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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to think I have the loveliest DH in the world?

164 replies

pollyglot · 02/10/2024 22:08

I'm sitting here in my well-worn and unglamorous pyjamas, laptop on my knee, working on my latest book. The sun is streaming in through the French windows, and spring has indeed sprung.
DH comes in with a coffee for me, and says..."You look so beautiful sitting there in the sun. I'm so proud of you, and the luckiest man alive."

Readers, I'm going on 75, and he is 76. I have glasses, wrinkles and gardening hands, carrying a little more avoirdupois than recommended. Beautiful I am not. Is he lovely, or what?

OP posts:
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 03/10/2024 14:58

DonnaBanana · 03/10/2024 14:36

Well sorry for bringing the tone down but I am actually very happy for OP and especially if he has always been like that!

However in my experience (not just me but friends and family) younger men are not usually saying stuff like "I'm so proud of you, and the luckiest man alive" that feels like something a nice older man will say. Younger men usually have their heads too much up their bums to be so sweet.

How would you know people's private conversations though, it's the kind of thing that would be said when just the two of them.

My DH is similar but I wouldn't be telling friends or family.
OP would get nothing from praising him to strangers.

It's also possible to be happy for someone without comparing.

OP shared a lovely story, no need to put a negative spin, even if he hadn't always been like that.

lifebyfaith · 03/10/2024 15:12

Genevieva · 03/10/2024 05:28

Spring?

In New Zealand yes

HappyDane · 03/10/2024 15:17

Do people not understand hemispheres anymore? 🤔

Moll2020 · 03/10/2024 17:59

How lovely, I’ve been married to my DH for 36 years and I love him completely as he loves me. You and your husband sound delightful, I’m sure you do look beautiful sitting in the sunshine x

Hagpie · 03/10/2024 19:05

I love people who are in love and loud about it.

More of this please ❤️

girlofsandwich · 03/10/2024 19:14

How sweeeeet I love it! You both sound lovely!

GivingitToGod · 03/10/2024 19:24

Lovely to hear of happy people with loving, devoted, appreciative partners. Very lucky indeed. That has certainly escaped me😁

laraitopbanana · 03/10/2024 19:25

Marry him again if you haven’t already!
❤️

MageraofCthulik · 03/10/2024 20:09

He's a keeper💜

Flozle · 03/10/2024 20:11

DonnaBanana · 02/10/2024 22:35

It’s very nice. It’s a lot easier for older men to be romantic once they give up their youthful male ego and realise they haven’t got a chance to get anyone else anymore so will be nicer to you

You seem fun. Nothing like a mood hoover to derail a perfectly lovely thread. 🙄

emmetgirl · 03/10/2024 20:37

Oh that made me smile! Thank you ♥️

ellyeth · 03/10/2024 22:28

You lucky thing.

Doubledenim305 · 03/10/2024 23:07

Awwww.what a lovely heart warming post. And I'm sure both of you ARE beautiful people. Beauty shines from the inside out and he sounds full of it and so do you. Glad u have and appreciate each other.
PS I don't think Botox, fillers, fake tans and drawn on slug eyebrows, skinniness etc etc etc are beautiful.
A lovely shiny happy smiling face and caring heart is beautiful

MummyofTw0 · 03/10/2024 23:10

Marriage goals

Toptops · 03/10/2024 23:31

Happy post!

Scorchio84 · 03/10/2024 23:42

That's lovely, I love hearing little snippets like this, it gives me hope

On a very different note but along the same lines so bear with me, I've had Gastro all week & it's been deeply unpleasant but when my OH could be here (we don't live together) he's cleaned up after I missed my sick bowl, rubbed my back, took my dressing gown off when I had massive hot flushes while vomiting & running around like a blue arsed fly for me, trying to tempt me with ice cream for my throat & making soup & just being here with me despite my moans & groans

Yours is obviously a wholly nicer anecdote @pollyglot so thanks for sharing it & it does go to show that there are nice men in the world x

SapphireSeptember · 04/10/2024 02:11

pollyglot · 02/10/2024 23:18

What a sample of my babies?

(Ahem) Not waiting to be asked, like Mary Bennet at her piano....

