To wish neighbour would stop letting their child on my drive?

[SillyBear1]

Hi - very lighthearted in the grand scheme of things but annoying to me nonetheless!

We live in a detached house. We have a large front area of grass outside our living room window which is ours and we’ve worked on with edging, decorative stones, small shrubs around the outside etc. It extends down to the street footpath and beyond that is the road.
Next to that on one side is our drive. On the other side is a path that leads to a neighbour’s garden gate and on the other side of that, their bits of a ‘block’ of parking spaces for a very small terrace.

Neighbour has a child about 2 who frequently runs all over our front garden and around our drive. This is usually when she’s putting him into the car as, instead of carrying him from the house to the car (as I do with my similar aged child) she seems to stay finishing up in the house, whilst the front door is open and he runs off.
He usually runs from their door, across our front garden and onto our drive. It usually results in, Benny Hill esque, her running around our drive/cars trying to retrieve him as he runs off more.

We’ve had solar lights broken as one occasion he ran onto our garden and started pulling them out and the decorative stones get scattered most times.
Today, I get a notification that someone is at our door, checked it to see his gran and him are stood right up on our drive, practically at our front door.
He’s wanting to see the Halloween decorations we’ve started putting up (early I know, do it for fun for my own children!) Instead of removing him, to look from the path, as I absolutely don’t mind people doing and everyone is usually very respectful every year, she then lifts him up, nearly bumping him off my car in the process and standing nigh on top of my car, pointing things out to him which went on for ages before they left.

This is happening so many times now - I absolutely appreciate toddlers are fast and opportunistic (!) but I don’t think there’s too young an age to teach not wandering onto people’s property or take measures to stop it happening after the first few times!

If she happens to pull up on an evening and we’re also there getting ours out, she carries him out and into the house then.

Aside from the annoyance to me, I’m also worried he’s going to get hurt from the road or as our drive has a step on it he could easily fall on; the other day, our Ring captured him getting right across our drive, nearly onto next door’s the other way, whilst you can hear her asking where he’s gone. We both have big cars you can’t see past from her house.

Can you/would you say something to her - I don’t want to be a ‘nasty’ neighbour as I know how toddlers are but equally, it’s not somewhere I want children running about on or to feel responsible if he hurts himself?

Unfortunately I can only see two choices! Say something, or live with it! It’s pretty inconsiderate of her, sometimes people are in a rush and don’t think. Having seen you out there and you not saying anything (and her not apologising at the time), she probably thinks you don’t mind.

Can you put a fence up?

That would annoy me and I wouldn't tolerate it.
I would be asking them not to and putting up a fence.
Your garden is not a play ground.
It is rude of her.

@Alicana Oh absolutely it will have to be one or the other - I just hate confrontation and don’t want to come off as a tw@t!
I totally understand being in a rush, the doorbell has probably caught me giving a despairing face or two in the morning or dropping things when I’ve tried to carry too much as well as toddler but this is happening nearly every day now.

@TickingAlongNicely That’s an idea, maybe a small one that makes the point but isn’t too unwelcoming

Well letting him loose isn't safe, but I wouldn't get het up about him running on my driveway, or wanting to look at our halloween decorations.

Well yes, fence seems the obvious choice. She’s unreasonable though, no one should be on anyone’s front garden/drive in this manner.

It is very annoying, especially if the child is breaking stuff.

I wouldn't feel guilty if the child fell off your step, that is 100% down to the parent to manage. I guess the step was in situ before the child came along.

Can you put up some low picket style fencing?
You shouldn't have to, but it might help.

But really, you need to address it with the parent and say that the child has set the ring doorbell off a few times when he is running across your drive/garden and you are concerned that you might not see the child if he is running across your drive when you pull on. The fact that he is getting close enough to set your ring off might surprise them.

Spikey shrubs or sprinklers....

@Deadringer That’s more what I’m worried about, that he’ll fall on the step (I did this myself when pregnant) or run into the road at the wrong time whilst she seems oblivious.

I love seeing children happy from the Halloween decorations, it’s become a yearly thing and they always stop with their parents at the end of the drive, on the path to look. I just don’t think it’s okay to stand right at someone’s front door to do so 🙈

It's a 2 year old toddler.

Why not try to be friends with the neighbours? There's no reason to be so uptight.

