Aibu to be so irritated by this boy

[Thirdusername]

I can't work out if this boy is rude or if I'm tired.

I have 2 dc - age 2 and 5. I'm a single parent who works full time but with one afternoon off a week which I spend looking after a neighbour's son. My neighbour looks after my eldest dc in return once a week.

The boy asks for things a lot of the time which i find quite demanding but not sure if im being unfair.

For eg:

Him: What's for dinner?
Me: chicken and rice (I know he likes this / eats this)
Him: can I have something else instead?
Me: you can have some bread/ fruit but that's what we've got for dinner
Him: thats a shame. Can't you make fish fingers instead please?
Me: no not tonight, maybe next time
Him: can I have the spiderman plate pls?
Me: yes
Him: can I have that paw patrol cup please
Him: actually can I have that plate instead
Me: yep
Him: can you put on some music?
Me: yep (puts music on)
Him: Is there any more food?
Me: yep extra rice but no more chicken
Him: I wish I could have extra chicken. Do you think your dc will eat all theirs? I wish I had theirs
Me: there's lots of other food you can have
Him: no, I only want chicken. What's for dessert?
Me: yoghurt
Him: can we have those biscuits instead / can I go in the garden / can you get that toy down from the shelf / can I do painting/ can I have an ice cream / can I borrow some clothes and get changed / can you fold 10 bits of paper up / can you get some scissors

Etc etc.

I've usually got a lot of tolerance for kids. So I don't know why this gets to me so much! He sometimes says please and thank you, sometimes not.

Ps should add I hope he has no idea / think I do a good job of hiding it

Yabu: he's a kid and you're being unfair on him

Yanbu: he Sounds a bit entitled/ demanding

Yes this would be irritating but I’m sure your 5 year old does something irritating as all children do.

Sone kids don’t speak up about what they want to eat, refuse food, eat at the pace of a snail, make a mess or have some other annoying eating habit.

Be grateful that his behaviour is just annoying rather than full on challenging 🤷🏽‍♀️

Sorry is this not normal? My child is like this and yes it is annoying but I never considered it abnormal or that I’d been indulging her / not holding boundaries or her being entitled. I thought all kids were like that, is that not the case?

He's old enough to understand that he's being annoying. But needs telling/reminding. You could turn it around and ask him some questions 😁

Telling a 6yr old kid he is annoying is emotional abuse, I would not stand for it.

I had a 4 year old boy staying with me like this. Exhausting. What was worse is when I said No he kept asking Why . Not a huge deal really but was always glad to see him go . I did comment to his mother that I felt I couldn't fulfill his needs . She told me that he was a chancer and to continue to say No when I wanted to .

It sounds like you are tired and his behaviour in your home is contributing.

It also sounds as though he mostly talks to you rather than your children?

I would probably make a couple of minor changes. Start by having the menu visible somewhere and just reminding him to look there after you've answered about the food once. Redirecting to the board/fridge whatever will help to avoid discussion. You can also pre-list activities to avoid conversation on which games are allowed.

And I'd also if you possibly can try to encourage him to socialise with your kids, or at least the elder one. Sounds like he's using up your social battery. Totally normal especially for an only child but he has 2 others to play with at your house.

That would do my head in. I would just announce to everyone "ok no more questions now, let's have some quiet time"

a different take, but could it be that he is trying to make conversation and doesn't really know how. he just wants to chat to you and thinks that a request is something to talk about.

next time he asks for a different plate, ask him to describe what he likes about the plate, or how he thinks plates are made, or how many plates he could stack on top of a bus or any other silly question that might get him to think. if you can get good at these open ended questions, he may just natter away and you only need to half-listen!

Sounds an awful lot like my 6 year old if I'm being honest 😁

OP, I understand it can get a little annoying but he does not sound too bad. Yes, he is testing but just firmly and politely respond back. Honestly, there are much more challenging 6 year olds out there and this behaviour would be more annoying if he was perhaps 10 but he's only 6.

He sounds...normal. He's not demanding things or throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his own way. He's just asking and then accepting your answer.

