To be shocked deferring by a year has become this common?

[Killiam]

My DS is 4, his birthday is august 28th, he started school this year.
Today I went to a session at his school where parents were invited in to see what they have been doing etc.
After I was talking to some parents and they noted more than once how tiny he is, I said ah well he has just turned 4 so makes sense. This is when I learned of his class of 24 kids, 4 of them should have started the year before 1 June birthday, 2 July and 1 August. The next closest in age to my son is a June baby so no other July or August babies born his year at all!
DS seems to be doing well but when I asked the other summer parents why they decided to defer they basically all said they just felt their kids needed more time, nothing the separates them from DS.
DS does cry most days going in and couldn't write his name or anything before starting.
The school is in central London and is very diverse but lots of Eastern European and Asian parents and Ive learn that in most of those countries 6 or even 7 is a more common. starting age so I wonder if that plays a role?

AIBU to be shocked it is so common to defer now? Starting to wonder if I made the right choice!

I think people's view on this is very jaded by their own experience.

Ive noticed that people who weren't terribly academically inclined, who struggled more at school (regardless of age), are far more likely to be negatively generally about school, and of the view it is an Unpleasant Thing to be delayed as long as possible.

More academically inclined people don't understand this. They remember being excited to start, enjoying learning, loving reading and writing and maths (DH and i were like this). We liked school. We loved reading. My kids at age 4 would choose activities involving maths and writing, over a dress up box. They like it. To people like this, school, and academic learning, reading and writing and maths, are great! Why would you want to put them off?

That goes against the actual evidence though that deferral rates are much higher in affluent areas with higher levels of attainment in parents than more deprived areas with lower educational levels overall.

All the four year olds in school who were born after March have all been born in lockdown. This means they were held back from all the common family and friends interactions over their first year.
In addition to this, most of them have only just learnt how to wipe their bottom, do their school buttons and hold a pencil.
Now they're being asked to sit still and put their hand up if they need a wee.
They need an extra year to experience all the opportunities they missed.

As a deputy headteacher, I was adamant that I didn’t want a late summer born. After years of infertility I didn’t stop trying to avoid having a late summer born as assumed it wouldn’t happen. Of course, I ended up with a mid August born.

DD started with her cohort just a week after she turned 4, also doing breakfast and after school club. She loved it but the first year was a battle with getting her to do reading etc. She’s year 2 now and where she should be. I’m glad I didn’t hold her back as she seems to ‘old’ to be in year 1. She’s also one of the tallest in her class so she’d look ridiculous in the year below!

We’re in an 11+ area so I hope it’s not a decision I live to regret.

I mentioned the Scottish statistics earlier. One council area has a 98% deferral rate for Jan/Feb kids. It's a very affluent area. The area with the lowest deferral rate is extremely deprived.

In England the evidence is the same: children from more affluent areas and high-income parents are more likely to be deferred than children from deprived, low-income families.

But the option is open to everyone and given the nursery finding is the same as primary school it’s not a cost thing, it’s an educational buy in problem. If anymore more parents need to be made more aware of the attainment differences for young summer borns and the parents right to change their school year.
Ultimately just not enough parents know and this skews more highly towards lower socioeconomic families.
This isn’t a reason to not have this available because summer do on the whole suffer more through their academic career compared to those who are older starting reception.

Yes, mind you that was 16 years ago but it was brilliant. A very small school so there were some disadvantages.

yes - but if he'd been born in January he wouldn't have been the last to be old enough to go to an 18 film, get his driving licence, buy booze, not need a parents signature. All of which makes a feeling of having to be catching up constantly…
He’s fine. But would i have deferred for a year if it’d been an option? Absolutely yes. At the time, he’d have had to go into yr1 not reception which seemed a worse option.

Yes, it's really nuanced because it's not just about physical feasibility (so funding and availability of childcare) but much more deeply ingrained attitudes and beliefs about education and school that have perpetuated for generations in some families that have been locked in a cycle of poverty. So it's difficult because it's absolutely not as simple as 'poor people can't afford to defer'; it's that many people in deprived areas haven't had the same chances themselves to be able to weigh up the pros and cons or prioritise education and it's just not a consideration for them.

