To think it is ok to go away with an ex (if you have kids)

[Goingtobeslatted]

I was concerned by a recent post where people were slating someone’s partner because he still goes away with his ex and their children. Everyone was saying LTB he must be cheating etc.

But in real life surely it’s ok, especially if you have young children?

My husband and I have split but want to stay amicable and in the children’s lives as much as possible. I can assure you I in no way want to get back with him and he feels the same (he instigated it).

But, our children are young and very different in ages and interests so 2 adults is easier for things like theme parks and some holidays (no family to help as parents are passed and only child). Also we don’t want to miss events like first ski trips just because we aren’t ‘in love’ any more. We even plan to do Xmas day together!

If you let your partner holidays with friends why on earth not exes?! Im not saying all holiday with an ex just some and as the children get older it will probably tail off.

Surely any jealous on the part of a new partner is their issue

name chase in anticipation of being ridiculed 😀

My husband's parents split up when he was in his teens and did amicable family days for over 20 years until fil died. He hated it, much preferred seeing them apart, seeing them together made him tense and brought back unhappy memories. He never told them though

Same. We did days out, holidays, still helped each other out with all sorts, hung out
The kids have said how easy and positive we made it and it meant they've had no anxiety about it.
I know I would have liked it when I was a child. Instead of wishing they could get on at least, and still have family times.

Crazy talk. Your kids’ minds will be all over the place with this. They’re kids!! Not rational adults - even some adults would find this confusing.
Stop being ridiculous. You need boundaries for the children’s sake. Grow up.

My kids have loved and appreciated it, exDP and I are best mates. You do what works for you. Ignore the negative ones on here, they either have shit exes or are jealous of good ex relationships and are getting defensive.

A former boss of mine went on holidays with his ex and their children. I remember thinking it was so nice that they got on as friends and were able to do this. (It wasn’t the only thing they still did together, they really seemed to be friends, it just hadn’t worked out as a relationship).
If you and your ex think you can do this, go for it.

I think it's fine.

I'm very amicable with my sons dad. But would I want to be with him all the time ( if we weren't with other people) HELL NO. And how would it have been to DSs advantage if we had staged together " for him"

If it's fine for you it's fine.

this is reason 2 why i won't.
I can handle him for a day out when we're buying food and not having to do domestic things.. but i know the moment i'm sharing domestic space with him again, the same issues that made me leave him (him being controlling, mean, and a martyr to doing anything he thinks is my job) would just start up again.

OP- you clearly still want to be with this person. As a SM/ 2nd wife who has navigated this situation for 10 years- birthdays, Xmas, school events etc- YES Holidays- NO.
in fact I’ve been to a few school events with my DH ex wife when he has been away working. A few where we have gone together.
Also occasions where I take a step back and it’s more appropriate for just Mum and Dad to go.
a holiday would be a big NO from me.
The kids come first, but there has to be boundaries for everyone
it sounds as though you haven’t met anyone else. Have you thought about their feelings if they did?
a harder Q for you (I’m assuming) how would you feel if your ex met someone else???

There is nothing at all to suggest that OP clearly wants to be with her ex. It is possible for two people who share children to want to experience things together, and have the convenience of not parenting alone, without it meaning they still fancy each other.

You sound like you are projecting your own jealousy over the ex, not commenting on the OP.

Why do you think possible future partners should be considered over the wishes of two existing adults and their children? Even if new partners did exist, they are not the priority for good parents who put their children first.

Massively disrespectful to your current partner. Probably ok if you're single.

Flip the script. Would you be bothered, no matter how many years ago they parted ways if your boyfriend/husband said "honey, I'm going on holiday with Julie for a few weeks. We're taking the kids"

You'd be PISSED!

I wouldn't care.

I don’t suggest future partners should come before children- in my post I said the children should come first- it would be very wrong to mr if they didn’t.
no jealousy over the ex here. I respect her as mother of my DH children and am glad we have a relationship where we can all talk about the kids and any issues or concerns with them. She also has a partner and we all get on fine. My DH and his ex do a great job of co parenting.
but to me holidays would be over stepping the mark. Would be confusing for the kids also.

I think if you want to do this you have to be very careful about confusing the children. I've seen the impact in real life, although I concede that particular situation is one in which it wasn't amicable or even vaguely healthy even while the parents were doing things together "as a family".

I think overall, a friendly and amicable co-parenting arrangement should absolutely be the goal, but the lines can be very blurry, especially for children.

There is an intimacy to being parents that I think will also always make this sort of thing a bit trickier.

This is such a strange comment. Spending a week together with someone you are friends with versus being fully intertwined with somebody with all the many expectations of a relationship when you just want to be alone.
I just can't think of the difference 😂

Days out, yes. Holidays, no. It's unnecessary and causes confusion for the children because it will invariably end when a new partner comes on the scene.

No it doesn't always end hence the OP and many of the posts replying.