To wish neighbour would stop letting their child on my drive?

[SillyBear1]

Hi - very lighthearted in the grand scheme of things but annoying to me nonetheless!

We live in a detached house. We have a large front area of grass outside our living room window which is ours and we’ve worked on with edging, decorative stones, small shrubs around the outside etc. It extends down to the street footpath and beyond that is the road.
Next to that on one side is our drive. On the other side is a path that leads to a neighbour’s garden gate and on the other side of that, their bits of a ‘block’ of parking spaces for a very small terrace.

Neighbour has a child about 2 who frequently runs all over our front garden and around our drive. This is usually when she’s putting him into the car as, instead of carrying him from the house to the car (as I do with my similar aged child) she seems to stay finishing up in the house, whilst the front door is open and he runs off.
He usually runs from their door, across our front garden and onto our drive. It usually results in, Benny Hill esque, her running around our drive/cars trying to retrieve him as he runs off more.

We’ve had solar lights broken as one occasion he ran onto our garden and started pulling them out and the decorative stones get scattered most times.
Today, I get a notification that someone is at our door, checked it to see his gran and him are stood right up on our drive, practically at our front door.
He’s wanting to see the Halloween decorations we’ve started putting up (early I know, do it for fun for my own children!) Instead of removing him, to look from the path, as I absolutely don’t mind people doing and everyone is usually very respectful every year, she then lifts him up, nearly bumping him off my car in the process and standing nigh on top of my car, pointing things out to him which went on for ages before they left.

This is happening so many times now - I absolutely appreciate toddlers are fast and opportunistic (!) but I don’t think there’s too young an age to teach not wandering onto people’s property or take measures to stop it happening after the first few times!

If she happens to pull up on an evening and we’re also there getting ours out, she carries him out and into the house then.

Aside from the annoyance to me, I’m also worried he’s going to get hurt from the road or as our drive has a step on it he could easily fall on; the other day, our Ring captured him getting right across our drive, nearly onto next door’s the other way, whilst you can hear her asking where he’s gone. We both have big cars you can’t see past from her house.

Can you/would you say something to her - I don’t want to be a ‘nasty’ neighbour as I know how toddlers are but equally, it’s not somewhere I want children running about on or to feel responsible if he hurts himself?

@Tinybirdie You can be proceeded against criminally for your young child getting out of your house and going walking about the street alone - it comes under Child Neglect. He’s at risk of hurting himself - if being concerned about that is joyless, I’ll take it.

Joyless me also wouldn’t be decorating for Halloween which naturally invites children to look (albeit from the path where you have a better view anyway than from my front door!)
He doesn’t know any better - I’m not annoyed at him, I’m wanting his parents to stop him.
It’s also not just a brief, occasional run onto my drive, it’s very frequent, has resulted in damage and usually involves him and his mum running around and getting very close to our cars.

Yes, OP could bake some cakes for them as well🙄 It doesn’t matter how old the child is, the parents should be supervising and being respectful of someone else’s property.

I think this is the better solution. Clearly they are invading your space but that only matters if it feels invasive? If you and the toddler were on first name terms, parents were chatty etc would it feel different?
It's how communities work.

I’d definitely put a fence up to stop this happening. I’d be fuming about the child breaking the lights and keep running into the garden. Not so much with the toddler, but with the parents for letting it happen.Typical lax parenting, letting their little darling run around wherever they want, however annoying it is to everyone else. Get a fence asap!

Hmm, how insightful, although someone’s drive and garden, isn’t part of the community.

I’m all for communities I grew up in a country with very strong community ties. Not having boundaries and allowing unsupervised toddlers to trample your garden and break your solar lights etc, isn’t ‘community’.

Think the ‘you are being unreasonable’ posters are the gentle’ crunchy mums brigade @SillyBear1 , the type that expect everyone to endure their children being destructive and annoying rather than parent them.

I also have my Halloween decorations up early too, this year has been pants, and needed the spooky festive cheer!

