Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends expecting me to pay for room I’m not sleeping in!

81 replies

Shouldiorshouldinotthen · 03/10/2024 19:52

A group of 4 of us have been planning to stay in a fancy hotel not too far away from home for a much needed break from being mums to our young children.

In our friendship group is myself, twins A&B and my friend C. We have decided as it is friends C 30th coming up we will go near her birthday.

I have told the girls, plenty of times that I cannot stay the night on 9th Nov. Well now they’ve told me in the group it’s going to be 9th because it is the only night C can find childcare and it’s her birthday.

For the spa facilities and a cream tea at the hotel its £45.99

For the night it’s £380 (minimum 2 people) and you get the spa, cream tea, dinner with bottomless cocktails, stay the night and breakfast.

Twins A&B are sharing a room so their fee is £189.99 per person. Because I am unable to stay the night friend C has been told they don’t take single person in a room and she will have to pay £380. I have told her I will pay the £45.99 for the spa and cream tea as I’m not having the dinner, breakfast or staying the night.

But the twins have text me to say I am out of order not paying more and it’s C’s birthday. I’m expecting her to pay a silly amount. I should’ve offered to pay more. I said I can pay £25 more but £70 is already a lot of cream tea and a dip in the pool.

It is quite obvious they expected me to pay the full £189.99, despite the fact I’m not staying over night

Not sure if any of this makes sense but - AIBU!

OP posts:
Waterboatlass · 04/10/2024 20:02

They're being ridiculous. Rescind the offer to pay any extra, you've been more than clear you can't stay that date. Any shit, pull out.

It's not a thing to pay for friends to have luxury nights away, especially if you're not able to go. Card, little present and a drink, ok but not a night in a hotel.

Savingthehedgehogs · 04/10/2024 20:24

Just. Rude.

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 04/10/2024 20:30

It doesn't sound like the twins are your friends?

bagginsatbagend · 04/10/2024 21:05

None of my friends would even consider asking someone to pay for a room who has explicitly said they can’t stay over. They would all offer to split it 3 ways so one person wouldn’t have to pay more. The issue is with the twins, they KNOW they are wrong but they don’t want to contribute so are trying to guilt you into it. They don’t sound like any friend I’d want in my life

DroopyEyelids · 04/10/2024 21:28

Wouldn’t it make more sense for the ones staying to split the costs of staying? If you’ve all got to do the same thing then it’s either a day event only on date you said or you rearrange for a date you can all go overnight. Put that in a group chat with lots of ‘xxxx’ and be nice about it. Let them work out what they’d prefer. It’s not at all unreasonable as you’ve already said you can’t stay overnight. Red flag those friends though.

Savingthehedgehogs · 04/10/2024 21:48

These people are not your friends.

Real friends would insist on you being there op.

TheGoogleMum · 04/10/2024 21:52

Yeah I think they need to rearrange for a date you can stay. Ridiculous of then to expect you to pay for a date you said you couldn't do

T1Dmama · 05/10/2024 00:24

One of them could share with the birthday girl, just because they’re twins they don’t need to share the room with each other!! Personally I think they should all just split the hotel cost 3 ways! You have been upfront and said all along that the 9th wasn’t a date you could do, and they booked it anyway… in your shoes I wouldn’t go at all!

T1Dmama · 05/10/2024 00:28

Shouldiorshouldinotthen · 03/10/2024 19:59

I’m happy to go in Jan and do something else for C’s birthday. I feel a bit annoyed tbh, it was something the 4 of us wanted to do together but they want to go on the only day I can’t stay the night for. None of us have any plans in Jan so it’s frustrating!

Show quote history

There’s your answer right there!
drop out and tell them it’s the only day you can’t do and won’t be going! (Or paying!)

JackyPaper · 05/10/2024 07:37

Hang on hang on ….. why is the venue charging full price for C if it’s ’minimum 2 people’. Don’t they have triple or family rooms?

