To not have another child simply because…

[herh]

I can’t be arsed? Dd is 3. I’ve found it relatively easy, mostly enjoyable and think I’m pretty ok at parenting. We have enough money. Lots of support. DP can’t understand why I don’t want a second, he would have another but also isn’t pushing for it in a big way. I am almost 38 so don’t have much time to change my mind.

I just can’t be arsed, basically. It was lovely and fun when she was tiny and I do miss those moments, the tiny baby months etc. but I can’t be arsed doing it again. DP thinks this is an odd reason. Am I alone in this?! Will I regret it?!

Oh good. A thread where the most fucking irritating phrase in the world “one and done” will appear multiple times.

Totally fair. I was one and done, didn’t think I was but turned out I very much liked being a mum of one. DD is 11 and zero regrets. She’s now absolutely brilliant company, we have fun doing stuff like eating out, shopping and extreme sports (bit weird I am). We wouldn’t have this if she had a younger sibling.

Yanbu. You should only have another baby if you actively want one.

Any reason for not wanting any more children is a good reason!

Just don’t leave things to chance if you are sure, why so many accidential births, when easy to get sorted

Ultimately your body, your choice. We have two. Although there are beautiful moments now that the older one is no longer trying to off lightly bash the younger one, and for now they seem like "best friends", it has been bloody hard (although I fully acknowledge it has been a priviledge to have any children). The first two years have been straight up survival mode parenting. We are finally beginning to spend family time together vs divide and conquer due to their completely different needs based on age/ability. Your reasons sound logical, though you should probably hear your other half out and seriously consider what he wants/meeds. If my DH hadn't listened to my demands for a second child we wouldn't have one.

Don't read the thread then?

YANBU. I felt the same. DS is 16 now and not a single regret. I was very young when he was born admittedly and my peers are currently all at the toddler/primary school age with their kids, I see them and think thank God I haven't got to do all that again!

‘I can’t be arsed’ is a perfect reason not to have another. If you’re happy with life now then absolutely don’t feel like you should have another.

YANBU OP. Pregnancy and birth is always a risky business - and if you are happy with your family as you are, then why risk it?

Unless there is a drip feed that your husband does the majority of the child caring AND that you’d previously always planned/discussed that you’d have two… then I might give it some more thought - although ultimately it’s still your body, your choice.

As it sounds though, it seems like you’ve been lucky to have had an easy time of it with your 3 year old - so why rock the boat? Your next one could be very different 🤣 (since having a child of my own and now being around more children generally, I’ve become firmly of the belief that personality/behaviour is just as much nature as nurture - and nature can be very random!)

Plus the big bonus of having an only child - having more time and money to focus on that child to their benefit. I’m firmly of the belief parents should only have more than one child if its what they really want, rather than what’s socially expected or “to give her a brother/sister”- because there’s no guarantee that siblings will get along.

Definitely a good and valid reason. I know of a few people who have had massive challenges following having a second 'just because'. The nicest one of these was one couple having twins which was literally something they never thought about and was a massive adjustment.

@herh there's no law you have to have more than one so your reasoning is sensible!

One of my best mates just had the one for exactly the same reason.

An easy first child has no correlation to another child being easy. DS1 was a mostly easy baby. Slept well. bright. Baby 2 turned out to be twins. One didnt sleep til age 3.5 and is super stubborn. The other is autistic; bright, a sweet boy but hard work.

Do what's right for you.

Honestly people go on about cousins and aunts etc. I'm not an only child but my siblings don't have kids so I'll never be an aunty and my kid has no cousins so yeah 💁 in that respect I may aswell be an only child

My daughter is 11 and I had her at 21. Now at 32 I definitely wouldn't have another one. She was a great baby and a great child but for me it's just not something I'd go back too and I don't consider myself old. My partners 42 he has a 12 year old and 4 year old and he's the same as me. Don't get me wrong if it happened we would deal with the situation and the baby would be very loved but yeah I'm with you xxxx

I'm one and done. Couldn't fathom having another.

Not odd at all! I don't want anymore either and there's a pressure from partners family. I've already got one from a previous relationship and another with current partner. I know it's selfish but I don't want anymore as much as I am enjoying this time round (10 weeks old) I would be happy to not have anymore now x

Not odd at all. I have one by choice and am very happy.

Of course YANBU!

I'm pregnant with a much, much wanted and awaited second child and have a three year old and I totally get where you are coming from! Sometimes I can't wait to do it all again and sometimes I think oh god: The night waking and tantrums and strain on relationship etc etc. Also we were just getting to a point where we could enjoy a day out with him with minimal drama. Sometimes I think we must be mad.

With me the biological urge has been so strong and also I did love the baby phase and I wasn’t ready to let go on doing it all again. But had I not had those feelings I'd have totally embraced the easier life!

The only considerations for having a child are a) do you want one b) can you provide materially and emotionally for one.

That you can’t be arsed is a totally valid reason. I was ambivalent about number two but went for it. I now have a very young baby and an easy preschooler. We’ve all had a vomiting bug for the last few days and it has been … horrendous… it was never going to be good but the second has made it so much tougher and I’m up all night too. I desperately miss the ‘me time’ (someone always wants me!) and my career is going to be a shit show when I return. Having one kid is the best life hack ever.

For me, having number two was still the best decision ever and I must be hormonal and deluded but I’m besotted by this baby and so happy we went for it when we nearly didn’t. That said, I know that I’d have been happy if we’d stopped at one too because we’d have experienced parenthood already and there’s not rationally much difference between stopping at 1 or 2 or 3 kids if you don’t feel that need to have another. If I were you I’d count myself lucky not to feel the biological pull of another!

I have two and I love it. I enjoy the chaos, mostly. But don't get me wrong, having a second child is not just having the first one twice, its bloody manic, 100 per cent of the time .

You will have a wonderful life with your lucky only child. CBA sounds like a perfect reason to stop at one to be honest and I applaud your frankness.

I only had one.
The myth that is told about forgetting the pain of labour was just that for me.
I was never going to go through that again.
I now have grandchildren, I love them dearly.
There are women my age with young children (or recently had children, VCM for eg) and good for them but personally, no thank you!

I have 2 sons. Really want to try another one for a girl. But i’m immigrant, i want to go back every year to my country which is 18 hours flight away and cost the four of us £5000 airplane tickets. And obviously we have to bring money for holiday. We go home every year, i cant imagine if i have another one another airplanes fares 😂😂

“Try for a girl” is irresponsible. 50% chance you’ll end up with an unwanted boy. The only reason to have another is if you’d still want to go ahead and get pregnant with that baby if you knew with 100% certainty that it would be a boy.

Of course i will. I’m really against abortion. Its just wishful thinking. I would love him anyway and no way my child gonna be unwanted boy. Your comment its a bit upsetting to be honest. The only reason to not trying for more kids because of money. Not because of gender!

Not being arsed is the perfect reason not to.
Listen and honour that feeling.
You won't regret it.