She thinks you don't mind. YOu need to tell her you do.

This is exactly the sort of behaviour that results in a little kid stepping into the road and being killed. Each time he runs off and she's not paying attention, she is further bolstered in assuming he is safe, he's only gone on your drive, he's not far, nothing will happen..

Until the day he does go a bit further... she's a little longer than she realised... and he's wandered into a main road or behind a vehicle reversing into a driveway.

Not idle conjecture or a wild imagination, I am referring real incidences (several), all of which ended in dead children.

Genuinely - even if I was close to the neighbours and child, I still wouldn’t want them at my front door, on my front and running around my car, risking scratching it. My home is my space where I can relax, it feels invasive someone entering it when I haven’t invited them.
I know them to say hello to, I know their names and have had brief chats with in passing, I like it that way.
If you know your child runs off and goes onto someone else’s property, you’d start taking steps to stop them. You have to pick your child up to put them into the car seat anyway.

@ThomasPatrickKeatingsDegas I sadly do think we’re getting to a point where people excuse undesirable behaviour because of a child’s age. I just don’t get how children learn if we always make excuses for them and they’re never too young to start introducing age appropriately explained boundaries IMO. I’m drawing a loose link here as I have dogs, but it’s like training dogs. The sooner you train the puppy, the easier it will be. If you leave it as they age, they become set in their ways and problems are harder to correct.
You enjoy your decorations!

@WiddlinDiddlin On Sunday the doorbell notification starts with the dad closing their car door. At this point the little boy is across the grass, the first half of our drive behind my car, trying to navigate himself down the step, nearly behind DH’s car. All the dad does is call his name once then disappears from view to the house.
Little boy then gets to the next patch of grass on the other side of our drive which is part shared between us and next detached neighbours (who we get on really well with for community purposes 😂). He’s got this far and his mum is just at the end of their drive, asking where he’s gone as he can’t be seen.
He then runs back behind DH’s car whilst she comes storming up our drive; he sees her coming and starts running off so she brushes DH’s car running after him.
Sorry for the stalker sounding blow by blow account - just to illustrate that he moves far too quickly for them and they’re not on it straight away so he very sadly could get hurt.

Next time she picks him up and points things out open the door and ask if she forgot to actually ring the bell and needs something. Should make the point without being rude that she needs to not be there setting of the sensors.

I live in terrace house, the pavement is 5 steps from the front door (maybe two wheelh bin widths). My toddler has tried to go in neighbours yards. Every time I tell him no that’s not our house and we don’t go in other peoples property. Except tonight I didn’t, because he stepped in to next doors yard and stopped at the blue bin and garbled something which reminded me to put the bins out. So he helped me put that neighbours bin out (don’t usually do), then mine then the other next door neighbours (always do if she doesn’t get to them before me). No gate and no fence isn’t an invitation to go in a neighbours property for no good reason.

I wouldn't bother with a fence.
The child will climb on it.
Hang on it, swing from it.
Generally you'll be providing a new source of entertainment.
This was my experience.

@Onceuponatimeinalandfaraway I wish we’d been home but we were out unfortunately!

It shows his gran holding his hand and walking him up our drive on the empty side. So I don’t even know if this was her encouraging him onto the drive as it seems more sedate than his usual sprint!
He says about Halloween and then she encourages this and starts pointing at things whilst they're all the way up the drive, at my front door. She then picks him up, nearly hitting his feet off my car as they’re stood that close to it by now, and starts pointing out more things and telling him to look. They stand there for a while, then she carries him off to stand by the grass.

I promise I do have a life and don’t just sit watching my doorbell and I absolutely don’t mind people looking at my decorations, just not on my drive 😂 (when it’s not the first time!)

@Havingaswimmoose New worry ignited now! Sorry you still couldn’t manage to find some decency within them for your property! Did you do anything else?

If it was just a bit of running around I wouldn't mind - but this is a case of bad parenting isn't it? I'd say something, the parents probably need to get some feedback regarding this.