The quayside at the Pool of London from where their transport, HMS Arabella was to depart was filled with a crush of humanity. The blue coats of the Royal Artillery and the bright scarlet of the 65th Regiment of Foot created a cheerful picture, not reflected in the faces of the men themselves. Nor in most of the women, whose tear-streaked cheeks indicated that they had not been selected by the ballot to accompany their men on the voyage. The names of the fortunate ten per cent of wives who were permitted to sail were announced this very morning, thereby preventing any last-minute desertion. The wretched women whose husbands were to depart alone embraced their men, weeping in despair. To their skirts clung children, wailing in fear at the general air of misery. Just as Ellen had done, so many years before, they had travelled with hope to the port of departure. And just as Ellen, again, they had to return to their homes or to the villages of their relatives who might support them through the anxious separation, and very possible bereavement. They knew well the toll that overseas posting took on the soldiers. And for many of the women, without family or friends, the separation meant penury, starvation or death.

The fortunate women, carrying babies, bags and boxes, small cages with cackling chickens, even cages containing a cat, climbed the gangplank with joyful steps. Whatever hardship their men would face, they would face also. Some of them appeared to be at an alarmingly late stage of pregnancy, and Susanna wondered however they would survive a difficult birth on board, should such an event occur. Others were evidently the poorest of the poor, mothers with small children clad in thin, ragged clothing, with almost no baggage. What would be their fate during the winter in Newfoundland? How would they survive the conditions with so little protection from the cold? Just now, though, the winter was something abstract, not a reality. They had no concept of the extreme conditions. They believed simply that they were the lucky ones who were accompanying their men. For them, what could ever go wrong when they had their protector?

The loading of the consigned goods now being completed, HMS Arabella was ready to sail on the next tide. The men voyaging without their wives and children leaned as far as possible over the ship’s side, clinging to their wives’ hands for as long as they were able. The women wept profusely, and even the stoic men were seen to be wiping their eyes. Many would never meet again. The fortunate ones watched from the deck as the ship slipped out on the sunset tide, bound for the west and who knew what, all in the name of duty.

Definitely want to read that book! 😊 Love historical fiction.

Queenpetlover · 04/10/2024 02:17

Love this I have a wonderful dp who I've been with 7 years he rescued me from a awful long 10 year domestic violence marriage he's always loving and kind to me when when I have bad days due to trauma from past I love this thread

MonsteraMama · 04/10/2024 02:28

Lots of people just now learning that the planet has two halves.

Happy for you OP, I'm blessed with one of the good'uns too (and contrary to the earlier utter joy sponge @DonnaBanana he's been this lovely consistently since I met him at 15 so it certainly isn't anything to do with him just not being able to do better than me anymore!)

pollyglot · 04/10/2024 02:42

pollyglot · 02/10/2024 23:18
What a sample of my babies?

(Ahem) Not waiting to be asked, like Mary Bennet at her piano...

The quayside at the Pool of London from where their transport, HMS Arabella was to depart was filled with a crush of humanity. The blue coats of the Royal Artillery and the bright scarlet of the 65th Regiment of Foot created a cheerful picture, not reflected in the faces of the men themselves. Nor in most of the women, whose tear-streaked cheeks indicated that they had not been selected by the ballot to accompany their men on the voyage. The names of the fortunate ten per cent of wives who were permitted to sail were announced this very morning, thereby preventing any last-minute desertion. The wretched women whose husbands were to depart alone embraced their men, weeping in despair. To their skirts clung children, wailing in fear at the general air of misery. Just as Ellen had done, so many years before, they had travelled with hope to the port of departure. And just as Ellen, again, they had to return to their homes or to the villages of their relatives who might support them through the anxious separation, and very possible bereavement. They knew well the toll that overseas posting took on the soldiers. And for many of the women, without family or friends, the separation meant penury, starvation or death.
The fortunate women, carrying babies, bags and boxes, small cages with cackling chickens, even cages containing a cat, climbed the gangplank with joyful steps. Whatever hardship their men would face, they would face also. Some of them appeared to be at an alarmingly late stage of pregnancy, and Susanna wondered however they would survive a difficult birth on board, should such an event occur. Others were evidently the poorest of the poor, mothers with small children clad in thin, ragged clothing, with almost no baggage. What would be their fate during the winter in Newfoundland? How would they survive the conditions with so little protection from the cold? Just now, though, the winter was something abstract, not a reality. They had no concept of the extreme conditions. They believed simply that they were the lucky ones who were accompanying their men. For them, what could ever go wrong when they had their protector?
The loading of the consigned goods now being completed, HMS Arabella was ready to sail on the next tide. The men voyaging without their wives and children leaned as far as possible over the ship’s side, clinging to their wives’ hands for as long as they were able. The women wept profusely, and even the stoic men were seen to be wiping their eyes. Many would never meet again. The fortunate ones watched from the deck as the ship slipped out on the sunset tide, bound for the west and who knew what, all in the name of duty.

