To Think My Upbringing Wasn’t Middle Class?

[GondolaQueen]

Both my parents were Uni educated, both had professional high status jobs and we lived in a leafy area. But a poster on another thread pointed out that I didn’t have a middle class upbringing because being middle class is more than just job and education - it’s attitudes, beliefs, behaviour and lifestyle - and my mum was neglectful.

i finds this interesting as this is something I’d thought about for a while tbh - my mum often left me floundering while she drank spirits.

When I was growing up - a typical middle class upbringing would be -

A child has one or sometimes two siblings with at least one close in age

Either stay at home mum or a mum that puts her career on hold while kids are very young and only goes back to work when kids are in school

uni educated parents

parents without regular smoking habits or problematic drinking

parents emotionally stable

parents ensuring as far as they can that their kid only mixes with middle class kids

restricting/monitoring TV

now the only box I can tick is both parents uni educated - it’s a ❌ to all the others

anyone agree with this ?

I think your opinions of middle class upbringing are very skewed and also quite offensive, so I would be careful of repeating these in real life.

It sounds like you didn’t have a happy childhood, have you thought about talking to a professional to help unpick this?

Hard disagree. Every social class can and does neglect its children. That is a personal values thing and nothing to do with social class

Yes but I mean ‘typical’

The poshest people I know send their kids to boarding schools at 9, pretty neglectful imo

Once alcohol addiction hits all gets are off. Lucky you had a home but your Mum was being controlled by another force.

But that’s not typical. You are describing your childhood as an alcoholic one. That is not class related. All the other things you mention are definitely not middle class indicators.

No one is completely typical. That's why they're stereotypes not a perfect representation of reality. You had an unhappy childhood, it doesn't mean your parents and therefore by extension you weren't middle class. You might as well say that the prince of Wales wasn't upper class because he probably didn't have a conventionally happy childhood.

Your mother was a middle class alcoholic.
You had a middle class dysfunctional upbringing.

Emotional stability has zero to do with class sorry. Same for stay at home parents, addiction etc.

I was brought up with nearly all of these. Except both parents uni educated, Only my dad went to uni, also I am an only child.
But my grandparents on my mums side were very typically middle class.
I always thought middle class was about a combination of being comfortable financially and lifestyle choice so I guess you are right OP

Different family size or age gaps are found everywhere.

Being emotionally unstable or having alcohol problems are traits found in every social class.

Not allowing your children to mix with kids from other classes (!) is just odd, snobbish behaviour. Maybe some middle-class sobs engage in it, but it's hardly obligatory.

The TV thing is not a class thing. Plenty of liberal middle-class parents who wouldn't do it. Plenty of concerned working class parents who would.

I don't think you know what social class is.

My parents didn't go to university and are solidly middle class.

“mum often left me floundering while she drank spirits”

Sounds bang on middle class in the 70’s-90’s to me.

You can have a middle class upbringing either a parent with an alcohol problem. I did.

Class is unrelated to abuse. Social and political views do come into it, but every class has abusive/neglectful parents.

A person who lived a working class life but monitored their children’s TV consumption, was a SAHP, and not an alcoholic wouldn’t call themselves middle class, would they?

I’m sorry you had a neglectful childhood.

Or any other decade. Alcoholism didn't stop for the Millennium.

The stay at home mum bit is really odd. Might have been right in the 1950s, so I suppose it depends when you grew up. Almost all of my MC friends had working mothers in the 80s and 90s.

You are middle class. I’m not sure why this other person said you weren’t based on the info you’ve given.

Mind you I think emotionally instability and alcoholism/smoking can be present in all classes

Another post about class. What is this craze about, why is it so important?

I think you're confused about what socioeconomic class means.

Bollocks, every class of people have neglectful parents from the monarchy down, they just dress it up and get judged differently.

I agree with others that abuse is classless, it is dangerous and offensive to working class people, to think middle or upper class parents don’t abuse. You’ve had a neglectful upbringing and that will have impacted you significantly- it’s just that you didn’t also experience the impacts of poverty, social stigma etc alongside that.

People’s upbringing can have (and historically, often has been) extremely neglectful, even in upper class families.
It’s not a class thing, so your list seems to have been borne of the unhappiness you experienced growing up.
As a PP said, you should be kinder to yourself and explore some therapy to come to terms with your situation.
FWIW, my DH came from a family where the 5 kids had a labouring, often drunk father and a school dinner lady mum. Both parents loved all their children equally, however, and all 5 went on to Uni and/or professional jobs that have allowed them to take care of their parents from middle age right up until their deaths.
My In-Laws were the best of people, and I loved them!

I don’t know where you got your list from.

When I grew up everybody smoked. It was the norm among all classes I would have thought.

Also the age gap siblings is an odd one?

Based on your first line I would say you were middle class.

Google "affluent neglect"

I grew up middle class, my parents were definitely not emotionally stabe, they were damaged by their own upbringing - one working class with alcohol issues, and one middle class being sent to boarding school and generally not bothered with much, which seems to have caused life long issues with self esteem which they tried to deal with by working all the time. But I don't think many of my friends parents were emotionally stable back in the day, regardless of class!

I was talking about this with my friend last night: I think when we were growing up, the bar for parenting was much, much lower. Kids housed and fed? Well done, job done! I'm not saying that that's right, but I think the concept of actual "parenting", rather than just having kids that live in your house, is relatively new.

...edited to say that my parents did the best that they could with us at the time, and compared to their own upbringings, they did a great job. But times are definitely different now.