To think that saying “marriage is sex work” is an oversimplication?

[SunnyDeer]

I recently heard someone say that “marriage is sex work,” and it really got me thinking. On one hand, I understand that the statement may stem from discussions about the transactional aspects of marriage, where some might argue that intimacy and companionship can be seen as commodities. However, I find it difficult to equate a lifelong partnership based on love, trust, and commitment with the concept of sex work, which involves different dynamics and motivations.

Marriage often involves emotional support, shared responsibilities, and mutual goals, while sex work, although valid and important, typically centres on a financial transaction without necessarily the same emotional connection. So this connection feels reductive and disregards the complexities of relationships.

I’d love to hear others’ thoughts on this. Do you think the statement holds any validity, or is it just a provocative way to view marriage? Has anyone else encountered this perspective in conversations?

Depends on why you get married I suppose? And sex work for whom? Surely there would have to be an imbalance of 'power' for that to be true?

I certainly don't see any of my daughters in law as sex workers! The couples are al very very happy, in love and in equal partnerships.

It's not sex work in a lot of loving equal marriages at all. There are lots of happy equal marriages.

I suppose you could maybe call the marriages where an old wealthy man marries a young poor woman, "sex work' as she gets money for sex

Sorry but did you overhear some sort of incel? What normal person would say that?

Depends why you got married and why you stay married. If it's because of money then yes, perhaps marriage is sex work. Actually, sex work is more honest than staying in a marriage purely for money.

What a load of shit!!
How stupidly insulting to insinuate that one of the couple has to pay for being provided for in sex. People work, people don’t get married, bollocks, shitnips and fuckfaces to that, it’s not the 17th century.

Can you explain the sex work "is valid and important" assertion in your post OP please?
I really don't understand what you mean saying that.

This!

I don’t even understand this, how is marriage sex work?
Do they mean this in the case of stay at home parents only? Do they think all women are being “kept” by husbands?
I fail to see what part of my marriage is akin to sex work?

What on earth? Sex work is not "valid and important". Many sex workers are abused, have no choice, are effectively slaves. No woman becomes a prostitute unless they are desperate. Many are pimped out as children and take years to escape and are then left with a lengthy criminal record

A consenting couple is about as far as you can get from this scenario.

I recently heard someone say that “marriage is sex work,”

Stop listening to idiots is my advice.

Since when is sex work 'valid and important' 😂

I earn more than my husband so is he the sex worker and I the punter? I must make sure I tell him. 😂

There is a chapter along these lines in the book Freakonomics (or maybe the sequel) actually. (Great book btw - totally recommend.) Which argues that the life of a very high end prostitute is closer to that of a “trophy wife” than it is to that is someone selling sex on street corners.

I don’t totally agree but I get the point.

Me and my DH have far more in common than enjoying sex with one another. But he has a very high sex drive and I am aware sex is important to him.

If it were just sex I’ve no doubt my DH would have kept his life uncomplicated and just played the field having causal sex - that was his goal when he left his exW and worked for him for several years.

I know of other successful marriages who place sex v low on the agenda. I’m sure in some marriages sex is used as a currency but I don’t think it’s fair to say in all cases.

Sex work is valid and important

Wtf?!

It's obviously a ridiculous notion. It plays into the idea that men always want sex, and a woman's role is to either give or withhold it. Men marry because it gives them sex in return for giving security. Women marry in order to get security (financial etc), and in return they provide sex.

Sexist bullshit basically.

I can see how somebody might feel this way if they’re in an unhappy relationship with somebody they no longer love or fancy but feel they can’t / don’t want to leave because their partner provides well financially and facilitates a nice home and family life - and MN seems full of women like that.

Beyond that, that’s really not how anyone in a healthy relationship feels towards sex with their partner. Women aren’t reluctant gatekeepers of sex handing it out like a prize to men: many of us really enjoy sex!

I think a huge difference between the prostitute and the trophy wife is that the trophy wife can use sex to manipulate whereas the prostitute can’t in the same way. The roles are reversed.

After joining MN the more I understand it is.

Don't be silly OP. You know it isn't. For one thing the vast majority of married women earn their own money, many out earning their partners so are not profiting materially from the arrangement. For another, sex in marriage is for mutual benefit not a service a woman provides to a man.

Maybe I need to read the chapter...but isn't the point of a trophy wife that they look good on your arm, the husband enjoys having a good looking wife to impress others? So he possibly sacrifices other aspects such as having a wife he gets on with or has things in common with. But they are still exclusive, they share assets, they can make a family together and are part of each others wider families. Plus sex is consensual.

A prostitute however high end has none of this. They must have sex with a man they haven't chosen, for a limited amount of money and no other benefits. Yes it's a more comfortable life than a street prostitute, but it's a customer client relationship and sex is a commodity. There's no security or relationship involved.

Let me guess, a man wrote the book.youre talking about?

It was actually a comment made by a friend during a discussion. I found it provocative and wanted to explore the idea further, which is why I brought it up.

I went to a ladies lunch where they had an author talking about her book. Her view was that marriage is prostitution. It didn't go down very well in the room.

Yes you surely don’t actually mean this do you, please tell me you’ve just picked up the idea of ‘sex work is work’ and parroted things you think you’re meant to say to sound inclusive?

I feel that sex work is a legitimate form of work for many women and should be approached with respect and understanding. It plays a significant role in our economy and society, and women involved in it deserve rights, protections, and access to health and safety resources.

Is this written by an AI? It’s so weird.