OH booked onto a holiday because we had an argument

[whatareyousayingtome]

OH was invited on a trip away with friends for 5 nights. Said to me he wasn’t going, I told him he should go but he said he didn’t want to, said he wanted us to go away (we usually go away at the same time of year), I told him I we could go anytime and he should go. Nothing else was said.

we then had an argument and didn’t speak for about 24 hours. A few days after we had resolved things he tells me while we weren’t speaking he committed to the holiday. Now I have no issue with him going but it feels as if he as done it out of spite/to punish me when we weren’t talking.

AIBU to think this way?? Its not him going that’s the issue, it’s the way it has been done, like a fuck you?

happy to hear opinions and if I’m just being over dramatic

@angeldelite she didn't speak to him for 24 hours! She told him to go and when he agreed to go she's mad? Yeah he can say "oh I did it to annoy you" but at the end of the day; she said she was fine with him going

Honestly you sound like hard work.

Even here you're just arguing with people rather than listening.

So he booked himself onto a holiday he didn't want to go on to 'punish you'?

Erm ... if you don't care if he goes isn't this really just him punishing himself (and paying for the privilege) 🤣

Book yourself something really lovely while he's away. Let him be a twat. If he mentions that he booked it to punish you again laugh and remind him you told him to go so really he's only punished himself. Then maybe go on about all your plans for while he's gone.

Or just ditch the child. Either one.

And you have commented just to argue with me?? Pot kettle

He didn’t speak to her for 24 hours either. Why is the onus on her to break his silent treatment?

She doesn’t dispute that he can go. She’s probably realised he’s a bit of a twat for revenge booking a holiday.

He probably thought you were annoying and going on the trip would be better than hanging out with you.

I'd be more worried that neither of you spoke for 24 hours than for the purpose behind booking the holiday.

Martin clearly thinks you should never answer back to man.

Knowing men as I do I think he always wanted to go but didn't want to look selfish and engineered the argument to make it happen and have an excuse to go.
I think it's a pathetic excuse.

You are seriously deranged.

You're not being ridiculous, I would think the same that he's going out of spite. At least you said he should go in the beginning otherwise it would've been a different situation and you'd feel more annoyed about it

It sounds like it was just a spur of the moment thing, I wouldn't see it as punishment or with malicious intent. If you weren't talking for 24 hours he probably thought "I might as well just go on the holiday" if it was a petty fight perhaps, the petty feelings were at their peak at the time. I wouldn't worry about it being disrespectful, nor would I worry in the future if there's anything you fancy doing, and just say "what the hell, I'm doing it"

I don't think it's childish if you haven't actively avoided each other for 24 hours, I'm sure we've all been annoyed with our partners at one time and needed time to cool off, sometimes it can be over the silliest thing too.

Op, when you said to go on the trip, did you genuinely mean it, or might your husband have detected that you didn’t really want him to go?

The reason I ask is because I’ve seen friends husbands start arguments when they want to go somewhere. It gives them the opportunity to do something with less guilt.

One of these husbands, wasn't going to Amsterdam with his friends - to be fair my friend hadn’t wanted him to go, but lo and behold a few days before the trip, he started a row and walked out with his passport. He was ever so regretful after the fact, if only she hadn’t moaned at him over x,y,z.

I am reading that you didn’t really want him to go op, but didn’t feel you could stop him, he agreed he would go away with you and then in a fit of temper agreed to the boys trip. It says a lot about his lack of self control and respect, and so much about your relationship. Clearly you do not feel you can say no to things like boys holidays and are unable to express your true feelings in the relationship. That’s why it feels like a punishment. He knows it too. Tell him to fix it.

A part of me wonders if he engineered the argument…. A means to an end. Not great.

I get the feeling that he wanted that row.

I don't know why he'd want to get his own way by making you feel awful and upset, it seems bizarre to me.

I've had exes the past tho that would start an argument over things like this.
One got invited to go on a stag thing in Belgium, I said cool go for it and have fun, but he was like no, no.. I said go go.. we ended up rowing.. he didn't reply to any messages for three days, and when he did, he said he was going... Weirdly, later, I found out from the Stag that my ex had agreed to go and paid his deposit the day before the argument..

I have no clue why he'd do that.
But it seems a very similar situation to yours OP.
Bonkers if you ask me.

Well if he has regrets about his childish behaviour that's on him. He's now committed to the holiday !

Thanks for the perspective, at the end of the day I have no issue with him going it was more how he went about it. Feel much better about it now so thanks.

i’m looking forward to making some plans with my own friends while he is away.

Yabu. You encouraged him to go and were happy for him to go. So how could it be possible for him to have done it out of spite if it’s not something you would have a problem with?

Dont be ridiculous.
Quite the opposite.
It was to piss her off.

To be fair, it's a thing. You even see it suggested on here all the time (when OP is pissed off with her husband/partner) book yourself into a spa, book a hotel, go away with your friends for the weekend.

I don't understand why your response wasn't 'oh brilliant!'.

You wanted him to go. You'll get some time to yourself. I don't see why this isn't a good thing!

Well played him then because it obviously worked.

Ho early it didn’t even cross my mind because my DH and I don’t do game-playing.

Honestly have no issue with him going it’s just the way he’s gone about it.

my friends are going away and said I should join them, this has now caused an issue because he said I’d only be going as a revenge holiday. Feels like a no win situation

He's an utterly immature twat, how can you be bothered with this level of immaturity and drama? You could have a great life on your own

The op does not seem any better