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Original poster

Husband not letting me txt friends partner

85 replies

Westcoastlass · 05/10/2024 21:32

My friend turns 40 this month so i text her partner asking if he is arranging a surprise party? As he mentioned before he was.
I was out with my husband and kids today after dinner i seen i had a few messages from him asking advice on what to buy her, giving me a date for her party, letting me know whos coming. I text back saying brilliant xx i let my husband know and basically its 9.15pm Saturday night and he has spent the last 2 hours amgry , saying i should not have text him, he should let us know.. saying because i put a kiss at the end he will get the wrong idea. He sent 4 or 5 messages and i sent a 1 word reply but my husband thinks rather than my reply saying brilliant i shoukd have just replied "ok" i have spent 2 hours crying as i feel like he is dictating who i text and what i say. Hes saying theres something fishy going ok, when i accused him of being a bully and dictator he said im welcome to him . I burst out crying i didnt know where to tur n or who to turn to i felt like jumping off a bridge. Im in my daughters bed and i am.shaking like a leaf i cant stop crying . This couple we are both friends with thete is 100% nothing going on i genuinely just wanted to find out if my frined was having a birthday party but my husband is saying im taking it all the wrong way, its because he has sent me 5 messages back and might send me a few in the run up with times or venue change or asking advice or a gift he might not or he may text my husband about it as we are all friends, i get he doesnt want him texting me loads but i am.not in a habit of texting him.or any other males at all. i dont think i have done anything wrong i have spent the evening in tears he did apologise for shouting but then keeps saying i should not have text him and why do i even have to know when the party is i should have just left it? Saying hes not going to the party i can go myself so now i am even more upset and i dont think he is sorry at all. Hr went up stairs and said he cant be in the same room as me i cant sleep i dont know who to turn to i cant stop crying . Am i in the wrong?

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 05/10/2024 22:22

Is he having some kind of breakdown as he behaviour on both occasions is very abusive and strange. Don't discuss it any more tonight but if this is the way he normally behaves he is a very poor and actually dangerous dh. If you have someone you can talk to tomorrow or Monday do that as you need support.
Messaging your friends dh is completely normal behaviour with a birthday coming up and he is being sparingly irrational.

Original poster
Westcoastlass · 05/10/2024 22:25

Calm down for a start. Devastation, jumping off bridges, shaking is all very extreme and not proportionate to the situation.

Maybe so but after 2 hours of arguying with him telling him he is being unreasonable etc and now he is mad at me and not talking to me this is what is hard for me to deal with - obviously im not going to jump of a bridge but when hes shouting at me making out that i am the one thats a bully and something suspicious is going on dictating who i should text amd how i should reply and say8ng that he is the one thats upset- i can go to the party myself and did start to doubt my own reality and not know where to turn plus when i am crying and he doesnt come and comfort me or say sorry makes me feel really isolated

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/10/2024 22:25

Great, he can stay at home and look after your daughter whilst you go to the party.

He's a twat.

AnywhereAnyoneAnyTime · 05/10/2024 22:25

I would bet my house that he’s having an affair. Assuming this is new behaviour.

If not he’s still being an arsehole and I’d be telling him in no uncertain terms that he can either get over himself or fuck off.

Stop with the shaking and dramatic language though. That’s not ok.

Toopies · 05/10/2024 22:26

Your poor children.
He is a nasty abusive bastard.
You desperately need to contact Women's aid.
He gets up regularly over petty things, punishes you and you beg for forgiveness.

You and your children are in a horror show of abuse.

You need to reach out for support and read the book "Why does he do that?" By lundy bancroft.

Please take this very seriously.
This is no way to live.
Tell your family and friends th truth.

Original poster
Westcoastlass · 05/10/2024 22:29

The only thing I would say…I can’t lie, if I was texting a friends husband, I probably wouldn’t put a x at the end of the message just to avoid misinterpretation by anyone that might see it.

I dont even realise i do it- but most females i know do it, i looked through all his fb birthdat messages and most girls that sent him a birthday message put xx at the end - nothing in it , some are my friends and cousins , family friends etc.

OP posts:
SwanRivers · 05/10/2024 22:29

Gosh it's all very dramatic and you must've told us at least 4 or 5 times that you're crying.

He's being an absolute abusive dick but as you've realised, the tears won't get you any sympathy from him.

Your poor kids in the middle of all this.

Noseybookworm · 05/10/2024 22:31

Your husband sounds like a bully and a controlling arsehole. 2 hours arguing over something so pathetic indicates that he has a serious problem. Your reaction of crying and shaking sounds way over the top too, is this happening often? I think you need to contact Women's Aid for some advice - your partner is controlling and abusive. This isn't the safe and happy home you want your children to grow up in OP, please get some help 💐

Original poster
Westcoastlass · 05/10/2024 22:31

I would bet my house that he’s having an affair.

No he goes to work and comes home lets me borrow his phone etc he isnt interested in any other woman

OP posts:
tolerable · 05/10/2024 22:31

sleep on it,and let him.
my goto=arsehole but i think you might be reacting to his reaction.
you both need to back off n regroup.

DeeCeeCherry · 05/10/2024 22:35

All this crying wailing wanting to jump over bridge over a man who is beyond silly.

He just wants to upset you and you're falling for it. Pull yourself together. Tell him there's nothing going on, you're not entertaining a conversation about nothing, and that's the end of it.

I bet he'd never say anything to your friend's partner for fear he'd get exactly what he deserves.

Sounds as if he doesn't like you much but I suppose there are loads of women out there battling through life with a man who blatantly doesn't like them. All about keeping up appearances

takealettermsjones · 05/10/2024 22:46

I might be way off but I feel like there's some key detail missing in the story here. I can't exactly put my finger on it.

Is he a lot older than you? Are there cultural dynamics at play? Are you scared of him?

I just can't fathom why you're letting him ban you from the kitchen, tell you how to text etc.

MNHQ
ImaniMumsnet · 05/10/2024 22:46

Evening.
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Mental Health page.
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ Flowers

Mental Health Webguide | Mumsnet

A guide to information and services related to mental health support. Find reliable organisations and support services here.

https://www.mumsnet.com/i/mental-health-webguide

Treesinthewind · 05/10/2024 22:47

Those who have been in a relationship with a manipulative headworker like this would never think OP was being dramatic or overreacting. Men like this make you feel like you're crazy and drive you to get hysterical with your apologies in order to "deserve" their forgiveness.
I'm so sorry he's treating you this way. I'd seriously consider looking into the freedom programme.

Patti62 · 05/10/2024 22:48

Is he a big drinker? Because this is exactly how my ex used to go on when he was drinking.

Elphamouche · 05/10/2024 22:58

Your husbands a cunt.

Devilsmommy · 05/10/2024 23:00

yeesh · 05/10/2024 22:02

Your husband is an abusive cunt

1 million% this

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/10/2024 23:02

Yeah, he's an abusive arse, he likes controlling you and making you feel like shit, it makes him feel really good.

Patriarchyaliveandwell · 05/10/2024 23:06

To be fair I wouldn’t have put xx on the end. To other women yeah 100% but I would never ever send it to a man and I was like that even when I was single. If you’re husband is just annoyed about that fair enough but if he’s annoyed you’re texting in the first place then he’s being controlling

Edingril · 05/10/2024 23:06

DinaofCloud9 · 05/10/2024 22:20

Stop being so dramatic over your husband being a tit. He's being pathetic but you really need to calm down.

This sums it up, but if a man put an x at the end of a text and sent it to woman there would be an uproar on here

UnionRep · 05/10/2024 23:12

God, I wouldn't put up with that shit.

It's all too childish, too exhausting.

Speak and text with who the fuck you want to.

Catza · 05/10/2024 23:20

Westcoastlass · 05/10/2024 22:03

Yes we have kids, mortgage together . I dont want to split up i just dont know what to do or who to turn to or how to get him to see my point of view - we could have had a nice Saturday night but instead he has got angry and i have spent the night crying over something trivial but he does not think it is trivial i just dont understand how he can listen to me cry for hours and not care -possible adhd so maybe lacks empathy?????

Why are you crying, though? You've done nothing wrong and I don't see why you are being upset rather than absolutely fuming with your husband. Your reaction is not appropriate at all. If my partner said something like that to me, I'd tell him to do one. If he kept going on about it after that, I'd tell him to shut up and stay home while I go to the party.
I just don't see myself crying all night over something that happens entirely in his own head. Which just tells that your relationship dynamic is not healthy... at all

Cas112 · 05/10/2024 23:22

He's deflecting 100%

rainbowsparkle28 · 05/10/2024 23:24

Fml. He is a controlling and insecure man child. Seriously consider do you want to be with someone living the rest of your life like this and make plans to end it. If there is no trust and he is leaving you feeling like this that is not a healthy relationship and you deserve better.

TheCultureHusks · 05/10/2024 23:26

Your husband is absurd.

Tell him to shut the fuck up about xx on the end of messages and look at his own birthday message list. Exactly. SHUT UP YOU STUPID LAME FUCK UP.

Just don’t even bother to talk to the twat.

Why do women even bother to give these limp dick disasters the time of day?!