Sounds to me like he is just asking questions to chat, or he is a bit stream of consciousness and says whatever is in his head.

Sounds like a normal 6 year old to me, but he isn't your own flesh and blood so you aren't as used to his ways as you are with your own kids. So its more mentally taxing for you.

I'd go with a PP's suggestion of asking him (for example) about the plates so he stays on one topic for a while, and just let him natter on.

Do you think that the constant questions might be more to do with a need to interact with you, rather than really being to do with the food etc that he is asking for?
He is slightly older than your eldest and may have a kind of egotistical fantasy about his maturity which he feeds by having a continuing exchange with you and (in his mind) slightly sidelining/excluding your children.
I'm guessing he is quite articulate and has a lot of positive attention from his parents which he finds rewarding and validating, and which he is mildly addicted to?
I rember some of my children's friends behaving in this way (and I wouldn't be all that surprised if one of my own children did it to the parents of his friends).
Like you, I always found it irritating when other people's children behaved like this, though of course I kept that hidden from them .
What is his position among the children in his own home? Is he an eldest/only child?

Typical six year old.

I look after a child like this (age 4). I see it as he also feels very comfortable in our house but do also find it a bit much at times

Oh,he sounds very sweet,so long i don’t have to look after him!😂

He sounds confident, it's awful that as a society we do see this as annoying in children when it's exactly what they need to be. He uses his manners, he's just direct. Often kids that sit there saying nothing are seen in primary school as more polite, better behaved and nicer kids but then they get into teen and adult years and struggle.

He sounds comfortable in your house which is lovely. I'd also bet your neighbor will have a similar list of ways that your 6 year old is annoying.

One of my youngest child's friends is like this. He does have a sibling although the sibling is six years older. His mum is pleasant and polite but somewhat similar - when they were primary age she'd message me "X would like to play with [my son's name] and I need to go out, can I drop him 'round and pick him up tomorrow".

I initially thought there was something behind the scenes - I only knew her slightly. There wasn't though because when I finally started replying bluntly she responded without being offended and invited my son to hers on a different day.

I have trained the son over the years that at our house everyone eats the same dinner, we don't keep asking after a parent has said no (to staying overnight, taking over the living room to game when others are already using the room etc. etc.) They're teens now and still hang out at one anothers houses.

Shut the barrage down kindly but firmly if it's clearly asking for the sake of asking. Most children cope well with different houses having different rules/ parenting styles.

Christ this sounds like torture!

He should be entertained with her child's company not bothering her all night.

I love him and happy he feels so comfortable at mine.

He has two much older half brothers and lives with his mum and dad.

I also wonder as well that as a single parent of two my kids have to go along with things they don't like.

For eg they wouldn't ask me to cook them something else for dinner if they just didn't fancy it (But would moan about it).

My dc are probably more irritating than him!

But maybe it's that I find it harder to draw the line with him than I do my own.

Every thread on this site is about someone but no one feels the need to post that they feel sorry for the person the thread is about in an effort to make the OP feel guilty or mean which is how it came across.

As for not doing anything wrong I'd be mortified if my child was constantly asking an adult looking after her to keep cooking different things for her and being generally demanding it's rude!

He sounds pretty normal. Many of our kids friends are similar (& our two as well). It can be a tad annoying but equally it’s fab they feel comfortable at their friends homes and that they are articulate and confident.
Do you feel comfortable with him? Would you be happy to just say to both kids ‘guys we are having five minutes quiet now so I can hear myself think’ or to shut arguments down like ‘there are only options a & b. We are not having a debate about it guys’

There was no effort to make the op feel guilty or mean, that's on you, I just said what I felt!

Sounds an awful lot like my 6 year old if I'm being honest 😁

Glad I'm not the only one thinking that.

Yes it’s pestering and a bit entitled. The amount of posters who are saying you should endlessly indulge this because he’s a precious child who should be obeyed tells you all about why there is a teacher shortage and retention crisis in schools.

YANBU.

My 4 yo is exactly like this but only with those of my friends and family he trusts most. With him what helps is to keep up the conversation at dinner times about other things so he can’t dominate it.