Definitely want to read that book! 😊 Love historical fiction.

Thing is, @SapphireSeptember, it's not historical fiction! It's the true story of my 4x gt grandmother, Susanna Fearnley, from Yorkshire, who went to America with her husband during the Revolution. It's the story, really, of all the military wives and children who have no voice in the records. They are simply colateral damage in the pursuit of Empire. Nameless, voiceless, innocent victims. Such tragedy, such a waste.

such as this:

There had also been a birth, a tiny premature baby, born during the same terrifying storm. The mother had laboured for days on the wooden deck of the married men’s mess, the only privacy being a screen of shawls and blankets held aloft by the other women. It did not deaden her agonised screams. Too weak to cope with the torture of an obstructed birth and the force of the storm which struck as the mother’s strength had all but gone, the young woman had died of exhaustion following the delivery of a stillborn female child. The military surgeon had no training in childbirth, and Ellen and Susanna, together with several of the other experienced mothers, had done their best to help the girl. Ellen’s skills, learned by aiding her sisters’ births and the techniques used by Dr Hey, were of no use. She was beyond help. The girl’s husband had been inconsolable, and despite his military discipline would have followed her body into the sea, had he not been restrained by his comrades.

There had been another birth, easy and successful, in the married quarters. The mother was a sturdy woman in her late thirties, who had already given birth to ten children, of whom four were living. The father was unconcerned about his wife’s labour and did not even raise his eyes from his hand of cards when told that he had another son. Let the women get on with it, it’s what they were there for. The old soldiers, veterans of many campaigns, were inured to pain and hardship, their own and others’. The 65th Regiment of Foot had served abroad in the West Indies during the Seven Years’ War, and this doughty woman had borne two live children and miscarried a third in the five years she had spent with the regiment in that fever- and mosquito-ridden, benighted part of the world. Neither of the two children born alive and healthy had seen their second birthday.
Susanna had wondered at the conditions these brave women accepted as the price of not being separated from their men. The hours spent in assisting the doomed girl in her labour in the overpoweringly fetid air in the cramped married men’s mess, where whole families lived and involuntarily shared the most intimate moments of their lives, had opened a whole new world of understanding for her. The smell of unwashed human bodies, the wailing of small babies, the muffled sounds of marital intimacy, the occasional unrestrained quarrel; these all combined to create something resembling a scene from hell. Yet, it was the fabric from which Britain’s emerging greatness was created. These people, and especially the stalwart women, lived, endured, overcame, and built one of the greatest empires ever known.

OP posts:
FruitFlyPie · 04/10/2024 02:59

That's lovely OP. I've always wanted someone to say they are proud of me. It's a compliment I'd love to receive.

I asked my h to consider giving me a compliment from time to time and he said he won't be doing that because he "wouldn't want to lie". That's what the rest of us are dealing with.

whatkatydid2014 · 04/10/2024 03:06

He sounds fab OP. My OH is lovely too. He has always supported and encouraged me in pursuing my work & interests and he’s often told me he feels lucky to have me. I think I’m lucky to have him too. Building a real partnership with someone and having each other’s interests at heart is great. It doesn’t mean you are perfect or you never disagree but it means you have a really solid basis for your relationship that really helps with getting though the hard bits of life together.

SD1978 · 04/10/2024 03:44

Given Mumsnet had membership all over the world.....spring has indeed sprung for quite a few of us. That being the only comment you can make and choose to make on a 75 yr old woman being happy is pretty sad for you......scroll on instead of nitpicking, it's pathetic.

LunaNorth · 04/10/2024 03:50

DonnaBanana · 02/10/2024 22:35

It’s very nice. It’s a lot easier for older men to be romantic once they give up their youthful male ego and realise they haven’t got a chance to get anyone else anymore so will be nicer to you

Jesus.

JustJoinedRightNow · 04/10/2024 03:53

Laughing at all the people who can't understand it's spring in some parts of the world.
Lovely post OP.