To ask if you feel like you ‘fit in’

[Grainofsandy]

In my early 40s and I’ve never fitted in anywhere…
Not at school, university, with my family, at work. It’s really lonely.
Is that just how everyone feels - like they don’t fit in anywhere and life is a party they aren’t invited to?

No, never since childhood.
But, I learned to work with it, and other people around me are the last thing that would make me happy, so.... 😊

As I thought, most people say they don't fit in. It's the human condition, I think.

"Fitting in is never about trying to go along with what everyone else is doing, it's about being totally yourself (as much as possible) and seeking out people who are similar"

I also did this, I didn't feel like I fitted in anywhere until a couple of years ago I started a group targeting people who liked the same things as me and had similar lifestyles. Now my people come to me and I never believed it would happen or that they existed, but it turns out they do. Just got to find them.

Definitely. I feel really lucky that I've got a few good friends. But I find people exhausting and no one is 'like me'. I am always an outlier.
I hardly ever go out and sometimes feel like it's a bit sad. But I think that's about wishing I could be different /more sociable/enjoy that stuff more; rather than being sad about missing out on the actual reality of a social life iyswim!

I always feel like that. I have social anxiety which prevents me from really getting involved in any conversations with people I don’t know really well. It means I always feel like an outsider looking in. I only really feel like I fit in at home with my family.

I don’t think it’s necessarily a confidence or self esteem issue. I can remember from a very young age feeling like I was different to my peers and never quite fitting in, I always felt different, however, I didn’t worry about it or think there was something wrong with me.

It’s only as I got older that I absorbed societies obsession with everyone having to be an extrovert, brimming with confidence and must have x amount of friends to be ‘normal’ that I began to question it.

I’ve come full circle now and too old to care anymore and accept myself again for who I am.

Agree with LentilWeaver, don't most people feel this? And? So what? Most people tick along, feel happy and satisfied, have friends.

As a ‘foreigner’, although a citizen, I don’t think I fit in. But I am friendly and make an effort to compensate for this. It’s all I can do

No, but I’m autistic. Realising that made me feel a better about finding it hard to fit in- I’m not ‘failing,’ I’m literally just a bit different and that’s ok :)

I'm not autistic and I don't fit in.

I sometimes blame it on emigrating to the UK in my 20s but to be honest I never fit in in my home country either!

I've never really felt like i fit in either.

Autistic but didn't know it until late 40s and I really don't think it accounts for it all.

I think I've also just been unlucky. The most popular people I've seen in my life were the bullies at school who treated EVERYONE like dirt, yet somehow people just flocked round them. I don't understand that.

I don't really mind not fitting in, I just wish I didn't have to participate in things like work team building days where it's all made more obvious and I feel like I'm back at school waiting to not get picked for a team....

I don't tend to fit in in group situations be that work or socially. However, I make friends well on an individual level so I tend to find one or two people within that situation and then I'm friends with them and that makes the group interactions more bearable.

I fit in at work, in my running (and other sports clubs), choir and my social groups.

I never felt that I really fitted in with school parents (within the confines of the school environment) and with most of my kids' clubs (football aside, I made some good friends there). I often feel a bit out of my comfort zone with neighbour and village stuff.

I'm mid 50s and happy with my lot.

Yes, this.
I fit in where and when I wanted to fit in. There were some groups that clearly weren't going to be a good fit for me and I wasn't terribly bothered. I could pass the time there but it was a bit dull.

I would add, I was at a small event where a woman there was so sickly sweet it raised alarm bells for me. I grew to like her once she relaxed and was able to let that persona go. I have an uncomfortable sense this has been me in the past.

I never felt I fitted in because of my background which was different and chaotic. I was relentlessly bullied at Primary school by everyone in my class throughout my time there.

School wasn't much better but I wasn't as badly bullied, I had no friends though. I then went to sixth form college and had friends and also at university.

After university my friends drifted away and I've had friends over the years but no groups (which I don't like) and individual friends have come and gone.

My sense of not fitting in stems from my background because my classmates would be talking about nice things their family did and my parents were abusive, my home was very dysfunctional. I was going through a lot that no one knew about.

No, never. I'm in my late forties now though and, with every year that passes, I care less and less.

DD1 was diagnosed autistic aged 5. Parenting her has made me realise I probably am autistic too.

I have felt at times like I fitted in. But in all honesty the way I see the world is very much, me and then everyone else.
Obviously that's silly because everyone is an individual, but my mindset is very much I am different.
To be fair I am a bit odd, I get a little obsessive with thoughts and intensely interested in certain things, I am probably autistic and would one day like a diagnosis. But yeah, I think most people probably have self-doubt and insecurities, which go against you feeling like you fit in.

I have never fitted in. The worst thing is , is that I don't care either. Apart from people I can count on one hand, it wouldn't bother me if I never had another human interaction ever again. I am completely serious about this, a complete misanthrope!

I could have written this

No, I don't feel like I fit in .

I've also never been a brown-nosein order to fit in.

No, I don't feel I stand out from others wherever I am but I usually feel fairly included in groups such as family gatherings and the like. At work it's slightly different because I work short-term, day-to-day in different places so I don't often make a big effort to fit in.

This is actually how I feel these days.

I did care when I was younger, but now I quite often daydream about just staying well away from everyone except the couple of people I really want in my life.

Nope, never. The more I tried the more awkward I became so the more I stood out. I made peace with my quirky, eccentric (highly likely autistic) self many many moons ago. I'm sometimes slightly envious of those people that easily "find their tribe" but that's life.

This is interesting. Feel like I can fit in in the sense of faking it, but don’t really if that makes sense? So I’m inoffensive and can rub along with people.

I really strongly felt like I didn’t fit in at school and Uni aside from my few immediate friends, all of us were friends with each other and not many other people so none of us fitted in? We are still friends now in some cases. In certain places (very specific educational and work environments) I fit in. I don’t fit in at the school gates though and having worked in environments where I did fit in that was quite a shock.

No I don't fit in. Sometimes, I'm lucky and meet someone I really get on with (a partner or friend), but otherwise I'm lonely and pretty much on my own.