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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish my friend would stop asking when I'm getting a full time job?

16 replies

londoner20 · 22/04/2008 20:54

hmm? friend for many years (but unf doesn't have any children of her own) keeps asking "are you sure you don't want a full time job?" and "when are you going back to work full time". grrrr. she says it esp when I've been chatting on about how busy my life is (working part time, juggling lots of other thing having a fulfilling life). why is she obsessed that the only way to have a meaningful life is to get a "full time" job (like being a mother isn't) and I keep imaging that she thinks I drink coffee all day?

OP posts:
nametaken · 22/04/2008 20:55

tell her you've already got one. Being a mother is a full-time job in itself, never mind working part-time as well. It's not like you can clock in an out is it?

minouminou · 22/04/2008 20:56

so when are you going to get a full-time job?
ducks and runs
nahhh....sounds like a bee in her bonnet
how do you answer her? do you prevaricate, or just say "when such and such conditions are fulfilled"

WigWamBam · 22/04/2008 20:57

Don't wish for her to stop - tell her to stop. Tell her yes, you're perfectly happy as you are, you won't be looking for a full-time job, and would she let the subject drop now please as you don't want to discuss it with her.

There is no point in trying to explain how you feel because she won't understand. Just refuse to engage in conversation about it.

llareggub · 22/04/2008 20:59

Snigger.

I was just like your friend before I had my son and I actually blush when I remember what I used to say to my SAHM friend. In fact, I'm not sure why she is still my friend.

I went back to work full-time after the birth of my son, partly because I believed I should. I've since negotiated part-time working and I can't wait!

Ignore the comments.

Original poster
londoner20 · 22/04/2008 20:59

I've said that I can't imagine when I'll have TIME!!! (and then bore her with how many things I've got to do in the day and say things like I don't think it will be for at least another 10 years when they are in secondary school) but she still manages to make me feel insignificant.

OP posts:
Bluestocking · 22/04/2008 21:01

How rude of your friend. You could ask her when she plans to do something about her own work/life balance, as it's clearly completely out of whack.

nametaken · 22/04/2008 21:02

Ask her when she's gonna have a family everytime she asks you when are you gonna get a full-time job.

I bet that shuts her up.

pinkyminky · 22/04/2008 21:08

I worked freelance for a number of different clients, for a few years at a time, and one of my friends was always saying,' never mind, you'll soon find something you can settle into as a career' PMSL. Ignorance is bliss. I would say it's a definite nod and smile moment. You are right, so don't feel insignificant, feel pity.

wastingmyeducation · 22/04/2008 21:25

SAHMs don't drink coffee all day??!!
(first baby due any day)

xx

pinkyminky · 22/04/2008 21:40

Coffee- noo. toddlers make you jittery enough!

BirdyArms · 22/04/2008 21:49

I have a friend just like this. Makes lots of little comments eg when I last invited them for dinner said she's be execting me to bake bread as I have so much time on my hands. Doesn't really bother me. She says she wants children some time but not yet. She's 37 and I am worried she's going to leave it too late and think she is far more likely to regret that than I am to regret opting off the career ladder for a few years. I'm not saying this in a smug way, she is probably my best friend and I am quite worried about her which stops be being wound up by her comments.

chipmonkey · 22/04/2008 22:20

I don't drink coffee all day when I'm at home ( Currently on ML!) I make lots of coffee but don't get a chance to drink it!
I do think that a lot of people who haven't yet had children have this ideal notion of a woman who can have the career, the child, the husband and the house. It's only when you get into the thick of it all, that you realise it's not always possible ( unless you're Xenia!) I completely underestimated how attached one becomes to one's little darlings. I only realised in the hospital with ds1 in my arms, how difficult it was going to be to leave him to go to work.

DevilwearsPrada · 22/04/2008 22:34

I like nametaken's idea everytime she asks, ask when she's having kids. Will definately shut her up.

pinkyminky · 23/04/2008 16:41

I would be very careful of saying that, myself. I know this is a close friend, but you can never be sure of someone's circumstances. You could have a serious, discussion about her and babies, but I would never be flippant about it.

chipmonkey · 23/04/2008 18:33

If she were being sensitive to londoner's situation, I'd agree, pinkyminky but she's blatantly not!

pinkyminky · 23/04/2008 21:25

Not understanding about someone's career moves is one thing, being insensitive about such personal issues as having children is another. I just know too many people who have suffered fertility problems, mc, just fear of the unknown of having children whilst people make comments like 'isn't it about time you had children'. Two wrongs do not make a right.
She could take her friend to task over the issue, but I would be wary of one line comments.

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