Kind of family that will let their children run around a restaurant because it's 'cute' 🙄

@GingerMaineCoon Agreed - I’m not an ogre - I have 2 myself so I know how kids can absolutely cause early grey hairs and be a law unto themselves! That’s where our job as parents come in, to guide them as to what’s right and wrong.
I sound like a silly person sometimes walking the dogs as I’ll move them away from others’ fronts and tell them to get away from someone’s grass as it’s not ours 😂.

I am also admittedly VERY risk aware, far more than your average person due to the types of jobs I’ve done but, even without that, common respect tells you it’s a no surely?

Say something or get a fence.

I think so but you'd be surprised! I was at a baby class a couple of weeks ago and some mother let her baby climb up onto a table where books were being presented, and I joke you not, she sat and smiled as this baby clambered all over the books, knocking them off the table etc while the staff tried to clear it all up.

My husband caught my face, looked over then joined in with "Yep, we won't ever let our daughter do that!"

When s/he runs over and you're outside you could loudly direct her/him back, "Sam, go back in, it's safer off the drive". Tell the parents, "I'm worried I'll be on the drive and hit Sam as s/hes getting used to running on it". Focus on the safety aspect as it's the real issue here.

Say on repeat if need be until they get the message.

If it's the grandmother too, it seems fairly lax caregiving and respect for property all around. I walk with my 2 toddlers and occasionally have to loudly tell them that we don't go on other people's property. It's for reasons like triggering ring cameras or accidentally moving rocks or damaging plants which is all just annoying. It can also be safety, eg, I weed sprayed my front lawn a few days ago so wouldn't have wanted random toddlers touching it and ingesting chemicals.

I'd agree with trying answering the door every time and assuming they want something.

Well in the end we moved.
Away from the area.

My children and the neighbours children were similar ages.

I didn't want my own children to be influenced by becoming friends with the out of control children.
Especially looking ahead to when they all became teens.

Sorry to not have a more helpful solution.

Put a fence up - complaining too soon.

I would put signs up that say 'you are being watched-CCTV in operation' or whatever it is they say, might be enough.
If not definitely a fence.

Yeah, CCTV of a child playing is number one police priority... 🙄

This should do the trick…
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Barbed-Galvanised-Steel-1-6mm-1-5mm/dp/B01C8PHS4K/ref=sxin_15_pa_sp_search_thematic_sspa?content-id=amzn1.sym.6906c541-6eee-4c10-bc19-17299b9d5015%3Aamzn1.sym.6906c541-6eee-4c10-bc19-17299b9d5015&crid=MY3O7DE9LG4R&cv_ct_cx=Barbed+wire&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.u0gt9ye4drgczPv0jTtWSik_7MDW7DqKwsCANw-sTF7Z-0Oo8kXcDcN_6LL8H1fAu62XYvpO20mOKoSZCbK4ug.rxwVSVWZtrAg9iqGR3xh0CRppQ4Op-oALtd_MiVO--8&dib_tag=se&keywords=Barbed+wire&pd_rd_i=B01C8PHS4K&pd_rd_r=8e169cb4-34d6-48e5-bb6e-78e2bfd87451&pd_rd_w=J4jcl&pd_rd_wg=lDXeh&pf_rd_p=6906c541-6eee-4c10-bc19-17299b9d5015&pf_rd_r=J3V6F74HKK0WZ2FVC2CG&qid=1727922392&sbo=RZvfv%2F%2FHxDF%2BO5021pAnSA%3D%3D&sprefix=barbed+wire%2Caps%2C85&sr=1-2-ad3222ed-9545-4dc8-8dd8-6b2cb5278509-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9zZWFyY2hfdGhlbWF0aWM&psc=1

This is what I would do too.

yes, this sound like just the sort of family you want to invite into your life!

Put a fence up and don't worry if it's unwelcoming. That's the whole point- they aren't welcome to just wander all over your garden and driveway.