Autumnalfun · 05/10/2024 07:40

I think c can’t afford the whole thing that’s why she’s moving the date and making up an excuse so you don’t feel bad,rather than say yeah I can’t afford it as you’re not coming. The twins know this. But they should have offered to split the cost not pressurised you

Piwi1625 · 05/10/2024 11:50

Shouldiorshouldinotthen · 03/10/2024 19:52

A group of 4 of us have been planning to stay in a fancy hotel not too far away from home for a much needed break from being mums to our young children.

In our friendship group is myself, twins A&B and my friend C. We have decided as it is friends C 30th coming up we will go near her birthday.

I have told the girls, plenty of times that I cannot stay the night on 9th Nov. Well now they’ve told me in the group it’s going to be 9th because it is the only night C can find childcare and it’s her birthday.

For the spa facilities and a cream tea at the hotel its £45.99

For the night it’s £380 (minimum 2 people) and you get the spa, cream tea, dinner with bottomless cocktails, stay the night and breakfast.

Twins A&B are sharing a room so their fee is £189.99 per person. Because I am unable to stay the night friend C has been told they don’t take single person in a room and she will have to pay £380. I have told her I will pay the £45.99 for the spa and cream tea as I’m not having the dinner, breakfast or staying the night.

But the twins have text me to say I am out of order not paying more and it’s C’s birthday. I’m expecting her to pay a silly amount. I should’ve offered to pay more. I said I can pay £25 more but £70 is already a lot of cream tea and a dip in the pool.

It is quite obvious they expected me to pay the full £189.99, despite the fact I’m not staying over night

Not sure if any of this makes sense but - AIBU!

They weren't bothered about your feelings for them to still book the time you couldn't do. Point that out to them, they're the ones that took the piss!

perfectstorm · 06/10/2024 08:49

They booked a day you couldn't go, haven't offered to split the cost 3 ways with the birthday girl, but want you, the person their booking choices excluded, to pay for a trip they ensured you couldn't go on?

They sound lovely.

AmIEnough · 08/10/2024 07:47

All these ACTUALLY your friends? They are absolutely taking the piss! I have no idea what possesses them to think that you should pay for a hotel stay that you’re not attending! Do they pay for your weekly shopping for you even though they’re not eating any of the food? The principle is the same. I would cancel and tell them you can no longer make it if I were you. Unless somehow you can make them see sense you are on a hiding to nothing here! Good luck

SpringYay · 08/10/2024 07:52

We have a friend group from school, 5 of us. We meet up occasionally and have o/ns or short breaks. If someone can't make a dinner we might go ahead as a four but o/ns are all or nothing. Fairness would be they split the costs themselves or you pick a date you can all go. The audacity of some people never fails to amaze me! I wouldn't be paying for a hotel room I'm not using.

Candystore22 · 09/10/2024 07:57

They have to split the cost of the overnight between the 3.
The twins are absolute pisstakers for suggesting anything else.

Floppyelf · 09/10/2024 08:02

Shouldiorshouldinotthen · 03/10/2024 19:52

A group of 4 of us have been planning to stay in a fancy hotel not too far away from home for a much needed break from being mums to our young children.

In our friendship group is myself, twins A&B and my friend C. We have decided as it is friends C 30th coming up we will go near her birthday.

I have told the girls, plenty of times that I cannot stay the night on 9th Nov. Well now they’ve told me in the group it’s going to be 9th because it is the only night C can find childcare and it’s her birthday.

For the spa facilities and a cream tea at the hotel its £45.99

For the night it’s £380 (minimum 2 people) and you get the spa, cream tea, dinner with bottomless cocktails, stay the night and breakfast.

Twins A&B are sharing a room so their fee is £189.99 per person. Because I am unable to stay the night friend C has been told they don’t take single person in a room and she will have to pay £380. I have told her I will pay the £45.99 for the spa and cream tea as I’m not having the dinner, breakfast or staying the night.

