To send this to the parents of the kids who are being horrid to my Y9 son every day

[Spondoolie]

Do you realise that your child is nasty and cruel to my child every single day? Is that the kind of child you wanted to release into the world? Do you realise that you child makes fun of and is vile to my child just to entertain themself?

Personally I would contact them but id probably take a different approach, id let them know there is an issue and explain what their child is doing/saying and that you have informed the school. Take the approach "im sure you want to address it with your child also as would hate for this to affect their child's ability to attend the school etc"

While I completely understand your desire to send that message, in my experience shitty kids more often than not have shitty parents. They had to have learnt it from somewhere, right? And shitty parents won’t suddenly be struck with remorse on receiving your message, they just won’t care.

I agree with others that you have to go through the school. And if the school don’t handle it properly, they are the people you should take to task.

I feel like the way she's said it to us though might actually get through better than them being able to diminish it thinking oh boys will be boys or whatever

Your child will be further tormented if you send that

Yep.

My DS was extremely nasty to a girl in his year old on WhatsApp. Her mother approached me directly. I was appalled and frankly what remained of him was a scorch mark on the carpet.

Year 9 is, in experience, the worst year in secondary. Kids that are typically nice behave like little bastards. A switch seems to go on when they get into Year 10, but they create total misery in 9. Inexcusable.

So sorry to hear this. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it all works out. I have found that majority of parents today are extremely defensive about their DC if anyone suggests to them their child is a bully. It wasn't like this when I was growing up. Parents were much quicker to bollock their own kids and take on board what others said. Not sure if that's just my experience as appreciate bullying in the 90s was seen as the norm so perhaps there were parents who didn't care. Teachers get the same problem. I know once a teacher at my DS school spoke to a parent whose child was bullying another and the parent was very abusive to the teacher accusing the school to be at fault for making her child aggressive. Every parent seems to be against bullying but there are lots of bullies out there so I do wonder is this a blinded view of their own kids or are they faking this anti-bullying talk whilst actually defending their kid? My 10 DS likes to talk to me about things that happen in school and often tells me about incidents that happen between his classmates. One of the first things I always ask him is 'what did you do?' 'Were you involved in any way?' I am very conscious that sometimes kids who aren't the one to instigate bullying might laugh along or still play with the bully just to be 'onside'. I make it absolutely clear that if I find out he has ever been involved in anything like that, he would be in serious trouble, firstly by me and then by the school.

I would send it!

They can talk to their child about it

Sadly the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in these cases op and the parents are probably the grown version of their children.

Don’t send that via WhatsApp. WhatsApp messaging is for children or casual chat and won’t be taken at all seriously. Go through the school so everything is recorded and official, and so that they know that the school knows it is happening. Be specific about where and when and what is going on.

I wouldn’t send that message. Even though I sympathise with you, it’s too aggressive in tone and you will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Have you informed the school? That would be my first port of call rather than going straight to the parents.

If you do want to message the parents I’d try and put it more politely, something like “unfortunately my son is being bullied every day and it’s really upsetting for him and for me. He says X is involved so I wondered if you would be able to talk to X about it and find out what’s going on from his side. I’d be really grateful if you could explain how awful bullying is for the victims. Happy to chat if you have any questions, I’m sure as a parent you understand my worry, thanks”. If you go in all guns blazing and accusatory, they are more likely to get defensive.

It seems people had more respect in earlier days

That sounds awful and I’m sorry you experienced that. I don’t think anyone’s saying the op shouldn’t get involved or defend her son, just that that particular message is not the best way to go about it, so have given other suggestions about how to help him.

Nah fuck going through school I can bet they are doing jack shit to deal with it firmly. do whatever you need to do to get it to stop OP, your poor boy, I dread being in this situation when my kids are older but I sure as shit won't let it go on a day longer than I find out about it

I am really sorry that your DS is being picked on; teenagers can be absolutely vile.

