To be shocked deferring by a year has become this common?

[Killiam]

My DS is 4, his birthday is august 28th, he started school this year.
Today I went to a session at his school where parents were invited in to see what they have been doing etc.
After I was talking to some parents and they noted more than once how tiny he is, I said ah well he has just turned 4 so makes sense. This is when I learned of his class of 24 kids, 4 of them should have started the year before 1 June birthday, 2 July and 1 August. The next closest in age to my son is a June baby so no other July or August babies born his year at all!
DS seems to be doing well but when I asked the other summer parents why they decided to defer they basically all said they just felt their kids needed more time, nothing the separates them from DS.
DS does cry most days going in and couldn't write his name or anything before starting.
The school is in central London and is very diverse but lots of Eastern European and Asian parents and Ive learn that in most of those countries 6 or even 7 is a more common. starting age so I wonder if that plays a role?

AIBU to be shocked it is so common to defer now? Starting to wonder if I made the right choice!

Every child is different, it's preference. I've worked with children who just turned 4 when starting school some can need some more support.

I worked in schools for 30 years and I certainly don't think deferring is a middle class thing in the majority of cases. I've seen a lot of August birthdays struggle throughout primary school. Some children will be absolutely fine but parents know their child best and should be allowed to make tge decision best for them. I certainly don't think it's about gaining advantage over other kids.

I certainly don't think it's about gaining advantage over other kids.

I agree. It's the opposite really. It's so your child won't be disadvantaged.

I deferred my 4 year old August born - there was no way he could have survived school. He isn’t emotionally or socially ready - he also still naps. He also has a growth delay so is tiny.

So he is now doing preschool 3 days a week and is absolutely thriving and exactly where he should be. He’s completely on par with his classmates in terms of size and ability and social / emotional awareness. Only few weeks in and absolutely the best decision we made. He would have been an exhausted emotional mess if he was doing full time reception. It’s clearly stated on gov.uk that deferring a summer born is an option - no child has to start school until CSA (compulsory school age) which is 5. If used to be kids would miss reception and start year 1 but government advice states that there has to be a good reason for missing reception (which there obviously isn’t as it’s really important.) some parents do use it to get “an advantage” but we didn’t - our boy was born early and should have been sept and I believe he’s in the right year for him .

I'm in Scotland too where in my experience children are in second year nursery at four and a half and Jan Feb children are oldest on year when they start school at five

Sorry just to clarify.. in 11+ areas it’s beneficial to go in normal year or defer?

It is much more common these days to defer summer term children, even than it was 9 years ago when my eldest started school having just turned 4. There were 3 August babies and 2 July babies in his year group of 20ish children. He was the youngest and remains the youngest to this day, despite changing primary schools once and now being 13 and the youngest in year 9 at his very selective private school. My second child is one of the eldest in the school year and the only advantage it’s given him is in sports, although in fairness he is very sporty anyway and regularly competes with boys up to 2 years older than him. The eldest is sporty too but has really had to work hard to get onto a par with the sportiest of the boys who are almost a whole year older than him. Academically it’s been no problem though as he’s always been the brightest or among the brightest in his class/year.

My child is a summer born and I wish I had deferred a year. He’s in year 4 now and I still regret not deferring him.

I deferred my end of August son and he is in year 3 doing brilliantly.. no SEN just very little and he would have missed a lot of reception during Covid and the difference in him a year was huge .i wasn't too worried about the academic side of things (but that's been fine!) - I wanted him to be more emotionally mature /able to sit still for longer periods etc and as a result he has had a wonderful start to school.. he is only 6 days older than the next September born in his class..I'd do it again in a heartbeat.. the head teacher who approved our request told me that 10 years ago he would have just said to parents that asked to get them in but he said the pressure on the little ones now is so much greater that I'd was before -he said the gap does close in year 3 ish but he has found the deferred kids to have had a much happier start and greater confidence.. I think it really depends on the child but it's been brilliant for us.. I did have to apply for dispensation from the FA to be able to play football with his friends in an outside club but that was a simple online process and for other sports like swimming and gymnastics it's Jan -Dec so hasn't impacted him at all.

Excuse all the typos!!!

An August child would have the same weighting at 11+ as a September born so no impact

When did it become the norm to start at 4? I am a late 80s baby and everyone was 5 when they started. Occasionally you saw one come in who was still 4 and they were definitely the odd one out.
It seems tragic to start them at 4 when they are forced into tiny uniforms and made to read and write from the get go (before the bones and muscles in their hands and arms are even ready!).
My son started at 4 BUT in a country with a rolling entry and a 2-year Reception. You then go into Primary 1. He is turning 6 in a month’s time and he and his classmates are only just starting to learn to read and write. No uniforms either. It all seems much better this way.

So you need to apply the year before (in England anyway ) and apply for the option of deferring at the same time with your local council.. if the school refuse - they have to prove that missing a year of school is in the best interests of the child (which they can't at that age).. I have yet to hear of a child being forced to skip year 7... so they just stay in their adopted cohort and move with them into senior school...there are a couple of private schools that won't accept a deferred child but they are in the minority.. most of the good ones have overseas children come anyway that will be older..and I've asked a lot of them -for the majority it's not a problem at all..

My daughter timed her pregnancy so her child would be one of the oldest in school year group. Baby came early and was actually the youngest.

I started school when I was 4 in the early 70s! Birthday in March so not summer born but still five months of school before I turned 5.

I think approx 5-7% summer borns wait an extra year now, based on the data. There is a report online with all the evidence and stats.

It depends on your area.

It may be better to stay in the correct year group if you're considering grammar. The grammars where we live (I don't know about others) do not routinely allow children to sit outside of the correct year group. Also, the results are age graded so the younger children are not disadvantaged. Effectively, children born in a certain month are ranked against other children born in the same month.

Less than 30 years ago children didn't start school until the term after their 5th birthday.

There was an intake in January and another at Easter In our local schools.

They would be in nursery, or playgroup, childminder, at home or a combination of things before starting school.They learnt through play. Most came in ready to learn. They knew numbers, letters, had dexterity to write, draw, colour.

Traditionally, Scandinavian countries and most of Europe started formal education later. They learnt through play.

My youngest granddaughter was due to be born on October 6 2020 but was born 3 months early in July and spent 3 months in hospital with her mother. She started school this year so in my eyes she's not yet 4 and while she's healthy and not unduly small I do wish she'd been held back.

My eldest child is a June baby and started school in Reception age 5. He fits in well in his adopted cohort academically and socially... and actually no one at the school realised he was "out of cohort" until mid way through Reception when the school nurse pointed it out. 😂

I am very glad it was an option.

Look at the GCSE attainment statistics by birth year. Look at the distribution of global CEOs by birth year. Look at the diagnosis of adhd and SEN by birth year, particularly for boys. Being the youngest in the year in most cases is more disadvantageous than being the youngest. Also just turned four is very little for full time school, lots are barely potty trained, sleep nap and aren’t emotionally ready at this age.
There is growing awareness of the ability to defer and funded childcare helps. Deferral is correlated with higher income and educational levels in parents so possibly you are in an area with a higher socio economic demographic.

Unless this has changed since 2016, When children defer there is no guarantee they’ll be accepted into reception the following year, they may have to go straight into year 1. It can also affect them when they move schools later on, they could be forced to go into the year group they ‘should’ have been in if they hadn’t deferred, therefore effectively missing a year. That’s what I was told by my local council at the time.

Mine are both August born. Youngest was due September but arrived early. I didn’t defer her. Turned out a good decision. The pre school teacher was running out of work to give her as she was so able. Same with reception teacher. Those 2 year groups didn’t want to push her on but as she got older she kept excelling. She’s in y8 now and top sets. She can be slightly immature in her personality side - gets upset easily. But she has made friends with kids older and younger at school - several in year groups older through extra curricular clubs. I also suspect she has adhd and can’t ever be bored. So deferring her a year would have been awful as she would have just got bored. She’s constantly on the go. My older DD is also August horn and generally average ability but better in some subjects that others. Diagnosed autistic she’s always struggled socially, however more so as she prefers adult company and older children’s company than her own age peers. She’s always managed at school. Most weren’t aware of her difficulties as she masked them quite well and copied what she saw so came across older than her years quite often. I don’t think deferring her would have achieved anything better either.

For girls though both are noticeable ‘younger’ than the September girls. The older girls in both year groups seem to behave even older again. Dressing older, wearing make up earlier, ditching their toys sooner for designer clothes and makeup. When I see them out of school they often look much older due to the way they dress and act. My oldest does get mistaken for looking older without having to dress older but she developed puberty quite early on and has work adult clothes since she was 12. But she wears very conservative type clothes or jeans and hoodies mostly.

I do worry that both will be 15 when they take their GCSEs and get their results. They won’t be able to get a summer job after their GCSEs as most places around here aren’t taking on under 16s. So many of their friends will be busy working in that big gap in the summer post GCSEs and mine won’t. Their friends will all be driving and possibly even passed their tests before they’ll start learning.

But I’m not sure the whole deferring thing makes a huge difference. And often they defer and join reception late then have to skip y1 to go ahead to year 2 so they are in age appropriate year groups eventually. Not sure many stay back that year all through school.

It's changed.