AIBU to think Private School isn’t worth the expense?

[Macaronsandcupcakes]

In my area (Bristol) all the private schools I’ve spoken to have admitted they will eventually pass on the 20% VAT (I’m not objecting the govt policy). This means the cheapest school will be charging £7k+ per term. For one child from yr 7 to complete their GCSE’s it’ll be £110k.

I completely understand the schools get better grades, but other than grades why is it worth it? Has your child significantly benefited?

Articles I’ve recently read suggest that the anti private discussions are gaining momentum, both from universities & employees.

My partner is keen to send our children. But I need convincing.

It's a bit like business class for some people. Same destination, better ride.

Do you have experience of Bristol schools? I keep being told some of the states are really improving?

Why? Do you have experience of Bristol schools?

Sending two children to private will be a stretch. One child is academic, good friendship group etc. Other child has found primary hard & will possibly need extra support. But unfair to send one and not the other?

Sorry but the last few posters are woefully out of date. As I mentioned, on results alone there are several state wsecondary schools spitting out Oxbridge/medicine/Russell Grp straight A students. So god only knows what they'd need to be doing to not be so 'horrendous'...Maybe posters don't like the uniform or diversity of intake ?

Not unfair necessarily. Looking for equity between them? It’s not unfair if the child with short sight gets the glasses but the one with 20/20 vision doesn’t.

as long as school is being chosen according to need and they’re both happy then it’s fine I think. Plenty of families we know do a mix of state and independent between siblings for all sorts of reasons.

No experience of Bristol schools but currently work in a large secondary. Have had two DC go through state (albeit Grammar schools) and have two at private.

I am very fortunate that we can afford private because the state of my workplace is horrendous and if this is indicative of most schools then I would not want my kids there. We are fighting a losing battle. We are massively under resourced and the level of need from students is overwhelming. We have some fabulous teachers and some really shit ones but I'd say it's 50/50 and we struggle to recruit. In a school of 1250 we have a SEND department of 3 and we are not meeting need at so many levels which has a knock effect on behaviour.

I had no issues with one of my DC grammar whereas the other was poor and relied entirely on the cohort. Neither can compare though with the opportunities my DC get now at private - drama productions, choir, sport etc are poles apart from what is offered at state. I wish all children could have these opportunities.

I'm sure there are, but where are those state schools. The ones here are either selective or ones to avoid.

I didn’t say the State schools were horrendous. The ones I viewed seemed good - hence the question are the privates worth the money?

We are North Somerset, and even the ‘good’ secondaries are pretty grim - teacher friends in many of them report massive deterioration over last few years. Families we know in these schools are surviving rather than thriving. I think the bar for what ‘good’ looks like has really dropped and am a bit skeptical when people claim a school is good - good compared to what?

we are still in primary and moved from state to private very early on. One dc with send who was just not coping in a class of 31 with a disengaged teacher despite it being a highly coveted village school. Private is very much worth it for us - brilliant support for send child and a really robust offering for nt sibling. Most importantly both dc LOVE school - they are so happy to go each and every morning. It might not make any difference on exams specifically in 8-10 years time, but I do see a big difference in their approach to learning, friendships and general attitude towards life that is positive.

I think it depends very much on what is available locally. I had a fairly awful state school experience which I was keen for my DC to avoid, and my DH was privately educated as were the rest of his family, hence I assumed private must be better and he didn't really consider anything else. So we started with private, and the school we chose was fine. But as time went on and I saw how the children of friends and colleagues were thriving in the local state schools I began to question whether private education really was value for money. Ultimately we decided I wasn't, so moved our DC and have never regretted it. There was nothing wrong with the independent school, and indeed there were some things that were better, but not tens of thousands of pounds worth better. We felt we could get more value for our money by spending it differently.
However, we are fortunate to have excellent state schools, both primary and secondary where we live. If the alternative had been to send our children to schools similar to the ones I attended I would have done everything in my power to avoid that andI'm sure I would have viewed private school as worth every penny.

i wouldn’t judge a school based on the success of the high fliers, but on the average or challenged student. Bright, motivated kids do well (mostly) anywhere - it is the ability to raise expectations for the rest that reflect on school performance. Some state schools do very well with very challenging students, but resourcing is dire and that means a dire experience in many state schools regardless of the commitment and expertise of teaching staff.

If I could afford it I'd send my kids to private school in a heartbeat. Invested parents, less disruption, smaller class sizes, more extra curricular activities and a nicer school environment.

I went to state school and then Cambridge university for hard science so I am well aware that you can get all top grades in state school.

Depends on your child, depends on your choice of schools. We are overseas with an almost 4yo who is in private school. There has been a question mark over whether he is on the spectrum. He has been in creche and pre school settings where he has struggled and in his new private school he is thriving. We are much happier as parents because we have had a better experience with this school.
Everyone will have different criteria that they are looking for. For us the key things were small class sizes, on site psychologist, occupational therapists, brilliant pastoral care, enthusiastic teaching staff that have been at the school for 20+ years and very happy to be there, brilliant comms and support for parents, community feel- lots of meet ups, groups to join which helps when you are overseas, amazing facilities (8 sports halls/gym/forest/arts centre/dance studio/theatre, outdoor amphitheatre, football pitch etc), network, frequent school trips, inspirational guest speakers.
Our main reason for sending DS is because we thought it was the best environment for him and he is thriving.
Its no more expensive than private nursery for us and aside from school fees we are not big spenders and quite lean elsewhere. We only have 1 child, if we had a second it would be a squeeze to send 2 kids. But i don't envisage us having more children.

