To think that saying “marriage is sex work” is an oversimplication?

[SunnyDeer]

I recently heard someone say that “marriage is sex work,” and it really got me thinking. On one hand, I understand that the statement may stem from discussions about the transactional aspects of marriage, where some might argue that intimacy and companionship can be seen as commodities. However, I find it difficult to equate a lifelong partnership based on love, trust, and commitment with the concept of sex work, which involves different dynamics and motivations.

Marriage often involves emotional support, shared responsibilities, and mutual goals, while sex work, although valid and important, typically centres on a financial transaction without necessarily the same emotional connection. So this connection feels reductive and disregards the complexities of relationships.

I’d love to hear others’ thoughts on this. Do you think the statement holds any validity, or is it just a provocative way to view marriage? Has anyone else encountered this perspective in conversations?

Does that mean DH is a hooker because I earn more than him? 😂

"Marriage is sex work" is an extremely misogynist take, predicated on the assumption that the main, or possibly only, contribution women make to marriage is sexual. How horrible.

I'd like to know your friend's take on married couples who don't have sex.

It is weird isn't it?

😂😂 my DH must be too.

I think your friend may benefit from a lobotomy 😕

Ha I think you have hit the nail on the head.

What's your definition of 'legitimate'?

Bollocks!

What's a marriage where the couple don't have sex?
I mean it's not compulsory.

If marriage is sex work then you’re being abused.

I’ve just asked my husband, and he didn’t think of himself as a sex worker, but now he’s questioning it. I’ve sent him off to the bedroom.

Isn't it obvious that, some women, are paid for? They don't earn or contribute financially, so they have to do "stuff". They have no way of supporting themselves, so they have to demean themselves, to remain unemployed.

Yes. This is beyond weird.

No, it really isn't for the vast majority of women. Have a think - why would anyone choose to be a prostitute if they had any other choice? I don't think you understand or respect women. And how on earth does it contribute to the economy or society. Most prostitutes are on hard drugs and controlled by criminals.

Women involved need help to escape it.

Are you a man trying to justify your use of prostitutes?

“marriage is sex work,”
Pile of shite. If you let men get away with pushing ideas like this, all married women will find themselves obliged to have whatever sex whenever their husbands like. Which won't be pleasant.

Marriage should be a partnership, for living together and often for raising children. A partnership of two equals, neither of whom is partaking in any degrading activity.

This is very weird.

@SunnyDeer I think you're very naive if you don't think many, if not most, marriages either start or end up as transactional.

"typically centres on a financial transaction without necessarily the same emotional connection".

Marriage literally is a traditional financial transactional arrangement in every sense.

Do you think many people would marry someone much worse off than themselves? Rich people with no personality who want a nice arm accessory, maybe.

Agree, Utter tripe.

Well, sex work isn't work for one. If sex is just like any other type of work then why is rape a massive and traumatising crime? If your boss asked you to do something intimate to him then why is that a criminal thing for him to do? If sex work is just work, surely it's just another transaction?

Sorry I have to just poke holes at the premise because I think normalising prostitution is harmful to women as a group.

Well, in this country I think that point is moot as conjugal rites were abolished in the early 70s. A man can no longer demand sexual intercourse from his wife or use as grounds for divorce so marriage is no longer a guarantee of sex anyway.

Having a bit of maintenance sex to keep your long term relationship in an adequate state - I still don't think that's sex work. I mean, who's doing the work? Are the husband's sex workers too in the relationship? If a woman earns less than her husband then is she the worker or vice versa if she's the breadwinner?

[Sex work] plays a significant role in our economy and society

How so?

Sounds like something someone would say to be provocative. It's worse than an oversimplification. A marriage that is nothing more than a contract of sex in exchange for money isn't a true marriage.

Sex work “plays a significant role in our economy and society”

Jesus Christ. A significantly detrimental role, yes. Of course the women involved need respect and protection, but from exploitation and abuse. Tell me OP, why didn’t you choose to enter the profession? I assume you’ll be encouraging your daughters to make this important contribution to our society. FFS, this is actually one of the most offensive things I’ve read on here for a while. I think it’s really rankled me because I can’t believe that you really believe this, I think it’s pure virtue signalling.

gosh there are a lot of people being very offended by this musing thought! No one is accusing anyone of being a sex worker. They are not ‘disrespecting’ marriage…

I don’t make any money other than the money my husband willingly shares with me because I do life + raise children with him. In a transactional sense I suppose I get money and security (as well as all the silly, lovely, irritating, pros and cons of shared life) in exchange for overseeing our home, looking after our children and generally making life nice for us all (some of which includes mutually cheerful sex)

I’ve just posed this to DH + he set me some maths homework (work out the cost of the average visit to a sex worker x how many times a year we have sex) And it turns out I’m a lot more expensive… But he also pointed out that people can earn money in which ever way they choose - but that in the context of our marriage he shares everything he has with me as a given because he trusts / loves me and knows that we have a shared vision we pour our energy into.

He maintains a better analogy is that he is the Chief financial officer and I’m the Chief Operating Officer - we have board meetings and make decisions together - he’s ultimately in charge of balancing the books but there isn’t a power imbalance.

I am not a Happy Hooker. I’m a happy COO.

I think the most objectionable thing about the statement "marriage is sex work" is that it implies that women don't ever want sex with men for the sake of enjoying having sex as a thing itself, but that it must always be part of a trade for something else that they really want (whether that be money, security, a father for their children, someone to take the bins out, etc).

That takes us right back to the Victorian age and the idea that women were abnormal if they enjoyed sex.