a saying - never do anything fun. I'm betting OP put music on during dinner and now will be asked to do it again every. Damn. Time. Even if she says no.

Little kids can be annoying.

Yanbu, I also find kids like this really irritating. Maybe that makes me mean but it's true, especially when they verge on being rude (asking for someone else's food for example)

Sounds like you are dealing with it excellently. Saying yes and no in all the right places.

He is 6 years old. Normal 6 years old who really confident thats why he asking a lot. And he uses please. You are being unfair to him

occupy him
ask him questions..are youmjungtu,we do chicken rice,,i hope yu do clean plate,turn it around?

Yes I think this sounds pretty normal. My 6 year old is a lovely little lad who gives us no trouble at all, but he is still a small child and small children are fairly self centered and lack certain social graces.

My son would be a lot like this boy at home. He won't expect to get everything he wants, but he knows that sometimes you might say yes, so he asks! Maybe one day you will say yes to the fish fingers or the biscuit!

I'd probably be embarrassed to find he had been like this at someone else's house, and would have a talk to him about what is polite and what is not when you eat in someone else's home. My own son hasn't really spent many meal times outside of our house, and maybe this boy hasn't either and is just talking to OP as he would his own Mum.

Sounds like every child I have ever had to look after tbh.

well...i tried to say "are you hungry"but fuck it ..lets do this.ask him that?lmfao