Christmas childcare!

[Christmaschildcare]

Before I had children, I thought parents wanted Christmas off because of the ‘magic’ of Christmas with children. I’m sure some do but I now realise it’s mostly because THERE’S NO FLIPPING CHILDCARE OPTIONS AVAILABLE

I have three children under six. Their school is (naturally) closed, their nursery is closed. There are no holiday clubs in our area open whatsoever. We have no one to ask - everyone either works or is in same boat as us so cannot look after THREE CHILDREN for us.

We need to find cover for two weeks. My dh can take a week, and I can take a week, so we’re lucky that we can plan to share.

but even that has been an issue for both employees. We’ve both been told we ‘need to do our part’ and ‘can’t expect to be off just because you’ve got kids’ and ‘well it needs to be fair to everyone’ etc etc.

while I agree with this in theory - in practice, what on Earth am I supposed to do for childcare? If my employer says I can’t take the week off - well, unfortunately, I will be, as I can’t leave three children at home. I’m not being difficult, I genuinely have nowhere and no one to send them to. I wish I did.

is there some magical Christmas childcare solution I’m missing? Please enlighten me 😩

It’s an absolute nightmare OP I know. I work antisocial hours in the NHS and we don’t have any family nearby.

My solution (to this and the ‘how to get them to gymnastics at 4pm’ fun) has been to get an aupair year round. I largely hate this solution, it’s expensive and i really dislike having someone else in my house all the time. But it’s the only way I’ve found to fill in gaps consistently.

Have you tried sitters.com ? Or asking on your local WhatsApp for teenagers/returning uni students?

Seemingly!

Good job we don't have skills shortages in the UK or anything eh...

We need to find cover for two weeks. My dh can take a week, and I can take a week, so we’re lucky that we can plan to share

So you covered ?
You can also look at hiring a student back on vacation or hiring a
Teacher assistant looking for a few days work in holidays .
Baby sitter

It’s a crap situation @Christmaschildcare . We have always been extremely lucky that both DH and I are off for most of the school holidays, however my Dsis works in a hospital and her DH works shifts so we do try to help where we can for the duration of the Christmas holidays. That said I’m happy to do a few days not the entirety.

Employers need to realise that this will always be an issue and I feel consideration should be given for those with children under a certain age (pre teen perhaps).

It is a nightmare. It only works for us because DH's office closes for 2 weeks - mine does now but it didn't when DS was a baby. I had to work until the end of Christmas Eve and the 27th-31st.

This here is why there have been so many disputes on here over the years. Child free people saying that parents are entitled and selfish and they deserve to enjoy a leisurely Christmas, while not believing the reason most parents try and get Christmas off is due to childcare, and those who need it off due to childcare saying child free people are selfish for wanting it off. Then there's those who are naturally off, or work a job that they have no option but to work over Xmas, but have an OH or family that step up to help, who like to remind people that working over Xmas isn't a big deal and you don't get to choose.

This topic is a minefield

I'm hugely sympathetic OP. I'm a FT working parent, as is my husband, and this has been the case since 2005. I have limited sympathy for workers who insist that they can't work in the holidays (or have to WFH with small children present) when there are holiday clubs available but the kids "aren't keen on them" or they don't want to bear the cost.

But this is something different- for one set of the school hols THERE IS NO CHILDCARE.

This wasn't always the case. Both nurseries we used used to be open every week of the year (and would take kids up to 8 in the school hols) but now every nursery in the area closes between Christmas and new year. Luckily there was a good local holiday club but after covid they also stopped offering holiday care at Christmas (due to low demand). Our old nanny wasn't interested in working that week as she wanted to spend time with her own children, unsurprisingly. No grandparents locally.

If we can't cover it with holiday between us then have to WFH and put up with the distraction. Boss isn't happy about it but I don't have any other option. It is an office job though so WFH is possible - lot of jobs aren't though.

I don't know what the answer is. Like you I'd happily pay for clubs but there aren't any over Christmas any more. I can't magic them from nowhere.

i don’t know any holiday clubs running 24th dec to 2 jan and I know lots of holiday clubs!

I really don't want to sound judgemental here but...did you actually think you would find childminders or babysitters at Christmas time? Even in my busy area of London, I count Christmas as a no go since everyone is on holidays!
Your solution of one week DH and one week you seems good! What's the issue with it?
Otherwise as PP said, pick a nursery that does all year round except bank holidays, ours does even though we don't use it at Christmas.

For the actual bank holidays I agree, but there are often holiday clubs available for the wider Christmas holiday - maybe your area is particularly bad - you could talk to some of the providers of summer clubs and see if they would consider opening for bits of the holiday period?

I asked earlier but not sure if you saw it OP?

Nurseries don’t take them once they are at school.

@Sorrelia

OP has been clear that they can take a week each this year but that their employers aren't happy about it and have basically made noises that it won't be approved every Christmas. That's the issue.

