To think that saying “marriage is sex work” is an oversimplication?

[SunnyDeer]

I recently heard someone say that “marriage is sex work,” and it really got me thinking. On one hand, I understand that the statement may stem from discussions about the transactional aspects of marriage, where some might argue that intimacy and companionship can be seen as commodities. However, I find it difficult to equate a lifelong partnership based on love, trust, and commitment with the concept of sex work, which involves different dynamics and motivations.

Marriage often involves emotional support, shared responsibilities, and mutual goals, while sex work, although valid and important, typically centres on a financial transaction without necessarily the same emotional connection. So this connection feels reductive and disregards the complexities of relationships.

I’d love to hear others’ thoughts on this. Do you think the statement holds any validity, or is it just a provocative way to view marriage? Has anyone else encountered this perspective in conversations?

Sex work can never be valid, the risk assessments would make it unviable. In jobs where you come into contact with bodily fluids and infectious diseases there is very tight regulations and copious amounts of PPE.

What is with all the weird threads justifying porn on here over the past couple of days?

Oh dear. The person equating marriage to sex work has a very warped and jaded view of relationships; the person describing sex work as “valid and important” (one of the blowjobs are real jobs brigade??) is utterly divorced from reality.

I can’t imagine anyone who has ever exchanged more than two words with someone involved in prostitution believing such an utterly moronic assertion. Those who’ve ever had to prostitute themselves for whatever reason sure as shit don’t think they’ve been engaged in “valid and important” work.

Of course sex workers deserve medical treatment and safety, But most of all they deserve not to have to suck some random stranger’s unwashed dick to pay for their dinner.

It’s such a miserable way at looking at marriage. Reductive and naive - comes across that it’s been said by someone who is not married.

What about the shared values and conversation and vows and support and team work and depth to knowing someone for so long and laughter and commitment and love and tenderness? Transactional is not how I would describe my marriage.

*one. If sex is just like any other type of work then why is rape a massive and traumatising crime?

eh? I mean forced labour exploitation of any kind is also a massive traumatising crime. Hence the criminalisation of slavery and all.

I do most of the household chores and most of the childcare.
Of course he's paying me with sex 😆

Drpends i could see a sahm who relies on oh for every penny and who only goal in life is looking after partner and kids and house being likened to that bit cznt think of any other scenario

Let's compare some scenarios though:

I'm worried about losing my job so I relent under pressure to work through my breaks to get a project finished on time.

I'm worried about losing my job so I relent under pressure to give my boss a blowjob.

Are these comparable? Just extra unpaid work?

Oh, God, this old chestnut did the rounds in the 1970’s - “marriage is just prostitution” sort of thing.🤷‍♀️

I don’t know why some people assume women don’t enjoy sex, or understand what marriage should be about.🙄

And, most women also work outside the home.

What decade did I just stumble into please?

But that assumes, in a heterosexual marriage, that only the husband earns money outside the home, while the wife doesn't.

I don't know anyone like that.

That wasn't even common for half the population in Victorian times, when half the female population of working age worked outside the home in domestic service, factories, clothing etc. manufacture, shops, hospitals, schools etc. etc.

Is your mate an incel?

Because only incels and mad misogynists, in my experience, believe most women don't work outside the home.(As well as never owning their own property etc).

It also, as other posters have pointed out, makes the gigantic assumption that women don't want to have sex with their partners!

Again, are they an incel? Because it's only incels and mad misogynists who think only men have a sex drive and only men enjoy sex.

Saying that marriage is sex work is a fundamentally sexist and misogynistic statement as it implies that women don't want or enjoy sex.

My late husband was a sexual genius. I earned more than he did but I could never have afforded sex work of his quality if I'd had to pay my darling for it. Makes me sigh just remembering...

I just asked my husband if he thinks I’m a sex worker with absolutely zero context and have just wondered off and left him with that. He is very confused 🤣

At one point I earned more and had more savings - so was DH the hooker - and when that swapped (after kids) did I become one?

I always thought it was a partnership - with shared aims and goals and work and discussion.

In my hometown in Northern Ireland, there used to be a gigantic fabric and shirt making industry.

Even when women couldn't find it easy to go in to factories every day, they did "outwork" and made shirts at home.

So there was huge female employment, and relative male unemployment. One of the few places men could be seen looking after "weans" in the 50s.

All those male prostitutes, eh.

Even if a woman doesn't and has never worked outside the home (a very unusual scenario) it's interesting to see how the person who stated this only focuses on sex as the "work" they do.

Childcare - apparently worth nothing.
Tell that to daycares and nurseries, who somehow manage to produce rather hefty bills for it every month.

Food shopping, prepping, cooking and clearing up - apparently worth nothing.
Tell that to home helps, cooks and chefs & kitchen staff.

Housework & cleaning - ditto.

Household management - ditto.

How very refreshing for work that costs money to have others do it, be considered worth nothing & irrelevant when a woman living in a house does it.

I'm wondering if you're actually one of those incels who keeps popping up on here, to try to get a debate going about your batshit incel theories and views.

Dod she suppose it was sex work for both partners or just the woman in a hetero marriage?

Is it financial benefits only or other benefits? If financial I want to know who got my money! If not, everyone involved should get something out of a relationship otherwise what’s the point in being in one? Doesn’t make it transactional though.

TBH it sounds like someone who thinks they’re very intelligent but is actually rather immature.

Should women I know who outearn their husbands (quite a few) be charging the husbands for sex??

OP goodness knows what your friend has been reading. He/she/they might, however, like to consider this - from the marriage service of the church in England written in 1549 - getting on for 600 years ago when social conditions and equalities for woem were much, much less equal than today. .

In spite of all that, I reckon those long-dead people had a better grasp of emotional reality than whoever your friend has been listening to.

"Thirdelye for the mutuall societie [ie companionship], helpe, and coumfort, that the one oughte to have of thother, both in prosperitie and adversitie. Into the whiche holy estate these two persones present: come nowe to be joyned." *

I think that offering each other 'companionship, help and comfort' is still a pretty good definition of the benefits of marriage for both partners (of whatever sex) , even today.

• http://justus.anglican.org/resources/bcp/1549/Marriage_1549.htm

No it’s obviously not the same for a number of reasons . Not least because presumably your job isn’t sex work?

But if you draw no distinction between sex work and rape, you are essentially saying it’s not possible to rape a sex worker- and that’s not ok.