To not want to be called a cunt when I'm chatting to my dog?

[Limth]

There is a woman living on the street parallel to me who has psychosis. We're in Victorian terraces so out back gates back on to each other.

She hears voices, she sees things and she has paranoia. Last summer she spent a lot of time in her back yard shouting awful things at the top of he voice. Police, social services, family, mental health team all got involved. They got her medication under control and things calmed down a bit.

Although she is often still in her yard swearing and making threats, the agencies seem to think it's sorted. As good as its going to get basically.

But 9/10 times that I take my dog out, she's outside up to her shenanigans. If you make a noise or say anything, she responds to that. Her social worker told another neighbour to essentially keep noise to a minimum in the back lane so not to start her off 🙄

The trouble is that my dog's almost blind and relies on us talking to know where we are, what she's meant to do and that everything is okay. So I can't keep quiet (aside from the question of why should I). Don't get me wrong, I'm not yelling at the dog, just talking in a normal voice. But the woman reacts. I've just been called a smelly cunt, a whorebag, and told that I should die in my sleep tonight. Nice.

None of the relevant agencies seem bothered. I feel sorry for the woman because she clearly needs help. There are a few houses along the road with young kids and I know one of the mums doesn't let her kids play in their back yard because of the abuse from the woman over the way.

Not sure what I'm expecting by posting here really. Just have no idea what to do.

I believe police in London have stopped responding to call outs relating to mental health issues and other parts of the UK I believe they are going to expect the care team (if there is one) to deal with it now. Social Worker is out of order telling people to keep the noise down though, that"s a bit cheeky.

Also, if someone did ‘intervene’, what would it actually do?

She can’t be locked up forever for shouting in her own garden… if she was sectioned it wouldn’t teach her not to shout and swear (if you take the view she should somehow learn it isn’t ok)- psychiatric wards are chock full of people shouting and swearing all day and night.

She might well already be on the most effective medication for her condition

she might well be being visited and supported to the maximum amount possible

The fact is some people continue to display symptoms of illness despite everyone’s best efforts- we don’t lock them up until they become an actual risk to themselves or other people.

I don't honestly think there is much you can do. I would try not to take it personally when she insults you, though of course one's instinct is to feel upset in these circumstances. But the poor woman's mental illness is clearly not fully controlled. She is almost certainly suffering a great deal. I'd try to come up with some way to think of her words that makes them seem unconnected to you, e.g. imagine they are coming from a TV in a neighbour's house. That way it might be a minor irritant, but you wouldn't perceive them as directed at you specifically.

This is why 'care in the community' doesn't work. I'm not in favour of locking people up in nasty old school asylums, but I do believe they should be sectioned in these instances and kept in indefinitely if there's no hope of a recovery or improvement. We don't have the facility to do this, and it's badly needed. It's bad for the person to be left alone, and bad for those around them.

On what grounds are you indefinitely sectioning the woman in this scenario? Because she's shouting?

What a ridiculous suggestion.

Then is no need to be an obnoxious human and both of these things would be more serious in the Police's eyes than what she is doing.

How fucking awful to even suggest treating a mentally unwell person like an animal you’re trying to deter from entering your garden.

I have a similar across the road neighbour. One of her last outbursts was directed at me (as I was stood on my doorstep). My dogs were in the window barking at her, as she came out of her house roaring shouting. So she then started cursing me out and saying I was cruel and horrid and never were my dogs out of the window, never walked etc. Rubbish obvs but the side eye I got from people walking past wasn't nice I will admit.

Thing is, this woman's husband is I'm pretty sure abusive to her too, and winds her on. Plus she has also caused damage. Smashed his windscreen, slashed his tyres (which required her walking around on the public road with a massive knife) and the police couldn't be arsed even then.

It's hard to be sympathetic which you don't know what mood she will be in and if she will be a danger to anyone.

She isn’t doing as she pleases. That isn’t how these types of illnesses work. She has no choice or control over her behaviour.

OP, I think for your own sake, you need to reframe this and see it as not abusing uou. She really isn’t. She likely had no idea who you really are and in those moments whatever she is shouting is related to what has been triggered in her mind and not to you. She sounds seriously unwell and under supported. Care in the community does not receive the funding it needs and people are left to struggle badly. Her living situation is likely to be very stressful for her.
That doesn’t mean it can’t be stressful for you too but you can’t control or change anything in relation to her behaviour so you can only take steps to try and make this less stressful for you. Can you put headphones in and still talk to your dog? Would seeing the words as not directed at you help?

It might be worth flagging it to social care or her family if you know them - it may be her medication needs review and they may be able to support her a bit more.

I think posters saying OP lacks empathy aren’t being fair - it sounds to me like OP is being very patient but it isn’t nice being sworn at and abused by someone with mental health problems, even if they can’t control them.

Play a bit of music, wear ear plugs, ignore her. She’s clearly unwell, there’s not much you can do. Would the police do anything? Unless she’s a danger to you. I’d ignore her and go about my day.

I think pavlovian techniques can be very effective in these situations.

But I wasn't suggesting treating her as an animal at all, that's come from your mind, not mine.

Horrible situation but you can only control what you do so if you want to minimise the abuse then perhaps look at ways you can take the dog out quietly? It would only be for a relatively short distance before you could talk to the dog.

The dog must be familiar with the routine and the smells so I’m unsure what she needs to hear from you? A stroke, pat, pice of chicken should be plenty to get her moving along. Once you are past the danger zone you can chat away to your heart’s content.

I seriously hope you don’t work with any vulnerable people. Are you not aware that throwing gravel or spraying a hose is actually way worse than the lady shouting? Do you genuinely think this is an okay thing to do? Or am I just biting the bait?

Couldn't that be considered assault?

Could you wear earphones so that you block out her talking? It's most unpleasant for you but otherwise not sure what else you can do

The lady can’t think rationally, so this would only make things worse. It’s abuse.

Sick.

Interesting that you mention Pavlov, considering he conducted his experiments on dogs.

You knew exactly what you were suggesting, don’t try and gaslight me and everyone else reading your disgusting comment into thinking you didn’t mean to treat her like an animal.

Okay. I’m not biting further. There is no way you really think that is okay. You are winding us up for some bizarre reason.

I would wear headphones and walk as fast as the dog can OP.

you know you are physically safe if she’s behind the fence. You’ve been advised by the social worker to leave her be, you know speaking to her makes it worse. It’s really sad but you can’t help except by making the shouting episodes shorter for both you and her as best you can.

OK. She may not have control over her behaviour. On the other hand she quite possibly may.

If she had no control over her behaviour, I'd suggest she needs some form of care for everyone's safety.

Good points, that would be a sensible approach.