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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Problem with male colleague not doing what asked

80 replies

tropicalfizz · 01/10/2024 18:05

I'm new, been in my job a few months. He has been here over 10 years so I understand he has experience etc. He has moved into a higher role than he was before and this is his first time doing this role. Within my role I have to task colleagues to do things and I also have to make sure it's well documented. If I don't do this it could have extremely bad consequences on others safety. WE are in different departments but have to work together. Last week I had push back from this colleague when I asked if he could call someone . He sent me an email telling me he didn't think this was the right course of action with others copied in. My line manager backed me and told him he needs to do it and explained we need to follow the procedures we have in place to keep others safe. He said he had called the appropriate people but he didn't record this down and I don't believe he actually did it.
Today I've tasked him with something else. Instead of replying to me, he went to a colleaugue who is in my department and said something like he has been doing what I asked. This colleague asked if he had recorded it though, he said no he had not. He's now updated the system but again has ignored what I've asked and is not following what we need to do to keep others safe. It seems he thinks that he thinks what he does in his department is just his decisions and what our department asks (or just me) he will not do. My department has say over every department because we ultimately keep others safe.
Another colleague in my department tasked him to get one of our customers a referral, he has come back and basically our customer has improved and he doesnt think any further action is needed. It's not his call to make, he is not trained to make this call.
How can I deal with this kind of colleague? I'm starting to feel anxious when I email him now because I think what is he going to throw back now.

OP posts:
user1471517900 · 01/10/2024 18:11

Is being male at all relevant in this?

You just have to let your manager know if they're not following procedures. It's pretty simple. All you can do is do the correct thing.

CynicalSunni · 01/10/2024 18:13

I think the only thing you can do is keep receipts and document everything you do.
If it comes out he hasnt been doing what he says he has that's on him surely?

By all means do follow up emails and make sure you get his replies. Unless you are able to pass on your concerns to someone higher up?

MiddleClassProblem · 01/10/2024 18:14

Without being someone in your industry so may be completely wrong but I would raise all the issues with your line manager. There must be someone who above him or your line manager who can enforce he is doing the job correctly.

If he says he has done something but didn’t record it but you have that in writing then maybe archive those email chains in case anything comes back including the calls he has said he made. You can only take his word for it there unless you are allowed to make some kind of follow up call but always best to have it in writing so you have evidence of what he claims.

Tae1 · 01/10/2024 18:16

As this is a safety issue and he is not following procedure and is behaving as if established procedures and protocols do not apply to him, you email your concerns to your boss and ask for guidance.
Do not keep to yourself the fact he is not following safety protocols.
Cover your arse carefully.
I think you will need to email all requests to him and follow up with an explanation as to why protocols have not been followed.
Forward everything to your boss and ask for guidance.

KingOfPeace · 01/10/2024 18:17

Keep an email trail, escalate to your manager if or when necessary.

Do not reference his sex, it's a protective characteristic and you run the risk of looking sexist.

tropicalfizz · 01/10/2024 18:19

user1471517900 · 01/10/2024 18:11

Is being male at all relevant in this?

You just have to let your manager know if they're not following procedures. It's pretty simple. All you can do is do the correct thing.

Sorry yes I do. He is quite pally with the male colleagues. He has an air of arrogance about him because he is very good looking. I've been around men like this before and because I'm confident and can hold my own and I'm not a smile and laugh type at what he says I don't think he likes it.

OP posts:
whydoihavetowork · 01/10/2024 18:21

I would report to compliance. He poses a risk.

Unless HE is compliance in which case I don't know!

If it's safety critical whoever has ultimate safety responsibility should be chasing. And above your head I would report it so that your arse is covered. If people ignore it you have still done the right thing.

tropicalfizz · 01/10/2024 18:22

KingOfPeace · 01/10/2024 18:17

Keep an email trail, escalate to your manager if or when necessary.