I'm flabbergasted that your nursery is closed for the entire school holidays. Presume you must have at least 2/3 in that space with an older child needing wrap around.

I've used an emergency nanny in the past when completely pre nursery. Extraordinarily expensive at £25phr and at least 10 yrs ago so god knows what it is now.

When they went to school, their childminder kept full-time places for them for the school holidays and we counted up the days and averaged it out over 12 months so she had a consistent income. Slightly more expensive than just having wraparound but so much easier than a frantic who's turn is it in the holidays. And there's enough of that to juggle with illnesses.
As slightly older primary aged school kids, usually enough to WFH and pop them on the sofa but that's employer / job dependent. Certainly doesn't work if you're medical.

My first call would be to the nursery staff - 3 weeks of forced time off would be a nightmare. Problem is it's all off books as they won't be registered childminders so are likely to only do one family at a time so not enough staff to cover on a 1:home ratio. Money talks though. I'd advertise and make it known that there is an advert.
I'd also canvas the nursery. If enough staff want hours they may be able to change their opening policy. Ideally you'd want to get it down to about 8 days to be covered by yourself and DH with some overlap between you so you have time together as a family.

If you have a local college, students who are training in childcare/nursing may also be interested.

Then there's family. GP's, Aunts and Uncles,

It is really tricky for managers/employers - we get it but it's really unfair to give the same people Christmas off every year and people who don't have kids neither know the realities or often care. A lot of our culture still assumes there's a little woman at home FT to look after the kids and I see that assumption right through school.

Apologies I thought her children were nursery age, thanks for correcting me.

If you build a relationship with childminder or student or regular babysitter then they may cover some of the days

Don't just ask for Xmas but build a relationship in other holidays other times

Many people will be open to extra ££ over Xmas

If you can't take holiday then you could request unpaid parental leave.

In the past I got my parents to stay. I'm now a teacher so no issue with the holidays!

Or put out a notice at work. Someone will have a student child coming for vacation open to some work

Is a term time contract possible for either of you? I’m in a public sector job and I have got a term time contract. I have the holidays unpaid, but not all of them - I can cover some with leave, family and holiday clubs. It’s been a lifesaver, I don’t know what we’d do. I do know that plenty of people just ‘work’ from home and look after their children at the same time…

But a lot of people who don't have kids really don't care.

Please - enough with this. It's not true. We know, we care but just how many Christmasses over our lifetime are we expected to work to cover? All of them?

If, in my case, I am already covering on call from 2nd - 26th December 8am, am I then expected to cover Boxing Day as well because parents cannot find childcare to cover them if they are called out?

I appreciate parents cannot magic up childcare and cannot leave children alone. But just when do I ever get a Christmas to spend as I choose if I always have to be the solution just because biology fucked me over?

I (poster in question) was specifically thinking of the people who pop up on threads like this to say helpful things like 'you should have thought of this before you had children'.

I'm not sure if that's happened on this thread, but there's plenty of it around.

But yes, its not fair of me to blame individuals who have their own issues to think of over the holidays.

As a society though, we should be able to accommodate people having children and holding down jobs. Especially as the cost of living is so high and it's very hard for families to get by on one income.

Any friends I have in Europe seem to have an easier time of it. But they have better (subsidised) childcare options and more annual leave.

This depends on approval from the employer as to when you can take the time

Why do people assume you have a whole raft of relatives that you could ask to help but you would rather not ask ? Some people have no family and obviously cannot ask friends to help over xmas holidays.. And where all these emergency magic nannies at....there are none of these people where I live. The OP is just asking her employer for flexibility for a few years while the children are small..there must be a solution rather than begging some random stranger student to help or quitting your job. This debate gets so toxic its just awful. I think you just have to split up the relevant dates between you and dh and ask employer to facilitate these. You are definitely not being unreasonable. Otherwise try parental leave (but they can say no) or call in sick as you have no other choice. Good luck.

As a society though, we should be able to accommodate people having children and holding down jobs. Especially as the cost of living is so high and it's very hard for families to get by on one income.

I agree, @TheKeatingFive, and actually I think the over-reliance on the apparent endless availability of childless workers makes that accommodation harder to realise.

I think the people that may have voted that you being unreasonable is that whilst your predicament is commonplace and a real problem, it can’t have come as a shock can it? UK schools have had two weeks off over Christmas for the last 80 odd years. What did you think would happen? You must know you had no family to rely on when you had your first child, and then your second and ooops, here’s another third child. Childcare is a bloody nightmare for people, everyone knows that. It’s expensive, often unreliable and you are always left feeling guilty whatever your status, whether you’re a high flying exec or a SAHM.

The answers would be to go part time, give up work, change jobs, move nearer to family (if that’s an option) or for your DH to do one of the first three options.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable FWIW, but those that have voted probably did because you must have seen this coming. When you have a baby, count forward 4 years and that September they will start school and have a good few months of school holidays every year where you need to have them looked after.