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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go on Christmas light trail?

85 replies

Kamkoi · 07/10/2024 07:41

It's a PIL one... .

Last year we went to a light trail in a forest an hour away with PIL and our toddler DS. To DH and I it was a bit of a disaster - it was busy, poor weather, very muddy underfoot, and even though DS had some interest in parts of it, he was quite grizzly and fed up.
In the car on the way home we said we wouldn't do it again next year!
This year DS has dropped his nap and is asleep for 7 usually. We suspect he will be good for nothing at 5pm when this begins, and will probably even fall asleep in the car on the way there and then be annoyed to be roused.

Now PIL want to go again and DH declined. They have taken this badly. We are stopping their new traditions and making memories with DGS. They are refusing to engage in any conversation about Christmas plans now.

We didn't really want to book anything too big at all- last year we booked loads with various family and friend groups and it was just too much and made December a slog, and DS was knackered. This year we wanted to keep things more low key and local. We felt there was a lot of pressure for events to be 'magical' when tickets were quite pricey!

Are we being unreasonable? Shall we just suck it up?

OP posts:

Apollo365 · 07/10/2024 10:24

Lacky301 · 07/10/2024 10:21

Your child your life your choice could you agree to something else christmassy and more suitable for all of you. Fwiw those light trails are over priced rubbish.

They really are!!!!!

MadKittenWoman · 07/10/2024 10:31

Off the point as DS is well past toddlerhood and was very flexible when he was: I don't know where all these rubbish light trails are, but Westonbirt and especially Stourbridge are lovely!

Apollo365 · 07/10/2024 10:33

MadKittenWoman · 07/10/2024 10:31

Off the point as DS is well past toddlerhood and was very flexible when he was: I don't know where all these rubbish light trails are, but Westonbirt and especially Stourbridge are lovely!

So Westonbirt was lovely but so so overpriced. Also no seating thoughout the whole trail 😢 (when I last went 5 years ago which was my last ever time!)

wwjalme · 07/10/2024 10:34

This is a ridiculous reaction from them. Now they are refusing to discuss other Christmas plans. Well that's their loss isn't it.
You had good reasons for not wanting to do the light trail again and they should accept this.

I don't know why there are so many people around like this who can't take no for an answer without being deeply offended and going in a huff.
Perhaps the delivery of the "we don't want to do the light trail again" wasn't great, but even so, they should still accept your decision and that's the end of it.

TwoShades1 · 07/10/2024 10:42

Kamkoi · 07/10/2024 09:07

I think some PP might be right about the delivery of this- we did suggest a local alternative but I did say about last December being too much. I could have been more grateful that they paid last year.

This wasn't the only thing with them, we had plans with them all but one weekend in December and half the November weekends too but they included other family members/extended family as well. This meant that along with our friendship groups, and things we did just as a 3 we had something on every Friday, Saturday and Sunday for 6 weeks. I think though I should have kept it just about this event but I think we were trying to be maybe too honest.

This December is more tricky too really as PIL are away one weekend and we have a weekend of kids parties already on another... we want to leave some downtime.
Thing is we are now trying to organise actual Christmas and we are getting silent treatment and 'whatever you want'.
We have been asking about a Christmas train and when they want to do 'xmas day' with DGC and get shrugs and huffs. I suspect they don't feel like a priority.

Ah see I love a “whatever you want” (particularly if it’s in writing in a text) as then it gives me free rein to do whatever I want and no one can complain about. I just politely point them back to the time they suggested I do whatever I want.

I have pretty firm boundaries with my daughter and I stick with them. If people want to get offended over such minor things then I’m not too fussed about them being a major part of my life and I’m not wasting my breath on them. Life’s too short for pandering about to people, I just crack on with what works for our family. It’s either join in, suggest something reasonable or see you another time!

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/10/2024 10:49

Alina3 · 07/10/2024 08:16

Obviously YANBU! There are some kids who are fine with doing anything at any time (the sort that can stay up late on holiday and it doesn't affect them etc.) but for many kids, their bedtime and wind down routine is important and it would be miserable for everyone to try and override it, especially for something so unimportant. When DC was that age we simply declined anything that took place past his bedtime. With friends who now have similar aged kids, we make sure whatever we organise fits around their bedtime and naps, or it doesn't happen. It's not hard. I always think as an adult would I be okay with someone forcing me to stay up past my bedtime for something I might not even be bothered about? No, it's not fair. Sleep is important.

Your family are making this about them and what they want and that's not acceptable, now they're throwing their toys out of the pram. The way you respond to this will set the tone moving forwards.

It's perfectly okay if they no longer want to discuss Christmas plans. You make your own, do what suits you, and if they change their mind and want to see you you can see whether you can fit in them visiting or including them into what you already have planned. Don't pander and go on this thing. Your kid's wellbeing and comfort is far more important.

Sounds like you have things sussed out realising you'd enjoy a more low key Christmas more. It's got absolutely out of hand over recent years. It's so fascinating watching how everything has to become a massive commercial event now. Christmas has to involve multiple ticketed events every year, not just a quick trip to see Santa in the shopping centre but a multi-hour event with a train ride and crafts and walks lol. Each to their own and it's fine if people like those things and can afford them but bear in mind you don't have to do everything every year. I saw the advice to do one special thing each year so it's special rather than becomes expected and boring. Baking cookies one year, elf on the shelf the next year, a light walk the next, you get the gist.

This response is absolutely spot on. Parents are too pressurised into thinking they need to pay for lots of "magical" Xmas experiences when the children are happy to do much more low-key (often free) stuff.

Lemonadeand · 07/10/2024 11:13

Just let them sulk. They’re being silly.

WaitingForMojo · 07/10/2024 11:53

Ah, in light of your last update, I’m off the fence and think they’re being silly and spoilt. I had thought it was the only Christmas thing they wanted to do with ds. If you’re doing lots of other things with them that’s different.

Overbythewaterfountain · 07/10/2024 14:07

So they're sulking. Just ignore them (as you should with any adult who sulks).

P.S. They're not the priority, your child is (as you say yourself). They've had their turn raising little kids. They don't get to ruin bits of your for fun.

Thistooshallpsss · 07/10/2024 15:04

Missing the point but we tried a lights trail disappointing weather lack of food etc etc now we all multi generations go on a steam train ride where they light up the woods have fake snow etc etc it’s very cheesy but we get to sit down in the warm we sing along to the Christmas music and take our own snacks and alcohol. Win all round for everyone.

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