We have deferred a year for our eldest, due to autism and a speech delay. Nursery and the professionals involved advised that starting him this year would have been setting him up to fail, especially as class numbers are now so high, he wouldn't have the support he receives in nursery.
I've spoken to a few other parents recently who have said that, according to their kids, no-one wants to be amongst the youngest in the year, whereas apparently being the oldest isn't such an issue.

The Law states that parents have a right to request, schools have the obligation to consider, but that parents do not have the right to have this happen.

I’ve got an August baby, he smashed his GCSE and A level results, applied to Oxbridge etc. It seems crazy to me to defer, but i guess its quite common.

Following as my DD will be 4 next August and I've been told by the school we would like her to attend that if we want to defer her we still need to apply this coming January, but submit a deferral request alongside the application.

Can anybody whose done this advise how it works with the current nursery place? My daughters nursery are full until September 2026 and I assume they will have assumed she will be leaving September 2025 although we haven't had the conversation. Would she be able to keep her place or would they kick her out? I'd hate to defer her and find she has nowhere to go for a year!

Well that theory wasn’t true at all for me. I loved school and couldn’t wait to start. Woke up on my fourth birthday thinking I was going to school and was really disappointed to learn that I had to wait another half a year. But my DS is a different person and at almost four I just couldn’t imagine him starting school.

Ultimately just not enough parents know and this skews more highly towards lower socioeconomic families.

This, 100%. All these snide comments about middle class parents are predictable but unfair.

You should actually look up the government guidelines for summer born children which override local authority guidelines. As I mentioned there is a process to ensure children are not made to skip a year of education for no reason.

The school/admissions authority also have to prove that skipping a year of education is in the best interest of the child before they are allowed to say “no”. It’s not just to consider but it is to actually prove that they are acting in the best interest of the child. The burden of proof is not on the parents. It is on the admissions authority.

Yes you have to apply at her normal intake and apply for a deferred place, so your application is now, closing in January.

In terms of nursery, for us it was the same, we just let them know that she would be doing another year but it was a private nursery not a preschool. You probably need to run it by the preschool and establish if they will keep her before applying for a deferred school place.

We're in Scotland too and July born DC are mid aged in their year but would have been youngest in English system. I wouldn't have deferred them if it meant straight into Y1 and no reception but otherwise one of them I definitely would whereas other would have been ready then. Depends on child. If it helps my DC cried and screamed going in for the first term of school but now loves it so much

I considered deferring mine who was August born and also very shy. Decided against as not a middle class area so no one else would be doing this and I thought there would probably be unhelpful comments made to her.

She did fine at school both academically and socially so it was ok.in.the end.

There are a couple of parents of early September children who complain that their child should have been in the year above but missed the cut off..so the prevailing attitude seems to be the opposite!

We’re in Scotland and we deferred our son. When speaking to the teachers they confirmed that it’s not just going into school that needs to be considered but also them leaving school. This is often not considered and children can be going to uni at 17 which can be hard. They also advised that they had yet to find a parent who regretted deferring but had seen a few who regretted not deferring.

I was not trying to be offensive merely factual. Tell me did you ask to defer your child or did your nursery advise it? Because the fact remains that private nurseries would rather their quota was reached with their younger children because it is more profitable for them. Council nurseries are almost always linked to a primary school so they will certainly always discuss the option of deferring and tend to intiate the conversation. I have friends that were unaware that they could defer their child because they were attending a private nursery that failed to discuss this option with them. But they did defer because I told them about it just before the deadline. In Scotland it is actually a legal requirement that all nurseries discuss deferring with parents if the child falls into the eligible months of mid August to February, however this is not being done, because there is a big incentive for private nurseries to send children to school, because the demand is so high for places.

The argument from that poster is one of the strangest I have read on Mumsnet. And that is saying something. I did not defer my summer child, but if somebody thinks that their summer child needs deferring, of course they should do that. Meeting the needs of your own child is basic parenting.

Could be cultural. Im not from the UK and where I'm from kids start between 5 and 6. Personally I think kids are often too young when starting here so I would choose to defer if my son had been born at another time of the year.

I really do not think sunrisemonster feels badly about their choices. You are just making a passive aggressive dig by saying that. You are being patronising and pedantic. Does this mean you are actually not happy with your choices? I think you are protesting too much? Perhaps you have regrets about not deferring?