Do not reference his sex, it's a protective characteristic and you run the risk of looking sexist.

No I obviously won't but wanted to put on here so people to gage what kind of person I'm dealing with. He is quite charming to others but because I've asked him to do something he doesn't want to and doesn't think applies to him then he does not like it.

OP posts:
tropicalfizz · 01/10/2024 18:24

whydoihavetowork · 01/10/2024 18:21

I would report to compliance. He poses a risk.

Unless HE is compliance in which case I don't know!

If it's safety critical whoever has ultimate safety responsibility should be chasing. And above your head I would report it so that your arse is covered. If people ignore it you have still done the right thing.

My line manager is above him and ultimately is responsible for all safety of others. I''ll raise it with my manager but I think he is going to be such a pain and put a fight up for every single thing I task him to do

OP posts:
JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 01/10/2024 18:24

I would say not only email your manager, but carefully choose your words when you do so - don't say "he did this" but use the more gender-neutral form of "they did this, they didn't do that". Protect yourself against anybody calling you out as being sexist.

Tae1 · 01/10/2024 18:34

This will ultimately be your bosses responsibility if things go wrong.
Make it clear to your boss that your sole concern at "them" not following safety procedures is that it exposes your boss.
Tell your boss you will be reporting every single breach so that he is fully informed and you will be covering your arse.
Cc your boss into all futher queries.
Confirm all conversations by email too.
Tedious and a PITA but what you have to do to cover yourself.

RachPelders · 01/10/2024 18:36

It seems he thinks that he thinks what he does in his department is just his decisions and what our department asks (or just me) he will not do. My department has say over every department because we ultimately keep others safe

Just on this bit - I would first double check that you ARE officially able to 'task him' to do things.

I've been on the other side of this coin...constant emails from x instructing me to do xyz when in fact they had no business contacting me directly to do anything. I had my own caseload, my own responsibilities - and just because their department (risk/compliance) had overall oversight of my department, it still didn't mean I was their lackey to carry out tasks for them. It turned out that they were the one that had misinterpreted their reach and level of authority, not me, and it resulted in an extremely embarrassing meeting (for them).

Wiglio · 01/10/2024 18:39

If it hasn’t been recorded, it hasn’t been done

user1471517900 · 01/10/2024 18:43

You seem to think this is about you as opposed to the fact he's been there for ten years and presumes (probably incorrectly) that he knows what he's doing.

So his looks etc and you not fancying him is irrelevant, just whether he's doing what he should be doing is the big thing and that's something you can simply document and make sure it's clear you're doing everything you should be doing.

tropicalfizz · 01/10/2024 18:46

RachPelders · 01/10/2024 18:36

It seems he thinks that he thinks what he does in his department is just his decisions and what our department asks (or just me) he will not do. My department has say over every department because we ultimately keep others safe

Just on this bit - I would first double check that you ARE officially able to 'task him' to do things.

I've been on the other side of this coin...constant emails from x instructing me to do xyz when in fact they had no business contacting me directly to do anything. I had my own caseload, my own responsibilities - and just because their department (risk/compliance) had overall oversight of my department, it still didn't mean I was their lackey to carry out tasks for them. It turned out that they were the one that had misinterpreted their reach and level of authority, not me, and it resulted in an extremely embarrassing meeting (for them).

I'm 100% sure I am able to task him. It's part of my role to follow up and keep things moving to make sure nothing is missed to ensure our customers are kept safe. He's 1 department there are 5 other departments who are similar but have their own caseloads. I have no problems with the other 5 and they follow all procedures and write it up on the system. He however is pushing back at any opportunity. I think he sees it as he now runs this department and no one can tell him what to do. I feel this is a power play. He is friendly with my other colleague who he spoke to about my email because she smiles and nods at him and she's not a threat to him as she will go along with him.

