To be shocked deferring by a year has become this common?

[Killiam]

My DS is 4, his birthday is august 28th, he started school this year.
Today I went to a session at his school where parents were invited in to see what they have been doing etc.
After I was talking to some parents and they noted more than once how tiny he is, I said ah well he has just turned 4 so makes sense. This is when I learned of his class of 24 kids, 4 of them should have started the year before 1 June birthday, 2 July and 1 August. The next closest in age to my son is a June baby so no other July or August babies born his year at all!
DS seems to be doing well but when I asked the other summer parents why they decided to defer they basically all said they just felt their kids needed more time, nothing the separates them from DS.
DS does cry most days going in and couldn't write his name or anything before starting.
The school is in central London and is very diverse but lots of Eastern European and Asian parents and Ive learn that in most of those countries 6 or even 7 is a more common. starting age so I wonder if that plays a role?

AIBU to be shocked it is so common to defer now? Starting to wonder if I made the right choice!

Totally agree

My son started this year. He was 4 in June. I actually wanted to defer him for a year or at least until Easter but nursery wouldn't take him ( he does have lots of additional needs but he loved nursery and his key worker still tells me she misses him).
He's doing okay at school, for the 90 minutes he's in, happy but he's not learning anything nor are they attempting to teach him, he just gets to play.
But I need school support to get his EHCP and to at least give him some exposure to social situations.
Ideal world I'd have done another year at nursery.

As a teacher, I deliberately planned all my kids to be born in the Autumn term to give them the academic advantage.

My August born child is now 20 and he settled fine. However, i now have a 2 year old and I will be deferring her but also considering home educating. We are not wealthy but we are sacrificing and cutting our cloth accordingly to enable me to be a home parent for now. Too much emphasis is put on formal education too early now in western countries and we are losing sight of what’s important first and foremost. Be interesting to know the cultural background of those parents deferring and is it because they see children as being too young in the UK. What’s important for me is the child being close to their attachment adults for longer than we allow and being allowed to grow and learn through play. I see the tables turning. I am in Leicestershire and there is a big HE community here. Looking back in the schooling system for my two grown up sons, now 20 and 25, I question alot including childrens emotional and physical safety within school. They have become breeding grounds for troubled teenagers to act out their frustrations in an unguided manner. Teachers are overwhelmed and young people are becoming out of control. Every parent should do what is right for them and their child.

You have this absolutely arse backwards. Deferring is much more likely in families that think a lot about education and want the absolute best outcomes for their children. They don't see school as an unpleasant thing to be delayed but as an important thing where the benefit should be maximised.

In fact I suspect people who are negative about school would be much much less likely to engage enough to know about deferring and, if they did, would rather get it over with and on to other things.

The tone of your post is absolutely nauseating by the way.

@YourLastNerve At age 4 exclusively choosing solitary activities like maths and writing over a social activity like the dress-up box isn't necessarily a good thing - the activities around the dress-up box encourage a child to express their creativity - develop stories and language, socialise and form relationships, work as part of a team and problem solve - these are valuable skills I wouldn't be dismissing. I wish schools could focus on their importance more than they currently do because when it comes to being a grown-up these skills matter just as much as the academics.

100% right @Butterworths . I had 3 of mine at a primary school where parents were largely wealthy and very middle class. Most kids actually went on to private school after the first few years at this very small, country primary (it actually was like private school with only 16 pupils per year group average) And deferral was common. Many mums were educators who had taken early years out to be SAHM during pre school years.

My other 2 went to a larger primary where more working mums and more working class parents and they were the ones pushing earlier school entry. For the childcare aspect and because they confused running around and "into everything" as school readiness.

Whereas it is really poorly developed attention and immaturity!

My daughter is August born and has just started school at 4 and a couple of weeks.
At 2 I was deferring her as she had a speech delay and was behind her peers. Between 2 and 3 she blossomed and when we started looking at schools when she had just turned 3 weeks were fairly confident that she would be ok by the time we found out which school we were very confident in her starting school and would have sent her then if we could!
She's the youngest/2nd youngest in the year and she's at the bottom of the charts for height and only went in to aged 2-3 clothes in the summer so one of the smallest in the class too. I asked every school how they helped young and small children adjust to school. All bar 1 said kids come in all shapes and sizes. The one we chose asked about how being small affects her and said they would watch and make sure she was keeping up and put adjustments in place of she needed - getting steps if she needed etc. When it came to September I was confident that the school chosen would meet her needs. For some of the other schools I would have had concerns and may have deferred if necessary.
We are a month in and the school is keeping and eye on her making sure she's keeping up and her needs are being met and not overly disadvantaged. We have had her first parents evening and she's doing well.

My sister is October born and she struggled at school and would have benefitted from starting at 4 rather than almost 5. The school had to given her double the work of all the other students to stop her being bored / distracting the others by playing when they hadn't finished the work to play. She was A/B student so smart not super gifted.

It really is child and school dependent.

My August born would have benefited from being deferred had that been an option at the time. She wasn't even conceived when some of the children in her class were born....

I think it makes quite a difference. All the girls in her year that got academic scholarships at 11+ were born before the end of the Autumn term. Apparently it has an impact all the way to university https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-21579484

Surely it doesn’t matter where the “cut off “ is… someone is going to be oldest and someone youngest?!?

My boys are mid June and end of August birthdays. Neither suffered for being youngest in the school year…both passed GCSEs with good grades and went to University . The eldest (End of August) has a masters degree.

My daughter is a 2nd January birthday and has had similar outcomes.

i really don’t think it makes a whole lot of difference.
I’m a TA… it doesn’t seem to have a major bearing on their outcomes. Sometimes the younger ones in a year group outshine the older ones.

My youngest is August born and has just turned 5 he's been deferred due to possible sen and the nursery have stated that they would encourage that kids are deferred when possible as in this country we tend to put our kids in to school a lot earlier than the rest of Europe and that an extra year of just play won't do any harm. We're in scotland and they allow it as long as it means that the child is still 5 when they start primary.

This depends so much on the nursery. The nursery attached to the school where I work - yes, I could see kids getting a bit fed up there. It’s a fairly small playroom and garden and the toys don’t seem to change a whole lot. The nursery my kids went to? Not a chance. The environment and the staff meant that literally every day was new and different; every day they were coming home full of wonder and discoveries. My youngest who left more recently still narrates any of our walks with his extensive knowledge about the natural world gleaned from nursery. The staff were also extremely supportive with children learning to read, write etc.

My son likes learning. I wouldn't have put him in school at 4 because of his emotional and social wellbeing. It's easy for him to learn numbers and letters and theres no rush but the emotional stuff is harder. At 4 I was happy for him to do it as his own pace. And even now at 5 I'm not convinced the school is the best thing for him yet.

I also don't think it's true about the academic thing - the people I know who have deferred (in Scotland where common even though children are older anyway) are academics or highly educated people.

This. 1000%.

The preschool we sent our children too was utterly fabulous. Huge space, so, so, so many different ways to explore and play (indoors and outdoors). My eldest is 8 and still talks fondly of his preschool.

Having just put to bed an 11 year old with a birthday also on 28 August I can only wish I could turn the clock back and defer.

He just isn’t ready for secondary and has felt behind his whole way through reception. My heart breaks for him.

I’m in Scotland where the deferral system is different but most people defer who can in our school. Partially it’s because you run into last years deferrals and can be younger by a lot. It’s generally easier if your at the older end. Only one of my children were in the deferral window but I chose to defer. I do think an extra year of play is a good thing for most children. The school nursery was excellent so was never bored.

Lol I was due in Oct and born Aug 30th. Always youngest in class. Made no odds to me tbh. Even at secondary school most of my friends were year above so as one of them nearly 2 years older.

What happens with nursery funding though? Do they still get the "free" hours for another year? Not sure I could've afforded another year at nursery for my August born child

My dd is a June baby and will be starting school at age 4 in September, and probably pre school 12 months beforem I'd send her now if I could but don't like private nurseries! I think she's ready to start.

My husband is an August birthday but really bright - ended up scoring over 100% in one of his senior school entrance exams due to the age weighting .. so no academic issues - but when it came to deciding what to do with our end of August born son, he was really pro deferring .. he said he wished he had been older when puberty hit - he said the others were into girls and he wasn't yet, some of his friends could drive and get into clubs and he couldn't.. he said he was just a lot less mature and was constantly trying to be older than he was.. I see our little one thriving now and am very glad we deferred..

Someone has to be the youngest. So if everyone with July, Aug birthdays start to defer then the May and June are the youngest, so would they then defer? I have a mix of summer, autumn and winter children. The summer born did seem younger than their classmates for the reception year (but is younger than them!) By the end of y1 they were caught up socially and academically have been in the top group since reception.

A child in their class was deferred, they're 13 months older than my child. Really tall and look like they should be in the year above. There have been many issues due to the child's size, they have hurt other children by playing too rough. They are also now starting to say they don't want to go to school because it's boring. I think this could be because they should be in the year above.

I do think my summer born will seem young to go to yr7 when the time comes, but as I said somebody has to be youngest.

I also have a family member from Europe. They said that although children start school at 6 there, preschool is widely used and is very similar to our reception. In effect more formal education (yr1 v their school starting age) are started around the same age, just called different things.

I've never understood what happens when the deferred kids get to secondary school, and want to play for the school A team in a sports competition. They are too old to be in that yeargroup according to the rules of many sports. Are they allowed to play for their school yeargroup to represent the school?

@Olympicscandal2024 yes but if the youngest is born in may then they will be 4 and 4 months (which is still too young in my opinion) vs a child that could have turned 4 three days before they start school. Why is it a race to the bottom?

Sports are done on age not school year.

my best friend's son started school as the youngest for that year. he was a tiny boy with parents 5'2" and dad 5'5". he fell into the baby of the class role initially and within a year was the class clown.

maturity wise from sept-dec he was too immature for his classmates and generally not fully included by them. after christmas break, things always picked up slightly only to happen again the following year.
my friend always regrets sending him in early and like other moms in town wished she would have held him back.
he developed a strong dislike for formal education, was relatively unsuccessful with female relationships (size and maturity) and totally unsuccessful in sports.
very poor self confidence and for a while a strong dependency on alcohol (to make him feel bigger/like the older boys).

@TripleCarber it's not a race to the bottom. I just think most kids are fine to start school at just turned four. Our school offered phased starts if children needed it. We considered it for our child. They offered something personalised to suit the child if needed (just mornings, 3 days a week, etc) in the end our summer child was fine. I think this would be a better option than deferral in many cases.

I also think people don't seem to talk about the potential disadvantages of deferral, as with the child I know who is now getting bored of school and the children in their class because they are older and more mature. This gap has grown as they've advanced through school.

Each to their own. I'm just giving my view on the subject as many others have done on this thread.