To not want to go on Christmas light trail?

[Kamkoi]

It's a PIL one... .

Last year we went to a light trail in a forest an hour away with PIL and our toddler DS. To DH and I it was a bit of a disaster - it was busy, poor weather, very muddy underfoot, and even though DS had some interest in parts of it, he was quite grizzly and fed up.
In the car on the way home we said we wouldn't do it again next year!
This year DS has dropped his nap and is asleep for 7 usually. We suspect he will be good for nothing at 5pm when this begins, and will probably even fall asleep in the car on the way there and then be annoyed to be roused.

Now PIL want to go again and DH declined. They have taken this badly. We are stopping their new traditions and making memories with DGS. They are refusing to engage in any conversation about Christmas plans now.

We didn't really want to book anything too big at all- last year we booked loads with various family and friend groups and it was just too much and made December a slog, and DS was knackered. This year we wanted to keep things more low key and local. We felt there was a lot of pressure for events to be 'magical' when tickets were quite pricey!

Are we being unreasonable? Shall we just suck it up?

It isn’t. As I said. But the toddler will grow into someone who has (potentially) a nice memory of doing the light trail with his grandparents every year.

I find it quite depressing that grandparents who ostensibly love their grandchild would think their desire to do a thing an hour away that will leave their very young grandchild exhausted is more important than finding something that suits everyone :(

Why are people so desperate to start new "traditions" around Christmas. It's so fake and pretentious. The only traditions worth having are those that are done every year because everyone enjoys doing them. Doing something just for the sake of it just so you can call it a "tradition" is ridiculous.

He'll be fine doing it in a couple years when he has a later bedtime and can properly enjoy it. He might not even remember this year's, or last year's.

This is true.

Well they are now refusing to discuss any Christmas plans, so make the most of that. Make your own plans, and decide what you'll invite PiL to once they're ready to be asked.

Obviously they may just keep sulking all the way to Christmas but if they do, that's their loss. Not your job to manage their childishness.

This

I'm all for doing lovely things with family and traditions etc., I just think it's not really fair of the grandparents to insist wholesale it has to be this when OP has very valid reasons why it's too much for DS just now based on past experiences :)

However if they'd rather not do anything at all full stop than do something different to the light trail I'd think they were losing their marbles or there's one heck of a back story here!

Just suggest some alternatives. Day time would be better at his age.

I can kind of see how they were put out if they were offering to pay.

I'd probably say sorry for not being more enthusiastic. There are loads of things he would love to go to and why don't we start the Christmas tradition with them and then can reintroduce lights when he's older.

It'll be more about them wanting to enjoy a Christmas memory than the lights and if they weren't manhandling him around perhaps it seemed like it all went really well.

Roughly where are you and I'm sure we can make suggestions.

If it's the one at pitlochry then Blair Drummond is really good (although I realise the popularity of these has spread so could now be anywhere!)

🤣🤣

I sometimes think parenting could be an utter blast if I didn’t actually care about my Dc!

In truth op you’d be worried about DS feeling overtired and distressed but it’s a funny thought.

Not unreasonable at all, tell them you would love to do something Christmassy during the daytime with them, that is preferably indoors - if they take offence at that then they're being unreasonable.
We went to a Christmas light trail last year and it was such terrible weather we were all soaked and freezing by the end, even with wearing waterproofs. We said we wouldn't bother again.

Keep saying no, suggest an alternative.

I'd issue an invitation over email of whatsapp for them to come and see their dgs over Christmas, offer them two dates, and leave them to think about it. Don't get involved in an argument.

If they don't engage they have only themselves to blame.

I do agree op that I can see how they may be feeling knocked back when they were making an effort to be involved grandparents.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to point out that the timing of this particular activity is tricky this year, but I’d advise you against going all in about how last year was a struggle all through December etc etc.

Id just suggest a daytime activity and be enthusiastic. Family is important and can be a real support for you as the Dc get older so I’d be careful how you handle it. But not actually doing that particular activity is perfectly reasonable if you are cheerful and enthusiastic about alternatives.

If he's eg 2 or 3 he probably won't remember it anyway.
It's not unreasonable for GPs to want to treat their GC and do something special with them
It's also not unreasonable for OP to say that particular thing doesn't work with his current routine but could potentially do it next year.

They must be quite unimaginative if it's the light trail or bust, though. There must be 100s of other Christmas experiences that are aimed at toddlers, thst might be more enjoyable for him. Farms, parks, garden centres usually have santa, and some kind of grotto, santa train rides, going to see reindeer, etc or , if acceptable to parents/GPs nativity services or christingle

Stand your ground. Those things are too long and boring for young children. I had to spend a fortune on fairground rides and food to make the event I to a happy one.

I would thank them for their offer and say how lovely it is that they are keen to do something with him. However, this isn't a good option because .... xyz

Then ask them if they would consider another similar option involving Christmas lights which is more suitable for this age and his routine. Maybe a trip to a garden centre's Christmas display (he won't care that it's not dark outside) or even a drive around the neighbourhood after 4pm, looking at the lights on people's houses. It will be dark enough then.

They are being ridiculous

YANBU but tbf it gets dark at 4pm in December so if they really want to go, let them take him but book it at that time.

I would go, GPs won't be around forever and it's one evening. He's a year older and will enjoy it much more. He will probably sleep in the car home and straight to bed. Making memories with GPs is important.

Can you offer an alternative?

I don't blame you for not wanting to go. They are very commercial and a bit shit.

@thesunisastar

But OP's son won't remember the Christmas light trail last year and he won't remember it this year. They are better off waiting for a couple of years until he is older and not tired and can enjoy it more. In the meantime, they can find a more age appropriate tradition.

I think definitely sounds like a fun idea, lovely tradition, worth a try etc. BUT, you have tried it and it didn't work for you so absolutely nbu to give it a miss this year. There are so many things like this that crop up through their childhood that others love that just don't work for you, and that's fine. Dance to your own tune. (That's not a very me thing to say btw, but someone told me that and it helped!)

I personally think little children would love the lights! Or if not, they’ll just doze in the pushchair. I don’t know what the big deal is. But since you’ve already decided it’ll be a nightmare no matter what, then don’t go, revolve your whole life around the narrow confines of your toddler’s routine.