But the twins have text me to say I am out of order not paying more and it’s C’s birthday. I’m expecting her to pay a silly amount. I should’ve offered to pay more. I said I can pay £25 more but £70 is already a lot of cream tea and a dip in the pool.

It is quite obvious they expected me to pay the full £189.99, despite the fact I’m not staying over night

Not sure if any of this makes sense but - AIBU!

Are you insane? After their reaction- I wouldn’t pay a penny. In each group there is always one that is thought of as a mug. In yours… they identified you as a mug. Time to woman up and maintain clear boundaries with them by saying that you are not paying a for a service that you are not getting. That’s it. Expect bullying and treating you like
you are all sorts of wrong, petty and etc… but you stick to your guns. By anyone chance have they asked you about how much money you make or have access to? They clearly have identified you as a cash cow.

Floppyelf · 09/10/2024 08:05

Shouldiorshouldinotthen · 03/10/2024 20:12

Update :

just come off phone to C and she said she was happy to pay the extra and understood I couldn’t stay that night. Her DH was going to pay for it as a birthday treat. But she said thinking about it now she’d rather us all do something else than me be left out.

But now I have a sour taste about twins

Keep C as a friend, dump the other two.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 09/10/2024 08:18

Shouldiorshouldinotthen · 03/10/2024 19:55

Also yes I’ve mentioned doing it another time, but they’re so packed out the next time it’s available for £380 is in Jan. it goes up to almost double that later in Nov / Dec I guess due to Christmas

So go in January. January is quite bleak for many people so a spa weekend might be perfect for you!

Marine30 · 09/10/2024 08:24

Shouldiorshouldinotthen · 03/10/2024 20:12

Update :

just come off phone to C and she said she was happy to pay the extra and understood I couldn’t stay that night. Her DH was going to pay for it as a birthday treat. But she said thinking about it now she’d rather us all do something else than me be left out.

But now I have a sour taste about twins

Yes - it does sound like it’s mainly the twins being grabby and damn rude rather than C. You might be best advised going for your mate, being civil with the twins and then never seeing them again. Total CFs.

LookItsMeAgain · 09/10/2024 08:43

Have you suggested that you'll pull out entirely as you cannot afford to be spending money on rooms you're not sleeping in? Should you also be asked to pay for other unoccupied rooms in other hotels because that is essentially what they are asking you to do.

Don't pay it.

Wheresthebeach · 09/10/2024 09:09

Glad your friend is being...well...a normal, decent person. The twins are a nightmare!

Thursdaygirl · 09/10/2024 09:26

LookItsMeAgain · 09/10/2024 08:43

Have you suggested that you'll pull out entirely as you cannot afford to be spending money on rooms you're not sleeping in? Should you also be asked to pay for other unoccupied rooms in other hotels because that is essentially what they are asking you to do.

Don't pay it.

This!

TheBluntTurtle · 09/10/2024 09:27

You said you couldn’t do the 9th multiple times yet they still proceeded with that date - you should only pay for the spa and cream tea and they should pick up the rest. Has no one considered that they have picked a date you can’t do and are actually excluding you from the hotel stay and celebrations? Wasn’t the trip originally for you all to get together away from kids and not a 30th do?

if they really want everything to be fair then the twins and friend c should combine all their costs and divide by 3 - so £253 each. I suspect the twins won’t want to do that as it will cost them more…. But why has it been assumed that the twins will save on the room cost but not friend c? One of them could share a room with friend c and the other twin have a room to themself.

from an outsiders perspective it seems like the twins have control over this friendship group - I’m guessing they always back each other up and therefore have the majority for decisions for events like this so things always go their way? And it’s difficult for you or friend c to go against that?

Feelingstrange2 · 09/10/2024 09:31

I read a fantastic comment on Mumsnet a few days ago. Sorry I don't remember who posted it to thank them. It said (something like)

"We teach others how to treat us"

I've never thought like that and it's entirely changed my view on stuff like this.

You told them. They didn't listen.