I went to state school and got all As, a 1st at Uni. But i have always lacked confidence and often felt it held me back, and i've wondered if things might have been different in private school. Also the quality if teaching was poor at A Level, absent teachers and lots of inexperienced supply teachers that were not familiar with the subject matter. The careers advisor was lacklustre too and it seemed that career options were limited to the ordinary jobs. Despite that I still achieved a career in my chosen niche profession.
DH went to private school, straight As, 2:1 at uni and earns 4x what I do and has lots of self confidence.

No idea if it makes a difference but I'm so relieved to see my son happy at school again that I think its worth it.

@Macaronsandcupcakes i wouldn’t send one not the other personally the opportunities the private one will get are incomparable with the grammar or a good state. My son was private 4/18 he had a hard time at public school he was unmotivated tricky friendships Covid bullshit but the pastoral care was fantastic and he came out the other side is now at Brooks and thriving.

Private school, like state schools, can still be dire but it tends to be in different ways ie extreme pressure to perform etc.

What I did was to look at all the options and choose the best for my child - I had the means to include private as an option and that was the right school for her after carefully considering each school. If one of the state options had been more suitable for her we'd have gone with that.

One of her friends had the same range of options and went for one of the state schools.

I wouldn't simply send private just because. What I'm buying is the right environment for my particular child to thrive in. There isn't another private school in the area I would have considered though as they're all either full of people way, way beyond our means and/or have reputations for being very pressurised and won't hesitate to kick kids out if they're not keeping up.

As many posters have said, it really is as simple as SOME privates are worth the money for SOME children. Others will be unsuitable or unnecessary for some children. If your state provision is decent and one of your kids will thrive there but the other needs additional pastoral support, small classes, quiet etc AND there is private near you that can provide that, then do it, but no-one here can definitively answer your question for your paticular circumstances. Both of mine are in private after state let them both down badly and are now thriving in a non-selective, very small school with a lot of pastoral care but if your kids don't need that and one of the "bright, confident NT kids will do well anywhere" type, then maybe its not worth it.

If you have a girl statistics say that they do better in single sex schools.

My DD15 is in private school as she has SEN (adhd) and the local secondary is appalling for this.

Small class sizes, more choices and tutor support has meant she has thrived.

Also mixed state secondary schools have high rates of sexual assaults and harassment. 3 in 5 girls in the UK have experienced it.

It depends on too many factors to have an opinion on what you should do.

For me, I think it's very important to support your local school. If everyone who can choose to opt out then nothing will improve and state schools will just be for everyone who has no choice. Certainly work to improve things for the benefit of the community (I was very involved with the campaign to build a new high school building which is currently being constructed) and put the time in to support the teachers and administrators (I'm on the PTA, etc) but at the end of the day I think it's important to have a society with the chance to become productive and happy adults - not to leapfrog my own child just because I can.

I live in a city with a huge proportion of children going private and my daughter just started at secondary school this year. It is 100% true that her friends at private have more opportunities and more clubs and fancier buildings... but they also have a lot of pressure and the costs just go up really quickly when you add in uniforms and trips and all the extras. My daughter has anxiety and would not thrive in that environment. My son probably would but he will be going to the state high school as well.

I don't know how it works in England but here in Scotland my kids will actually have a better chance of getting into university than if they came from private school with the same results. By s5/6 class sizes are very small as many kids leave after s4 and the teachers are wonderful and encouraging. This environment will suit my daughter very well and my son is the kind of kid who will succeed anywhere.

Just do your research OP.
I've a spreadsheet with results from the top set of each local school and have noticed that the top set of the local state does as well in terms of the percentage of 8s and 9s as the private does.

I just asked for the information breakdown in my own way rather than the information statistically given by school. If you take a percentage number and compare a state which takes anyone with a private with entry exams, you are comparing apples with oranges.

I went to neither state comp nor private (old school Trafford Grammar type so a state free for all but based on true academic ability) and we are likely sending ours state and putting the extra money into a house deposit and extra curricular enhancement trips

Incidentally, the roll call of people I know who went to the local private includes my hairdresser, the school Teaching Assistant and my friend's PA. I don't think it necessarily buys better jobs and contacts.

It’s interesting when people provide anecdotal examples of ‘wasted’ private educations it’s mostly female-skewed jobs as example: PA, hairdresser, TA, stay at home parent…
Do men benefit more from private than women?

I went to state school and got all As, a 1st at Uni. But i have always lacked confidence and often felt it held me back, and i've wondered if things might have been different in private school.

Swap around "state school" and "private school" and this is me. In my case the lack of confidence was in part caused by the private school - I never felt good enough. Actually I've spent most of my life feeling like I am very stupid (which the reams of top qualifications would heavily suggest not, but I feel stupid).

Private school in itself is not responsible for self confidence.

Apologies. Horrendous came from another poster.

I got much better grades than my sibling who went to private school, I went state. It was a waste of money for him. There was also a drugs problem we didn’t have at my school.

It wasn’t even worth it for the networking, he’s in a dead end job now.

Private schools also have this problem… I remember this coming out in the news, entitled little princes thinking they can do what they want

https://www.ibblaw.co.uk/insights/blog/independent-schools-safeguarding