However I don't think you should send it especially as it seems like you haven't known the parents since primary and haven't met them and therefore won't know how they will react. It might make things worse, and that is too much of a gamble.

My DD was picked on mercilessly in school and I wanted to send a message such as yours every day. So I really do get it 🫂 But the parents might think the sun shines out of their kids' arse, and it might make it much worse.

One of the parents whose daughter was picking on mine did eventually reach out, after DD stopped speaking to this group. She wanted my DD to be friends with hers again. I said now was not a good time as DD was still really hurt by them all. She sent me an absolutely unhinged tirade, that her DD was kind, that my DD was overreacting (she wasn't!), that the bullying hadn't been that bad anyway (it was!). This was a mum I'd been friendly with since preschool! So I thought I could be straight with her and even then I couldn't.

I guess basically what I am saying is that you don't know how people react and that a lot of the time they'll be in total denial about their child so will be defensive. They won't want to collaborate with you to stop the bullying; and the child might double-down.

If it was me receiving the text I would absolutely speak to my DD and do something but it is a huge gamble and may very well make things worse. They might tell their kid about the text and then they'll also pick on your son for having his mum send texts on his behalf.

So best to go through the school and also you'll have to be That Parent who doesn't quit phoning in and ringing them until they actually act. Don't let them fob you off!!! Sending good wishes xxx

My son was recently in a similar situation and it carried on for a bit but when it started to become physical I sent a WhatsApp to the parents explaining the situation and asking them to have a word with their kids. The parent of the worst offender became incredibly defensive of their child and took no responsibility whatsoever. I had already involved the school at this point so I just ramped up my complaints and the school got more involved and spoke to the children involved , offered my son a different class and told the boys involved to play in a different area of the school yard at break times. The school were the most effective. The parents didn't really want to see any wrong doings in their children.

This.

So sorry this is happening to your child but please don't do this your son will end up with worst problems. Speak to school and get them to sort it out.

Im do sorry this is happening. I can feel your frustration and rage. Please don't send it. It may make things a lot worse. I would speak to the school rather than the parents!

This!
As a mother of a daughter who resorted to self harming, and talking of suicide, I would absolutely do this!

I don't necessarily agree that parents won't care. I think most will not want to believe their child is a bully though. How many of us really know how our DC behaves at school...I mean I doubt they come home and say "yeah we all had a good laugh and shouted at X at lunch today".

I can see why you're tempted op....but don't do it. It will just makes things worse.

@Spondoolie if you send me that, I would confront my DC ... however it would most likely turn into a he's done this, she's done that kind of scenario.

How am I able to judge when I am not there?
Why should I condem my own child in favour of yours when all I have to go on is a cryptic text?

Best way is to talk to the school, your DC teachers are there, they are able to witness and investigate the situation.
They have the power/ authority to act if things get out of hand.

What exactly have they done op?

People's perceptions differ. Nasty, cruel, makes fun of...it could be anything from horrific, targeted bullying to 'normal' jibes they all aim at each other and a particularly sensitive boy not taking well to it.

What's happened?

Don’t be the crazy person.

If you go down the cryptic posts on WhatsApp people will start avoiding you and your son will still be bullied.

Be smart.

Is your son the only one being bullied by these children? Speak to other parents and find out what they’ve heard and if they thinks it’s ok. Do NOT start a hate campaign against the parents/school but DO get a consensus for people’s thoughts on bullying. If the school is doing nothing, they will have done nothing for other pupils too. If I knew someone at my DC’s school was being bullied and nothing was being done about it then I would want to know what the school was going to do to stop it.

Bullying goes against every school’s policy and permitting it to happen fails our children. Schools are not just about teaching academics, they’re where our children learn to be good members of society.

Stay calm, stay measured and get other people on your side.

My DS was bullied in year 9. One day DS lost it and beat the bloody shit out of him.

I think it was said on a different thread about bullying. If the school doesn't sort it, that's the only way to end it. Stand up to them.

Your DS sounds a delight...