OP posts:
tropicalfizz · 01/10/2024 18:49

user1471517900 · 01/10/2024 18:43

You seem to think this is about you as opposed to the fact he's been there for ten years and presumes (probably incorrectly) that he knows what he's doing.

So his looks etc and you not fancying him is irrelevant, just whether he's doing what he should be doing is the big thing and that's something you can simply document and make sure it's clear you're doing everything you should be doing.

I've known men like this and it may not be about me not fancying him etc but I feel it's a power play and if I were a male he would not be responding to me in this way

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 01/10/2024 18:50

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 01/10/2024 18:24

I would say not only email your manager, but carefully choose your words when you do so - don't say "he did this" but use the more gender-neutral form of "they did this, they didn't do that". Protect yourself against anybody calling you out as being sexist.

It's not sexist to accurately reference someone's sex.

MiddleClassProblem · 01/10/2024 18:51

tropicalfizz · 01/10/2024 18:46

I'm 100% sure I am able to task him. It's part of my role to follow up and keep things moving to make sure nothing is missed to ensure our customers are kept safe. He's 1 department there are 5 other departments who are similar but have their own caseloads. I have no problems with the other 5 and they follow all procedures and write it up on the system. He however is pushing back at any opportunity. I think he sees it as he now runs this department and no one can tell him what to do. I feel this is a power play. He is friendly with my other colleague who he spoke to about my email because she smiles and nods at him and she's not a threat to him as she will go along with him.

Would Your line manager object to being cc’d into all your communication with him? I would ask for this too going forward.

fruitbrewhaha · 01/10/2024 18:55

Let your manager know every time. Then they will need to speak to him or his manager to get him in line. Don’t take it personally, it him not you.

IchiNiSanShiGo · 01/10/2024 18:58

Document everything, keep raising it with your line manager in writing. They should be raising any failures to follow procedures to his line manager, which should then lead to a PIP, or possibly a disciplinary.

If your line manager isn’t taking this seriously then you have a problem.

BlueMum16 · 01/10/2024 19:03

tropicalfizz · 01/10/2024 18:24

My line manager is above him and ultimately is responsible for all safety of others. I''ll raise it with my manager but I think he is going to be such a pain and put a fight up for every single thing I task him to do

I work in safety.

If someone, like your colleague, doesn't do what is required I raise with THEIR manager. It's for them to manage.

Personally I don't go to my manager as I wouldn't expect them to step in unless the other manager didn't resolve appropriately.

tropicalfizz · 01/10/2024 19:05

MiddleClassProblem · 01/10/2024 18:51

Would Your line manager object to being cc’d into all your communication with him? I would ask for this too going forward.

No she wouldn't mind. I know previously to males in a department like his disliked the head of that department and bullied her. I hope he doesn't think he could do this with me but just feel he is constantly pushing back and undermining me.

OP posts:
TheNewSchmoo · 01/10/2024 19:05

I'd love to hear his side of this, you are coming across as rather arrogant yourself and I wonder if your manner of writing winds him up. If he is doing something against policy, record it. His attractiveness, relationship with other colleagues, or his "type" is nothing to do with the functions of the job.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 01/10/2024 19:10

TheNewSchmoo · 01/10/2024 19:05

I'd love to hear his side of this, you are coming across as rather arrogant yourself and I wonder if your manner of writing winds him up. If he is doing something against policy, record it. His attractiveness, relationship with other colleagues, or his "type" is nothing to do with the functions of the job.

Absolutely ignore this. You are not coming across as arrogant at all.

tropicalfizz · 01/10/2024 19:20

TheNewSchmoo · 01/10/2024 19:05

I'd love to hear his side of this, you are coming across as rather arrogant yourself and I wonder if your manner of writing winds him up. If he is doing something against policy, record it. His attractiveness, relationship with other colleagues, or his "type" is nothing to do with the functions of the job.

I'm trying to do my job and ensure others are safe because I care. I'm not so sure he feels the same and just wants to dominate power

OP posts: