OH booked onto a holiday because we had an argument

[whatareyousayingtome]

OH was invited on a trip away with friends for 5 nights. Said to me he wasn’t going, I told him he should go but he said he didn’t want to, said he wanted us to go away (we usually go away at the same time of year), I told him I we could go anytime and he should go. Nothing else was said.

we then had an argument and didn’t speak for about 24 hours. A few days after we had resolved things he tells me while we weren’t speaking he committed to the holiday. Now I have no issue with him going but it feels as if he as done it out of spite/to punish me when we weren’t talking.

AIBU to think this way?? Its not him going that’s the issue, it’s the way it has been done, like a fuck you?

happy to hear opinions and if I’m just being over dramatic

You are being utterly ridiculous. He wasn't going to go then changed his mind. This not speaking for 24 hrs is childish nonsense. Had toy been speaking he probably would have said 'oh yeah, decided to take that trip after all'

Telling him it's fine to do it then being irked because he does it is twisted.

Said to me he wasn’t going, I told him he should go

I told him I we could go anytime and he should go.

You told him twice he should go. Now you're annoyed he is going? 🤔

he Told me he booked it because he was fuming at me

Book a solo holiday for you. Enjoy!

Yeah, I get what you mean, OP. It's not that he's going, it's the horrible "fuck you" attitude that's hurtful.

He probably thought the holiday would cheer him up after your fight.

Are you annoyed because it feels like he was already planning his life without you?

What was the argument about?

Maybe he booked it because he was looking for a break from home life because it sounds stressful if you go 24 hours without speaking after any argument.

Were you arguing about the trip?
Money?
I just don't see how it could be done to spite you unless you were arguing about him going or affording it.

That's not what your OP said, merely that you 'felt' like he did it to spite you. If he has already told you it was vindictive, why did you not say so?

But even so, it wouldn’t have been to spite you as you told him numerous times you wanted him to go. He was the one who didn’t want to go, so if he did do this in anger then he’s only hurt himself!

It would be a bit odd to do something he didn’t initially want to do out of spite for you when he would have known doing it was something you wanted him to do!

thanks for the replies, I just wanted some perspective, he said he did it because he was annoyed and regretted it after, I told it felt like it was a punishment.

not like it’s very relevant but the argument was over nothing. We didn’t speak partly to work etc but then resolved it the day after.

I don't know why he would regret it and you would feel like you were being punished? You said to him he should go; what part of that means him booking it is to punish you?

‘Go on the holiday’
‘No, I’m not fussed’
Argues and don’t speak for 24 hours
’I’ll book the holiday she told me to go on, that’ll teach her’

Good lord, are you both 12? This sounds childish and unnecessarily argumentative. Is the relationship generally like this?

Your update sounds like you both reacted in an OTT way with the not speaking and him impulsively booking the holiday and you feeling punished. So my point stands, relationships shouldn’t be like this.

Because he said he did it because he was annoyed at me and then regretted it

So many people missing the point. I wonder why.

Because he said he did it because he was annoyed at me and then regretted it

But what per of him booking something you told him to do would come across as a punishment?

It wouldn't bother me, because if I'd encouraged him to go and now he's going then he obviously wanted to go. I get what you're saying, but he's OK to book for whatever reason.

Because he told me he wasn’t going and we were going to book something and then after an argument decides we aren’t going and he is going without any discussion.

if had been look I’ve been thinking and I’d like to go I would feel a lot differently about it

Dud he start an argument so he could justify going on the holiday?

That is totally the sort of thing that I would do.

What was the argument?

At least you’ll have a weeks peace

As he should to be honest because this entire thing sounds childish

YANBU, it was definitely booked as a fuck you to you.

Lemme guess - I bet you arrange and book and organise the holiday for you and him every year?

I’d not organise a bean and let him do it all.

Wtf. You’re suggest he be childish because they had argument? How is that mature?

To be honest we both had work and needed time to cool off, if that’s childish then so be it.

You were happy for him to go on the holiday in the first place though...?? I get it's different when it's a "fuck you" gesture, but ultimately you were happy with the plan initially regardless.