@SillyBear1 did you see him break the lights and scatter the stones? Tell them. If grandma is bringing him right up to the door, either they need to telling or you have to pay for a fence, which isn’t right at all. Just be straight with them.

Motion sensor sprinkler or motion sensor squawker noise- if asked, say you've been having issues with cats/seagulls and its to scare them off!

@FasterMichelin Not uptight at all IMO to not want children to break other people’s things on their property. I don’t allow my own toddler to do it because it’s not ours or risk her getting ran over.

We’re cordial with them hence me saying I don’t want to be horrible if I was to say something and wondering how you mention it in a polite way.

@EmeraldRoulette Yes, he’s on the Ring pulling it out whilst she then eventually dashes over and pulls it out of his hands, hastily trying to put it back into the ground.
It’s getting nearly everyday that we’re getting notifications of him.

Off to look at some fence ideas!

As I say, I have a very similar aged child myself and know they do silly things and run FAST but I would be taking steps to prevent it if it was happening so frequently if it was my child.

I have a 2.5y old and she is not running around at neighbours gardens/driveways. I would have a chat with the mum and if things don't change then put up a fence.

Can you invite them round for a play date OP, to break the ice?

I’d probably let it go, but also feel no sense of responsibility either.

It is shitty parenting @SillyBear1, you are right to be annoyed- but people like that are oblivious that they are raising another little brat sadly. If he hurts himself that’s their lookout. They clearly aren’t bothered so why should you be!

If they actually damage anything else then I’d say something, otherwise I’d just make a mental note to not let the kids be friends in future. They are the wrong sort.

I live in a semi with long front gardens and lots of large trees and paths ways at the front of our house (forest edge). My two sons (under 10) like to do a secret route between our house and the neighbours when we walk home about once a week.It takes about 4 seconds to walk between the gardens.
To be fair the postal and delivery workers do the same rather than walk back up each garden.

We get on with our neighbours well but I still checked whether they minded the boys walking that way as I could absolutely understand if they'd prefer for them not to.

What you have described would annoy me as it seems like a lack of consideration for your property and space particularly the lack of any acknowledgement on her side.

Is that a ‘thing’? Putting Halloween decorations up this early? (… sorry missing point of the thread…YANBU to be annoyed. Go with the fence suggestion).

You've never said anything.

So she thinks you don't mind.

If it bothers you - you need to speak up. Otherwise nothing will change. Except in a few years he will be panting football on your lawn.

You don't have your be a nasty neighbour - just say you'd rather he didn't run about your garden - things are getting broken and trampled on etc. please stop it.

FGS put up a fence. Who cares if it’s unwelcoming? You’re not welcoming them in. They are trespassing and bloody rude. I’d be putting up a fence pronto.

The toddler isn't the issue - it's the grown ups. They don't respect your boundary and are not teaching their child to either. They are walking all over your garden and aren't supervising him in a way to keep him off it.

Will he still be walking through your front garden when he is 12?

Personally, I'd be putting up a fence.

@Screamingabdabz Oh I’m well aware I’m absolutely in the minority and BU with the decorations right now 😂, just wanted to bring a bit of silly fun as I‘ve had a rubbish few months.

@TheRealKatnissEverdeen That’s considerate and I would probably mind less if she did that or seemed to have some self awareness of how frequently it’s happening and it’s directly linked to her leaving the front door open, then letting him run out unsupervised. I don’t even let my dogs go near people’s house fronts/drives in case they start sniffing and toilet!
I get these things happen; kids will be kids and explore but after the first few times you’d hope she’d start carrying him out or something.

@MinervaMcGonagallsCat Thank you. Definitely may have to say something, I suppose I have more tact than DH!

I understand your frustration.

i think you need a friendly ‘word’ next time they are close to the front door, open it and say something like, “Oh, I thought I had visitors!” Very PA but might make them think.

I would also remove temptation - move the Halloween decs to somewhere where he can’t see them, even into your back garden. If he breaks anything more I would be more direct, point out the damage, ask for them to supervise him far more closely and if it continues give them the replacement bill.

Definitely going to look into fence options around the stone edging! Could do without the expense but may be the only thing to do the job!

I think today just really took the biscuit - openly standing on my drive for ages, at my front door and nearly bumping my car. I’d be absolutely mortified what they’d think of me if it was me. If DH hadn’t been driving when it came through, me as passenger, I think he’d have said something PA through it.