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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have another child simply because…

55 replies

herh · 01/10/2024 19:22

I can’t be arsed? Dd is 3. I’ve found it relatively easy, mostly enjoyable and think I’m pretty ok at parenting. We have enough money. Lots of support. DP can’t understand why I don’t want a second, he would have another but also isn’t pushing for it in a big way. I am almost 38 so don’t have much time to change my mind.

I just can’t be arsed, basically. It was lovely and fun when she was tiny and I do miss those moments, the tiny baby months etc. but I can’t be arsed doing it again. DP thinks this is an odd reason. Am I alone in this?! Will I regret it?!

OP posts:
YouveGotAFastCar · 01/10/2024 19:23

No, plenty of people are one and done. You are. It sounds like you’ve enjoyed it but have no urge to do it again, and that’s absolutely fine. There’s no obligation to, and I’m sure it’d all feel a lot harder the second time around if you don’t really want it.

MeMyCatsAndI · 01/10/2024 19:23

Nope, I can't be arsed to have more kids. The idea of sleepless nights, poonamis, toddler strops, ugh no thank you I'd rather have my sleep. Grin

BunsenBurnerBaby · 01/10/2024 19:25

CBA is the best reason to not have any more. It’s your internal systems saying you are done. Listen to it.

ChesterCats · 01/10/2024 19:25

I get it. I had two but the idea of doing it again makes me want to go and lie down! Little kids are lovely but boring AF!

Gettingbysomehow · 01/10/2024 19:25

I only had one as I couldn't afford 2 on my own. I've never regretted it. DS who is nowc41 has never expressed a wish for a sibling and we are very happy.
Imagine if I'd had another and they were severely disabled or whatever or a high needs baby. I would have had to kiss goodbye to my career.

Daisymae55 · 01/10/2024 19:26

Honestly I totally agree with you. Plus the thought of sleepless nights, weaning, potty training, making formula again would be more than enough to put me off if I wasn’t already totally happy just having 1

LiveLaughGoblin · 01/10/2024 19:27

I feel very similar. I miss a few elements of the baby stage but overall I’m relieved to be done with it!

I’m also influenced by having one sibling who is very unpleasant and I rarely see, and another who is 11 years younger so I’m just not that close with. We get on fine, but I went off to uni when he was still quite young.

rosyandjap · 01/10/2024 19:27

You don't need anyone to tell you you're done, you know deep down if you are.
The only thing that I think really helps having a sibling for is when parents get elderly and need care however a supportive partner can be just as much use for the adult child in that situation.
Also people will say the grandchildren have no cousins as a result, but the grandchildren's other parent may have siblings and thus there will be cousins.
Just do whatever you want to do.

StormingNorman · 01/10/2024 19:28

Sounds like the perfect reason not to have another one.

scandiva · 01/10/2024 19:28

Same OP. It's everything, the sleep deprivation, potty training, toddler madness, separation anxiety, the money, the stress.

dd is the best thing that ever happened to me but I don't want to do all those firsts again.

Blessedbunny · 01/10/2024 19:30

Sounds absolutely fine. Listen to your gut, always! Enjoy

Marblesbackagain · 01/10/2024 19:32

You know your head, fair play that isn't always a given.

Your body, your choice and tell dh to button it.

MarchInHappiness · 01/10/2024 19:33

We stopped at one for effectively that reason, we loved our daughter to bits but had no desire to go through the early years again. It was a difficult birth, DD wasnt a sleeper and developmentally she struggled. Our financial circumstances didnt help matters (DH was self employed and SMP was limit in those days) but we could have made it work if we really wanted too.

Original poster
herh · 01/10/2024 19:33

I think in an ideal world if I could know I would have an easy pregnancy and birth, and then have paid help for a huge percentage of the time I would be more keen…

but frankly although I LOVE dd so so much and know I would also love another the same, having her made me realise how much I love having spare time to think or read or just be. I know that would be wiped out with a second for a very long time and I wouldn’t get those pockets of peace that I get by only having one

OP posts:
NeedthatFridayfeeling · 01/10/2024 19:37

herh · 01/10/2024 19:22

I can’t be arsed? Dd is 3. I’ve found it relatively easy, mostly enjoyable and think I’m pretty ok at parenting. We have enough money. Lots of support. DP can’t understand why I don’t want a second, he would have another but also isn’t pushing for it in a big way. I am almost 38 so don’t have much time to change my mind.

I just can’t be arsed, basically. It was lovely and fun when she was tiny and I do miss those moments, the tiny baby months etc. but I can’t be arsed doing it again. DP thinks this is an odd reason. Am I alone in this?! Will I regret it?!

Nope pretty much they shame here and she's 8. Also 38 so same in that i don't have time on my side.
Things keep getting easier, she has loads friends who we have playdates with.
I do miss the baby and toddler stage, it was so cute 🥰

AudHvamm · 01/10/2024 19:42

I think I feel the same. I do get twinges of grief every now and then, and have some decent reasons for sticking to one. But in reality I know those would be overcome if I really wanted another child and like you I really value the time and space I'm getting back for myself.

I do wonder if I'd have had more children if I started younger though! Age is definitely a factor 😂

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 01/10/2024 19:47

Sounds like an excellent reason. Creating a new human life is a huge thing to do and should only happen if you really want it. You’ll never know whether your child would have been happier with a sibling or not so no point guessing.

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 01/10/2024 19:53

You have to do you, I can only speak from my experience of 2 quite close together (18 months). Another one didn’t make a great deal of difference- but at 3 you will already be getting your life back, so see how it would be difficult to go back. The primary years and tweens have been easy as they do play together- friends with singles were the entertainment for a lot longer. There are pluses and minuses, has to be what works for you!

CulturalNomad · 01/10/2024 19:55

Completely valid reason. I felt the same and have had zero regrets (my "baby" is nearly 30😂)

Having one child was the right decision for us.

WhatNoRaisins · 01/10/2024 19:57

While I had 2 my reasons for stopping were similar. Sometimes you just know that you have a limit.

HillsNValleys · 01/10/2024 19:58

Sounds sensible to me!

KnitFastDieWarm · 01/10/2024 20:00

@herh I felt exactly the same by the time DC was about 18 months (before that, i’d kind of just assumed I’d feel the urge to have more) - I enjoyed it and it was a great time in my life but I’ve done it now and don’t feel any urge to do it again. DC is 9 now and a delight, and life is a breeze 😁

LocalHobo · 01/10/2024 20:06

I love your honesty.
The only thing that I think really helps having a sibling for is when parents get elderly and need care and just to say, as fond as I am of my siblings,in my case I could make decisions regarding my DM far more easily if everything didn't had to be agreed by 3 of us.

Laura36TTC · 01/10/2024 20:11

We are one and done here by choice.

(I really should change my username)….

Yougetmoreofwhatyoufocuson · 01/10/2024 20:32

Ask your husband how he would feel if you went back to work a month after the birth and left him to it. All the night feeds, all the days and months on his own, career on hold, part time when he returns so he can fit in sick days, drop offs and pick ups. Teething, nursery viruses, potty training. Is he up for it? How about if the new baby had special needs, still ok with that? Unlikely but maybe he might get the slightest glimmer why you don’t want to jump into that rabbit hole again.
Enjoy your lovely , easy 3 year old . If you rolled the dice again you might not get a double six.